A part apart.

Ray has been working very hard these days. Work at the comic shop takes up about 4.5 days of his week. Shipment day falls on every thursday, which is also his busiest and most exhausting day at work. Ray never fails to call me at night, even though he may be tired out from a busy day at work, and it surprises me how much we have to talk about. (I am most talkative when I am with him, but mostly I just talk a lot of rubbish. Ray is most annoying when he is with me. I dunno why. ): ) Ray spends his days off with me most of the time. Sometimes he spends them with his mom and brings her out for meals like the good boy he is. I appreciate that ray is working hard for us, and I love him for who he is.

At 5 am in the morning I declare my love for you through the interweb: I love you raymond tay! xoxo

If I had one million dollars, and if I spend 50 dollars a day for the rest of my life, that one million dollars could last me 54 years, 9 months and 18 days. School is awesome.

1. I don't spend that much a day. That sum will last me much longer.
2. I don't know if I'll live to 76 years old. I could probably spend much more than $50 a day.
3. It would be awesome if I had a million dollars.
4. School is not awesome.

right...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAaaaaaaaaa......

Don't call me a Stalker

So I found my cousin's blog after much snooping on google, and I realised she's a much more down to earth person than she lets on during the occasional conversations we have.

The oldies have been comparing us to each other ever since we were toddlers, making us stand back to back to see who's taller, side by side to see who's "healthier" (amazing euphemism for "fatter"), until it got to a point where Chinese New Year was (and still is) closely associated with being judged by the relatives. Even though they don't do it as much now, I bet you in their hearts they're all thinking that my cousin's the smarter and awesomer one who's going to bring honour and glory to the family while I'm the stupider and fatter one who's gonna waste her life away as a bum, or something. ):

Anyway, all that comparing didn't stop me from running off downstairs to the playground with her each year to talk about our lives, and to gossip about the aunts and uncles, or to buy sparklers with our ang bao money from the mamak store. The most vivid memory of us sitting at the playground involved her telling me about her guitar club, her good friends in school which included guys and guys didn't happen in ther school until she went to JC, me in my sec 4 short-hair-large-tee-shirts-and-berms phase, stepping on some smelly cat poo, and above all, the longing to do this every single time we meet during the subsequent CNYs.

But it didn't happen again. I think somehow we just outgrew such feelings of spontaneous chummy behaviour. Somehow reading her blog brings back a little of those days, where she was open around me and we could talk about anything. The past few years she pretty much keeps mum.

I think I like reading blogs for that reason. You get to see another side of people that isn't always apparent when you interact with them in real life. You get to see how another person's life is lived, and knowing that you can't get to experience every single thing that this world can offer in your short lifetime, you can always rely on other people's experiences to get a sense of the possibilities you're missing out. You see the vast strata of lifestyles and experiences and it just makes you wonder. But more than anything, I like how blogs give different perspectives about people.

I never thought that I would feel this way, but somehow looking at all those facebook posts makes me feel more distant than it makes me feel connected.

teeheehee

So I have very just finished viewing my dear cousin's photos on facebook, those taken with his girlfriend, in an album titled ":D" which, in my opinion, says very much about the state of their relationship and I think it's pretty awkward seeing him pose rather intimately with her. Well when I say intimately I don't mean they were eating each other's faces or something, they were really just hugging, and maybe it got slightly raunchier towards the end of the album where he was kissing/smelling her face. (HAHA what were you expecting huh?) I dunno man, there's just something quite uncomfortable seeing your cousins and their other halfs posing like that for photos. I mean, where's the guy who used to put bunny ears on your head in group pictures you know? And the guy who used to make funny faces at the camera? Where did he go too? Heehee.

IT'S SO WEIRD i still have that weird feeling in me, and it kinda makes me want to giggle awkwardly i don't know why. hahaaha somewhere else another cousin must be looking at my facebook photos thinking "This is SO WEIRD HEEHEE" *giggles*. HAHAH okay I just made myself feel weirder.

In another day and time, having dealt with secondary school kids I think they're quite a funny bunch, as in they really make me laugh and it's good. They call me "cher" and it makes me feel good too. HOHOHO. Well I wouldn't know because it was really pretty much a one off thing, and I don't know if after having to face them for 9 months in a year I would still think that they're "quite a funny bunch, as in they really make me laugh and it's good". Ah, I can still think about it then I guess.

So at work today there was a trainer who stopped his workout and hung around the counter for about 15 minutes, afterwhich he said "Okay i'm gonna go work out now, i just became smaller." Okay that's random.

You have a nice day too! (:

Maybe this is how the world works

So it's raining heavily outside and I'm cooped up in my room wondering why it always seems so much easier for people to be upset and get hung up over the things that people don't do rather than to appreciate and remember the things that they did. I think we are all guilty of this to some extent.

As I sit here mulling I am very tempted to conclude that this is how the world works, but that would seem almost too easy. (oooh loud thunder =/)

Mom's in a foul mood today. She was literally screaming at the top of her lungs because Papa didn't close the hall window and let the rain splash in. Apparently the "windows are wet, the chAIRS ARE WET, THE CABINET IS WET AND THE NEWSPAPER IS WEEEETAAAARGGGHHHH!!!!!!" I think she screamed till she almost choked on the "WEEEETAAAARGGGHHHH". =/ And she was asking why nobody went out to help her with the situation. Heck of course not, I was trembling in the closet even after having locked the bedroom door and seriously, would you go out there to get screamed at?

Honestly I think there might be something off with her, well i'm not sure, but she's really annoying nowadays like never before. When we're watching tv she always asks for the actors' names, and each time I want to tell her that it doesn't matter because she will forget it the next day anyway. She's been glued to the tv too, usually watching waaay past her bedtime. And she's also been pretty cranky these days. ugh. I wish my sister was here to share the brunt with me. Nah just kidding. It just feels like i've lost a partner in battle.

Slacker Post!

Every year spent in an educational institute seems to sap up some of my will to study. I must have lost all will since secondary two. I've got an examination tomorrow but yet I don't feel the pressure to study hard for it. I think this is what they call Attainment of Nirvana in a State of Slack.

I Thank the Very First Person Who Decided to Blog.

I was reading all the past 9P entries and I thought it was funny how I wrote 2 years ago so I stole it off the 9P blog and put it on my own haha. I mean, how random is "eating orange peels for meals"?



So, since our last post in 2006, here I am once again in 2008, (we can pretend we all had time lapses, and the last two years we spent in outer space not knowing we've been eating orange peel for meals) trying to bring a little semblance of activity back into the blog. (: Kudos to me for effort. Oh man I am so thick-skinned sometimes. "Only sometimes," I insist.

SO! If you actually read this, write an entry to let me know that you still read this godforsaken (yes godforsaken, but sainotforsaken) blog. Hahaha I know dg occasionally drops by to tag. Check out the tag board man, she left a tag in 2007 proudly proclaiming that she'd tagged the first tag of 2008. I LAUGHED when I saw the tag can. Maybe dg secretly moves forward and backward in time. And that spawned a First Tag of the Year thread. How retarded can we get la.

Ha I emailed you guys invites to be authors in this blog. It was weird cause blogger asked me to sign in with a google account but there was difficulty creating a new account so I used my gmail account, don't mind okay? Check your email! (:

Hehheh I am supposed to be working on my editing files now and I am so far behind my work schedule but anyway a short update on today's prata outing!

jas, mel and I met for prata at the usual bukit timah prata shop for lunch. AND OH guess what, I saw a certain Girl Guide teacher surnamed Loh on the bus today and I got the creeps la. I was asking mel if I should do something to her, but I decided that I'm a nice person and nice people don't bear grudges so I very nicely alighted without giving her head a hard push. So anyway, we had prata, and they ate boring pratas. jas ate like cheese mushroom prata (not so boring prata) and mel had cheese prata and egg prata( boring pratas. don't tell mel i said that. i think she won't read this ho ho ho). I, on the other hand, had cheese prata and prata PISANG (like PISAI can. oh man i am so childish) which is banana prata and they had the cheek to discriminate my banana prata. I liked it, but they obviously didn't. hahaha. But what matters is I liked it.

And then we had difficulty deciding where to go after the meal. And we finally decided to go to Island Creamery like after an hour. So off to IC it was, and did I mention that the weather was sweltering hot? urgh. It was. And the walk from the bus stop to the place was pretty lengthy. But we cooled off in the aircon at the Creamery so it wasn't that bad. Oh we spotted Jil in a photograph on the wall in the ice cream place. Okay random. Mel and I leeched off their free water supply that by right jas was the only legitimate one who was entitled to drink from because she was the only one who bought ice cream. I wanted to but I was broke. ): But I just got my cheque banked in and soon I will be rich!

So anyway, jas finished her ice cream and we made our way to Queensway Shopping Centre. Haha. The bus ride there was super fun la. The bus 93 didn't have aircon, and when it arrived at the bus stop the two of them were like, "EHH!! Now still got bus no aircon one meh?! The bus fare got cheaper not?" Made me feel like I was the only one who wasn't a suaku. Waherm.
So anyway, jas bought pretty, bling Nike shoes at Queensway! Was a steal really, value for money, good buy. We left the place at about 6 pm and took 61 back to bukit timah. The bus ride home was priceless. We had intellectual discussions about unsightly sleeping positions of commuters and various other topics. (:

I had a good time today, as usual when I am out with the 9Ps. Oh and wt agrees that this blog should be revamped because we are all mature young adults now, and pink really is a frivolous youth's colour. And wt thinks that our minds are all in the gutter because we have names like 'sai' and 9'pee'. Ah well. We aren't frivolous youths, so we should have an image revamp. I know dg is dying to do up the blog, right dg? Haha. Okay that's it for now la huh. I've got editing to do. URGH. Someone put me out of my misery. ):

Not that I'm exactly miserable. (:

Love, sai.



I laughed at fellow-minnah-skippy's entries too, and melmel's "very first (and pretty much only) entry!" mostly because they brought back extremely fond memories, some of which I had cleanly forgotten. (It made me realise that we were ALWAYS into Amazing Race, even when we were younger haha!) It's all very nice, I like the way we were, and i like the way we are. Even though I think we can still spend more time together. Nowadays when we meet it's all about art and craft HAHA. But it's undeniably fun. Even though we aren't as rowdy and crazy as we used to be, oh scratch that, i got reminded that we can still get very rowdy at times haha.

I have come to realise how fragile human relationships, especially friendships, can be. I admit that I don't put in that much efforts in friendships that I have made in the past few years because somewhere along the way, priorities have shifted. I am still looking to set that right, and in general to set my life right because these people matter to me. They do, I just don't show it as readily as I used to.

When I was in secondary school I was all about friends, like if there were silly memes that had questions like "who is more important, friends or family?" I would answer friends without hesitation. But at the age of 21, this has changed, and I am all about family now. Maybe it's because somewhere in my head something clicked when I saw that my dad now has saggy skin and white hairs on his head which I had never noticed before, and that everytime my mom gets up from the floor she has to support herself on the ottoman because of the pain in both her knees. When I look at my dad I subconsciously compare him to the image I have of him in his younger days, where he had thick black hair, lean muscles and a flat belly. When I look at my mom I compare her to when she had clear rosy skin and could walk for long periods of time.

I wonder where my younger parents have gone, and I wish they would come back. But every day that dawns I am faced with the effects of irreversible time, and I am reminded every day that age is fast catching up with my parents. I am scared stiff by the prospect of watching them age and eventually pass away, and when I think of this there is that heaviest weight on my heart that makes it sink to a new depth every day that passes. I don't think I can continue anymore so I shall stop.

People in Life III

Quite some time ago, I met a man called Mr Loh.
He was an unscrupulous business man, and I felt like one of the black pieces in his business plan,
contributing to its growth in the small ways in which my role was mapped.

This Mr Loh always wore ties with tacky prints,
and trousers that seemed 2 sizes too big, and when he walked he strutted, and
he told all the black pawn pieces that he had cctvs in the store such that he could observe us from his house when he was not around.
His eye glasses were bifocal, and he always wore them near the tip of his nose.
When he looked at you he hardly blinked, and the only time he smiled
was when customers were about.

This man wasn't the best of bosses, but he was extremely acute:
his acumen for business is as sharp as a shark's tooth.
He played the customers like white pieces, and pitted us against them.
He only made his appearance when he deemed the customer worthy of his time and vile manipulation,
and you could be sure there was only one thing on his mind, or three if you prefer: It was always about the money, money, money.
Other times he couldn't be bothered and acted through his weaker business partner,
a chubby, dark complexioned man whose name sounded like Hester.

When Loh said he wanted to help you, that's when you should be cautious.
You could easily fall into the trap he spins with words to lure you in.
The lies he made us tell the white pieces were to be said with smiles,
he planted more lies among us, which almost made our friendships sour.
I'm only glad I got out fast because I could have been in a worse-off disposition
if I didn't have the foresight to ignore his dubious promises of flexible working hours and increased weekend wages.

Acute Businessman Loh, I'm glad to have met you -- at least you made me see the dark side of business and possible untrustworthiness of the people behind it. I wish never again to see you, because you look unpleasant as it is, and any mode of interaction is out of the question, I promise you won't see even glimmer of recognition in my face.

They keep going, but they'll come back.

1 month after datou left, rinnie flew for australia today. All I seem to remember at the airport is that it was a big rush, from terminal to terminal, the last minute fussing over the packages, all the frenzied photo taking, rine having to rush to catch her plane. I think we took up her shopping time. ):

I really loved the smile on her face, because I thought it was also especially brilliant. I dunno what it is with brilliant smiles and departures. I think it's the excitement plus nervousness and the not knowing what to expect in a new land with a new start. But anyhow I thought rine was really strong, because she just went in like that, without hesitation in her footsteps.

And like datou, she too was unsure of which direction to head to get to her gate, and I had that same wave of emotion, and the same feeling that I was watching this girl on her way to becoming a woman. All I know is that when rine comes home she won't only be the smart, intelligent, brave, pretty young girl. She'll be a smart, intelligent, brave, pretty young woman who is kickass psychologist. And that makes me feel very proud of her. It's like witnessing the transition of my girly friend into a womanly friend.

All in all I hope that Australia is nice to rinnie, and that she'll be safe and sound, and take care of herself well. And that she'll come home with the same brilliant smile and fierce spirit, and never to lose the hearty laugh that she has. One year is twice of six months, thrice of four months, and six times of two months. Counting like that seems to make time go slightly faster.



And yet I miss her already.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Today was spent at the Science Centre, at the Body Worlds exhibit. Honestly it wasn't worth the 20 dollars, because everywhere you walked to it was there were the same dusty, cobwebbed bodies all over again. I have to admit though, that the giraffe and the horse bodies were pretty impressive. But here's a tip: the giraffe body you can see when standing outside the exit of the hall, and the horse body you can give a miss because there are pictures online.

Hey watch that hand, mate, you don't want that horse disintegrating on you.
(http://open.salon.com/blog/lost_in_berlin/2009/05/10/sex_after_death_the_new_body_worlds_exhibit_shocks_berlin)

Which means that you actually don't have to purchase a ticket to go in and look at 71 dead plastinated bodies because you can get a free show by standing at the exit. I would suggest you buy a 6 dollar ticket to enter the Science Centre instead because it definitely is so much more fun. And 6 dollars is a cheap price to pay for that many exhibits that you can interact with. Unlike boring, dusty plastinated bodies that you can't even touch. And it's not that they'll disintegrate la, they just don't fancy people pulling off strips of ligaments and little threads of nerves and blood vessels from the exhibits i think. If asked to choose, I won't be greedy, I just want the cute blood-vessels-and-capillaries chicken...

which looks like this, but in the shape of a chicken. It's quite cute really, like wiry red sponge.
(http://www.blogto.com/arts/2009/10/body_worlds_returns_to_toronto_this_time_with_more_heart/)

A note on the dust: It's in abundance everywhere, on the showcases, on the bodies, in the air, on the carpeted ground... you name it, it's extremely dusty. Oh and not to mention live people too, they were everywhere too. Mingling with the dead bodies. Ha, morbid thought I just had that I'm not sharing with you. Ray made a demented joke about tour groups being offered free entry, and then ending up as the exhibits.

I think this should be my favourite dead, plastinated, dusty human body. He's carrying his own skin, and it's really thick, like hide. I don't know why his skin is so thick.
(http://open.salon.com/blog/lost_in_berlin/2009/05/10/sex_after_death_the_new_body_worlds_exhibit_shocks_berlin)

Anyhow, I didn't think it was worth it. Uh uh. Nope. Oh well, but I guess it's those once in a lifetime kinda thing, like Universal Studios Singapore at Resort World Sentosa. 66 bucks for a ticket! Gee. I predict the only two times in my life I'll ever go is with Ray, and when I'm married with (hypothetical) kids and the kids want to go. I'll make sure there're no more kids in the production factory first, and bring all the (hypothetical) children I have. "Once is enough," I'll tell them, "if not mommy will have to go and be one of those plastinates in Gunther Von Hagens' Body Worlds, and you kids can use the money they send to you then."

新年快乐!

WE ARE NOT WHAT YOU THINK WE ARE
WE ARE GOLDEN
WE ARE GOLDEN!

I just think that people shouldn't be so narrow towards others' beliefs, ways of life, mindsets, habits way of doing things etc and think that just because they do it a different way from them that they should be restricted, and told off. Nobody has the right to tell anybody else what to do, and how to do it. Unless it's morally incorrect, then that's another story for another day.

What does Chinese New Year mean to you?

Sometimes my mind randomly brings me back to the moment my uncle passed away and it all still feels like it only happened yesterday.

Today.

Dear world, today you taught me one lesson with two examples.


11pm at night, 9p was at the airport to see Datou off. We took lots of photos, and my favourites were the polaroid ones. Happy Friend went into the waiting lounge at 12am, and as she turned back she flashed us a most brilliant smile. She looked so much like a little kid venturing into a huge playground with unsure steps, and as we looked at her find her way to her gate, all I could think of was "dt, please be safe."I admit I was worried, still a little now, that the silly big head will be stumbling along, and that she would be a little lost in a foreign land. But I know she is resilient, like how canoe polo has trained her to be, and that she will learn along the way. The only thing that I would ask for from anybody out there and up there who can hear me, is that my Happy Friend gets all the help she needs from anybody who can help her over where she is.

She may have looked a little lost, but as she eventually walked in the right direction I knew that this was how it was meant to be. It may throw you off your feet a little in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it it'll be fine, and I know that datou will be just fine. 6 months in Sweden should be a whole lot of fun.

11am in the morning, dajie officially moved out. It's been ongoing for some time, and I knew all along that she eventually was going to move, but I just didn't expect it to be so sudden and abrupt. Her room is now a vacant space in the house and when I step in it's so empty that I can almost hear my thoughts echo off the walls. I dislike the echoes that ring in the empty room. It amplifies every single tiny sound, even the sound of quiet loneliness. From now on it's just mom, dad and me. I won't have my sis randomly popping her head into my room asking to borrow my mp3 charger anymore. Or pestering me to transfer new songs into her mp3 player. Or just watching dvds together in their room anymore.

Bukit Gombak isn't so far away, but it definitely isn't near at all considering she's been living with me for 21 years of my life. It definitely doesn't feel right when I have to sms her "see you on thursday" for the first time ever when it always used to be "see you later at home!" It's absolutely heartwrenching. But then again that's how it is right. Now that she has her own life to live, I wish her all the best, and that she'd come home often for dinners! And I'm looking forward to stay overs and dinners at her place too.

I used to imagine how my mom and her sisters were before they each got their own houses, and how they must have felt having to move apart from one another. I haven't fully accepted that she has moved out for good, but I guess I will learn to cope. I imagine my parents must feel sadder than I feel. It's like having to finally come to terms with their daughter being all grown up.



Today, the first day in school, a lecturer asked a question: "When does a child officially become an adult?"
I think I've got the answer. It's today.
It's today that I become an adult.

Come on, let's get a move on.

Today, things went wrong. At 1 pm in the afternoon I sat on the toilet bowl and didn't want to leave home. Everything was not going well. I was already dressed and ready to leave, but I couldn't. I looked at the pink blob on the toilet paper and imagined it becoming alive. It was like a piece of flesh from the inside, and it looked like it could breathe. I was looking forward to today, and I was looking forward to it going smoothly so that I could go home to do some editing before the day ended and send it to my editor, but it didn't, and it was alright.

It was drizzling when I left your house, and then I realised I had forgotten to take the heart that she wanted to give me. I know she said it in passing, but at that point it really meant alot to me. I had half the mind to text her to keep it for me, but I guess it would have been weird for her.

Everything feels a bit off nowadays. In my humble opinion, I think it's only because at the beginning you and I spent so much time together, and now that we're comfortable with each other and not spending so much time now -- only now-- do I realise that you're not the one I used to know. Over the years you have changed subtly, and we were close enough and met often enough such that I didn't realise the change in you. When you were with me you showed me a side of you that I had gotten used to over the years. What I didn't see was the time that we did not spend together. What did you do in that time then?

Today I am tired. I am tired of editing taking away my time. People think that editing is easy peasy, just like everybody else who isn't in another person's shoes. But it's not easy at all. Everybody must be thinking, how much time can editing take up? And how difficult can reading a few pages of words be? To be honest, it is the constant thought that is on my mind. I get no peace when I have unedited files due in a tight deadline. Every day without fail I wake up, switch on the computer and sit down to edit, have some lunch, watch some tv, go back to editing till it's dinner time, get distracted some, have dinner, chat on the phone with ray, go back to editing till about 3 am, sleep, wake up the next morning and repeat the routine. It's sickening at times, but I don't complain because the money is good. Sometimes when I sit and stare at the computer screen for 3 to 5 hours straight i get a neck pain that only office workers should be getting, and I don't even realise it until I move my stare away from the monitor, but I don't complain because the money is good. At times, it takes my social time away, like today and previously, where everything I plan I have to plan it around editing. And people possibly aren't happy about it, but I'm not complaining because the money is good. And I sometimes don't like the side of me that works for the money.

Some people don't see the need to earn so much money when we're still studying. Some people don't need the money. I would like to spend the last few days of the holiday enjoying myself too, who wouldn't? Some people don't understand your job. But that's only because they're not wearing your shoes, and however much you wished you were wearing theirs, you're not.

And a very happy new year to you too.