If I could tell your future
I'd say "Love the world you'll find."





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Designer Basecodes Inspiration/Background Brushes

I've chosen side with the sun and the silence.

to always shine and always glow.

And even if I don't, I just know that this Saturday will be a BLAST! Like, BOOMZ! (gosh it's everywhere isn't it, even in nondescript blogs.)

Today, deetee messaged me "omg happy friend GO AND OPEN YOUR MAIL BOX," and I did, and I found that a cryptic message had arrived in the form of a letter through the mail. Upon opening the envelope, I saw two inserts. On one side of the first cardboard insert, it said "The Amusing Race," (it's SO 9P la, must have been skippy's idea can) complete with the signature Amazing Race clue card design. (Back at you skippy, "amaze me, amuse me" EH?) On the opposite side, it says "OUR PLANS HAVE CHANGED" in capitals, and below, "**DO NOT BE LATE**". (Something tells me that I musn't be late, and that they expect deetee and me to be able to figure out the location. What if we don't?!?) The second insert was a hand-drawn map. AAAAAHHHHH! And I died on the spot from the excitement that my 21 year old heart could not take.

Because of all the effort that 9P has put into designing the Amusing Race, I just know that it will be great. (: And I am terribly excited! So excited that I can't concentrate on my assignment. Speaking of which, it must be the busy period for them now too, and yet they took time off to think of this lovely race (cum tekkan session) thingum. (: They're the sweetest (and the most mischievious) really! BIG KISSES TO YOU GIRLS!

Paying tribute to my loner days in JC, I have taken to updating this blog in school once again. This time the computer lab is filled with girls. And I am looking off their screens and seeing some KFC webpage, which is making me hungry. By now it should be pretty apparent that I am trying to while away time. I am supposed to meet Ray at boonlay later for a movie, but he hasn't had his last parade yet.

You know what? I really miss Rachel. Especially when Coldplay's 'The Scientist' comes on in my playlist, I feel like I can swim all the way to Australia and walk to Canberra to find her. Talk about budget travel.

Tomorrow I turn 21, which means that I'll be able to vote for the next elections. But other than that I really don't know what else it means. I haven't found the meaning of turning 21. Right now it just feels like a number to me. A number like 14 or 9. Let me figure out some new direction, and then I'll tell you how it feels to turn 21.

The other day in lecture, this Chinese girl came to sit beside me and started chatting with me. Her english was good for someone who only came to Singapore 2 months ago. (Did the school term only start 2 months ago? It actually feels like half a year had already gone by.) She asked me what my favourite book was. I was speechless for a moment. I find that at times like this when people ask me what my favourite book is my mind usually goes blank. Because I can't seem to think of the books that I like in an instant. Then I answered "Roald Dahl" because I honestly do like his works. Not those that he wrote for adults, but his childrens' books. Fantastic. I grew up reading them.

I am bad at formulating my thoughts and recounting events when you talk to me face to face. I usually stutter and have to think for a long time before actually remembering what exactly I want to say, and what happened. So if you ask me if anything interesting happened I'll probably save myself the embarrassment and say "nope, nothing interesting happened to me recently, how about you?".

After half a year this semester at school I concluded that I am officially a moron.

"However much you love a woman, however much you trust her, however sure of the future her past life makes you, you are always jealous to some degree. If you have ever been in love, really in love, you must have experienced this need to shut out the world and isolate the person through whom you wished to live your whole life. It is as though the woman you love, however indifferent she may be to her surroundings, loses something of her savour and consistency when she comes into contact with men and things."
(La Dame aux Camelias, Alexandre Dumas fils)

What happens when you feel like you've been taken for granted? And I don't mean it in a "hey I know you're sick but could you swing by and buy a packet of char kway teow for me?" way, but rather in a "hey I know you're sick but could you (go down to the supermarket to buy some ingredients, oh and I do want cockles in my kway teow, fresh ones please!) cook some char kway teow and deliver it to my home for me?" way. Well, the above scenarios are hypothetical, but I'm just trying to prove a point.

Sucks man.

Recently I've been pretty emotional. But yesterday while I was doing laundry and listening to music at the same time, I suddenly got reminded of us, and how unexpectedly that we end up together after some years, that ray was just a boy that I saw at a random campfire, and that the goodness that I have found in him is something that I know I will never take for granted. And I realised that I'm an extremely lucky girl.

I had the renewed vision of what it is like being a part of a family unit. I had newfound appreciation for every thing that my parents have done for me, and I am extremely grateful for them. I have had thought nasty thoughts about them in the past, and I have had shut them out before. I finally understood that no one is perfect, and that what my dad and mom have done for the family is way beyond their flaws, and that I am most willing to overlook those tiny imperfections. And now that they are getting on in age, I want to be able to provide for them, and let them rely on me like I have relied on them my entire life up till now.

I also came to terms with my sister being married. I accepted that we could not be as close to each other as in the past, because she now has someone who will occupy a large part of her life, and she does not have as much time for me. And on my part I acknowleged that I have also left out much less time to spend with her because now I have got ray. And on weekends he and i go out and do stuff, and on weekdays when she comes home she's almost always in the room with joe. But I know that she will always be there for me when I need her, and that she will always be the dajie that I can turn to, whom I can borrow stuff from, and whom I have always loved as before.

I suddenly missed how 9p was in secondary school, when we more or less had lives that involved each other. I saw that this is what growing up and being apart does to people. It puts some distance between people, and with age people change, and that adds a little more distance until I see the same girls who stand before me, the ones I felt like I have known all my life, having become young ladies with plans for the future, with aspirations, with careers in the making, with different passions, with different characters and opinions. And I wonder how much more we will grow, and fervently hope to an invisible force to make us grow up slower, not too fast that we let details fly by, but also not too slow that we yearn to grow up quicker. I fervently hope too, that these girls retain all the innocence of their childhood and school days which will allow them appreciation for the littlest bit of beauty and wonder in the world that they may find, be it lush green leaves rustling in the wind, or the smell of crisp earthy morning air, and not get taken by the so-called-grownups-who-can't-wait-to-grow-up and adults' "oh-i'm-so-jaded-nothing-can-impress-me-now" attitude. I fervently hope that they can find happiness in the smallest things, and that they can only want nothing else.

Eugene had a difficult time dealing with his conscience.

His training had taught him that the passengers' safety is always top priority, and in the event of the unfortunate person falling onto the train tracks, he was to sacrifice that particularly unfortunate life for greater good - saving the passengers on board from the sudden application of emergency brakes which could send any passengers on their feet lunging violently forward. It was also easier for the company to dismiss the unfortunate death as a horribly unfortunate incident altogether, rather than to account for the numerous injuries caused by the driver's split second decision to jam-brake the train.

There is a standing joke-that-isn't-really-funny among the colleagues: The worst time for anybody to fall down onto the train tracks is during rush hour - confirm become sacrifice, and the company has to deal with waves of public dissentment of "Why wait for train wait so long, why can't you guys be more efficient" and whatnot. The worst part of the train tracks to fall on is at the end part of the station, where the train first enters - driver confirm cannot spot you fast enough and train only just starting to reduce speed. The best kind of people to fall onto the tracks are fresh literature graduates - fresh out of university, with no concrete direction in life, and no skill that is valuable to the workforce, they are pretty much busy being a waste of valuable resources anyway.

Eugene was highly aware of the moral implications that came with sacrificing a human life in return for the safety of the majority, but what's done's done.

Twenty years later today, Eugene's stuck in a rut, constantly reminding himself that it's for the greater good, it's for the greater good. Training didn't teach him how to assuage the guilt that was haunting him. And nobody told him that it would last this long.

But it was probably for the greater good.

For the first time since the stupid examinations ended, behold, a blog entry of sorts! =D

In a narcissistic fit, for the first time since I changed my blog layout, I took a look at my webpage with Internet Explorer and eeyuck, why is the layout like that? The text is tiny, too tiny, don't read it! It's bad for eyesight. Growls.

I don't understand! How come it looks perfectly fine with Mozilla? *grumbles grumbles* What am I supposed to do now? My blog is so pretty on Mozilla aaaaah!