THE GEMINIDS ARE FALLING!!!

Whoohoo~! Hello everybody it's that time of the year again! Tomorrow happens to be the peak of the Gemini meteorite shower wheeee. It's like the most exciting event that I look forward to each year besides Christmas and New Year (because these events are spent with NINEPEE WHOOOOOO!)

I've compiled a list of necessary conditions and items to bring along while catching a meteorite shower.

1. NIGHT. Like duh. You can't see meteorites with your naked (Gawsh I lurrrve the wurd NAYKED.) eye during the day unless you're like some super being like Superman. And you've got to be somewhere dark really. At least where you can't see any light source within like 5 meters in front of you. That'd be good enough because Singapore's so heavily lit. Come to think of it the best place to be would really be at Lim Chu Kang. Not the cemetery, the campsite. It's really dark there and the best astronomical experience I'd had was there during the Secondary 3 camp.

2. CLEAR AND OPEN SKIES. This is super important because if the sky where you're at isn't clear, there's no point really, because all the meteors will be shooting by and all you'll be seeing will be clouds. Also no point if your entire view of the sky can be blocked by the back of a hobbit's hand. Okay I have no idea why I used that analogy, but anyway, you need a big sky.

3. GROUNDSHEETS. This would be absolutely necessary unless you have a better alternative like a sofa or a bed or a sofabed. Oh well. Nah that's rubbish why would you find any bed-like item in a dark open place? Ooh. Kinky. But anyway, groundsheets are vital because they're meant to be spread on the ground for you to lie on. It can be tiring having to bend your head skywards for the duration of the night. Trust me I've been there. JUST LIE ON THE BLOODY GROUND.

4. WARM CLOTHES. No you really wouldn't want to freeze under the sky. It can get reeeeally reeeally cold at night. Ask the Winter Melon if you don't believe. Bring warm woolly socks too! They come in handy. Don't be lazy just do it. (HEAR THAT DONGUA?!)

5. GOOD COMPANY. whoohoo with good company, even if you aren't interested in the sky, you've got good reason to lie on the ground. Oh hoho, sorry I can't lend 9P to you guys. Go find your own.


WAHHAAHAHAHA I love lists. Anyway you should be discerning in whatever you read to judge for yourself what is rubbish and what isn't. Basically I'm rubbish. But that doesn't mean that every single thing I say is rubbish. Okay I think I'm emotionally unstable I should so totally go and be a Goth. ;) Okay that was rubbish.

ENJOY THE GEMINIDS!!!!!!!

People In Life 1

--- Carolyn is my sister. She's eight years older than me, and most of the time people react to this by raising their eyebrows and remarking "Wah, the age gap so big ah?" She's pretty, and this is confirmed by all the stares she gets from men and women alike when she goes on the streets. Carolyn is a Christmas baby, and that makes her all the more special to me. I always tell her how lucky she is to receive twice the presents on her birthday, and she always pretends to cry and say "Boohoo who on their birthday still must give presents to other people one?"

When we were young we used to play and quarrel. We don't quarrel now, not at all and I think it's amazing. We still call each other names like idiot and moron for fun, and she behaves like a kid most of the time when we're together. haha. We still game on the xbox together, and yes we do things together. She has Joe now, the guy she's going to get married to, and I think they're going to be really happy together. Occasionally I feel neglected because she's always out with Joe, (the past two weeks when Joe was in Australia was the most homey she's ever been in a very long time) but it is always made up with bonding sessions in each others' room.

People tell me that she and I are extraordinarily close, but most of the time I just think to myself "This is how sisters should be." Carolyn guides me through life. She's always there to advise me on tough stuff. She has expectations of me, and more often then not I think I fail them, being the big loser that I always have been. Sigh. More and more I feel like she's shaping my life. I don't mean it in a bad way, in fact I think the future seems more secure like that, but sometimes I do feel like she's moulding my life in her footsteps. And maybe that's not what I really want. I always tell her not to pay for my meals and movie tickets and karaoke expenses when we go out but she still does it anyway, even though she's currently saving up for her wedding next year. I guess to her I'll always be her kid sister and to me she'll always be my dajie. I feel a tinge of sadness when I think of her wedding and I know it will be soon that she moves out and start a new phase of her life. But I'm happy that she can finally get that pet dog we both have been wanting! Haha. And on top of that I'm happy that she can finally really lead a life of her own, and start a family.

There's so much more about her that I can go on about but...
I LOVE MY SISTER!
That just sums up all that I have to say.

Don't blame me, it's a hardware problem.

Hi guys! Here's what you missed out in my life when I was busy with the evil exams.

1st November 2006 - Death Note.
Death Note is an amazing movie because there wasn't a single moment that I actually felt sleepy while watching it. Well I say this because recently the movies that have been showing in theatres have been disappointingly... well, how do I put this, let's just say that I have been nodding off in them against my will. But on second thoughts it might just have been me insisting on going for movies when I obviously am sleep deprived. But then again I was too for Death Note and I didn't even once yawn during the movie. DUDE that is what I call a captivating plot.

Well movies have a great impact on me because sobs sobs, I'm so sentimental. :( (Even now I still cry when I watch Spider-Man 2, and it's not because of the Chinese woman's singing) I found Initial D so good that I watched it thrice. And bought the VCD. Which will probably be upgraded to a DVD. And NO, I assure you it's NOT BECAUSE OF JAY CHOU!!! (okay maybe like 98% of it is, but I'm not that superficial okay, there're other factors too. Like say Edison Chen and oh, Shawn Yue. See.) No but seriously, Jay Chou is losing his thing. Have you seen how he looks like in his newest movie "The curse of the Golden Flower?" (DUDE JUST LEAVE THE FRINGE ALONE!! LEAVE IT ALONE!!!!) or maybe people in olden days didn't have fringes. But if you catch no ball go check it out okay? :)

Ah back to Death Note, it's a cool movie. It's cool really, because it has a part II, and usually movies with part IIs are cool. Think Matrix, The Grudge and check this out -- Pirates of the Caribbean! Whoohoo welcome to the league.

Honestly when I first read the synopsis for the movie I actually didn't see anything wrong with the protagonist Light going around killing criminals. Now I'm terrified(! pertrified! stupefied!) by the thought of what would have happened if the Death Note(book) actually ended up with me. Of course I'm no genius like Light and L, and I probably wouldn't even think about the greater good of Mankind, and start killing people that I don't like. Wahahha. POWER SUPREME here I come!!! Think of all the things I could do! (Or rather all the people I can rid the world of)

1) I could kill the next person I see on television trying to advertise for slimming products with gaudy advertising methods.
2) I could kill the dog that constantly leaves poo mines around on the corridor.
3) Best of all, I could kill the irritating eyebrow-trimming-yellow-skinsuit-Singapore-Idol-reject who has attacked me twice in Orchard Road, offering to trim my eyebrows therefore insinuating that I have ugly brows, (which I do by the way) and get rid of him once and for all! MUAHAHAH.

No I was just kidding when I said all of that. Firstly, I do not have the Death Note(book) with me. Although I might actually be retarded enough to create my own, but that's just me and my mundane retard antics. Secondly I'm a advert-cum-dog-cum-man lover, and therefore wouldn't dream of doing a thing to them. Ha, but I may kill women to increase the man:woman ratio. (more men more men!) Nah just kidding, I love women too. Oops did I really just say that. Oh whatever. Thirdly, L from the movie is too hot for words. Okay that brings us back to why Death Note is a good movie to catch.

Oh and Exiled is a good movie too because FRANCIS NG is in it! DUDE. WHOO. Sizzling hot. You know all these years I've been having this major crush on Francis Ng but haven't told anybody until recently partly because I know that their first reaction's gonna be "OH that man who ALWAYS acts in PSYCHOTIC ROLES?" and a part of me will grudgingly admit "Yeeeeess... he alwaaaays acts in psychotiiiic roooles" but SO WHAT?! He's charismatic and good looking and I SO LOVE HIM! XD (ah. that finally off my chest.) Yes, in Exiled he was exceptionally hot. Drools. And besides hot eyecandy there's sex and violence too. That's what I call a good movie. Ahhaha no it's actually about friendship (plus the sex and the violence) and I found it touching so I cried.



okay and I'm getting bored. Stay tuned though to my upcoming series! - People in my Life.

My Mind's a Whirlwind.

The dashboard tells me that the last time I'd updated was on the 19th of September. It feels like such a long time ago now. Hello everybody, it's been a while hasn't it?

I've been having bouts of melancholia and diarrhoea. No, and it isn't because of the diarrhoea that I've been feeling melancholy. The diarrhoea made me feel terrible and the melancholia made me feel... well, melancholy. :(

I'm stumped as to why I've been feeling this way of late. It could be because

1) it's nearing That Time of The Month
Which I think is highly likely considering that I haven't had my period in about 2 months. Gasp, now you know I'm irregular, and that I lose the delicate balance that exists among the moods. But it's not that I like it. I'm irritated that I can be ridiculously happy one moment, and get upset the next at the slightest nuance, like when Phillip speaks too loudly, or when Bessie asks me whether I'd like a Kinder Bueno. EVERYTHING SIMPLY JARS ON MY NERVES.

2) a large majority of my friends have finished their papers, leaving me to wallow in the misery from waiting for that darned last paper on friday.
And it really does not help that one of them keeps messaging me about her After-Exams Plans, asking me if I'd like to learn yoga, or jazz dance, or whether I've got any job offers to recommend her, or that she's really bored right now, even when I've made it very clear that HEY, I'VE STILL GOT ONE BLOODY PAPER LEFT (SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE TO SUFFOCATE AND DIE AMONG MY BOOKS). Nah I didn't say that but I did tell her that I really have to study for this last paper. (Read: So can we leave your plans till the end of my exam?) And the next thing she messages me about is that she saw her eyecandy. Talk about being insensitive. YEA SO WHAT IF I'M EXHIBITING "SOUR GRAPES" BEHAVIOUR?! Like seriously, I'm just not in the mood to think about taking up jazz. Or yoga. Or whatever. (Okay my parents are irritating me just by sitting there laughing. Shoot I should just move out or something.)

3) I have a very strong feeling that I'm going to flunk the exams.
I know what you're going to say. "Things won't turn out to be as bad as they seem." Hey that's like my line so go get your own line. Who am I trying to kid? Like what, I've got powers to predict the future and I see you in smiles after getting your result slip so I can actually tell you that things won't turn out to be as bad as they seem? Nah, get real. Things are as bad as they seem, and I don't see me getting into a University of my choice, or any University at all.

Okay I can't continue because I'm feeling really lousy right now. And it doesn't help that if I sit and cry in front of the computer Bessie's going to call me a psycho for sure. I hate it that I can't even cry in peace. Like hell, do your parents knock on the door when it's locked and demand to know what's happening even after you've told them to fucking leave you alone and when you ignore them they actually get angry? Why, not that I'm crying now I only cry on special occasions (dang I can never spell that word)

Okay on second thoughts I'm feeling a little better now and not as lousy as before so I think I'll just hang around. I think I shall play Phillip's XBox late into the night tonight. And oh man I can so so predict the two of them waking up and asking me to go and sleep. Damn. You know there's currently so much angry energy that Misery is creating in me that I think I've really become psychotic. I shall get a tattoo. Or a piercing. Or maybe I'll just content myself with killing people in the TV screen.
Help! I need help!

This isn't really me. You know it don't you.
I should be a hermit.

Lowlife

Nah, whizteen shall die because that's not really what I want to become.

Dreams make people larger than life, and my dreams keep me going.

You can always count on them to keep you moving forward when the sheer weight from your notes and textbooks threaten to crush your sanity. Without your sanity you have no direction, you are studying without a purpose. Without sanity you easily lose sight of your goal. Without sanity you'll just want to wither up and cry in a corner. Dreams pull you back from THE ABYSS THAT IS when you lose your sanity.

I appreciate it.

Dearest 9P, you make me complete. I don't think we are something other people can undersand. Recent events have made me feel this even more so.
You are my solace. You are my haven.
I know this sounds exaggerated, but yep. You deserve high praise.

Chronicles of the Potential I.T. Whizteen - The Fall.

So I've been told that my link doesn't work. I DON'T GET IT! (Potential I.T. Whizteen pulls at hair in anger) It's outrageous. It's my first link and it doesn't work! gah. But as the saying goes, "if at first you don't succeed, always get up and try again (always get up and try again, try again. Aaliyah anyone?)" And so I will. The Potential I.T. Whizteen will not succumb to one tiny little glitch that is obstructing people out there to gain access to this cute little website with guaranteed endless fun! I will bring fun to the people! Move pointer over here and click for some fun.
Ha there you go!

Okay now if you are wondering why I'm wasting my time doing such stuff when I am supposed to be studying in the library, I can't help it. Honestly I can't. I must jump at every opportune moment that allows me to hone my I.T. Skills in order to become a real I.T. Whizteen. And this IS an opportune moment because the computer laboratory is virtually empty (hahaha geddit?) with only one irritating nerd sitting at the farthest corner away from me. He probably thinks I'm an irritating obnoxious nerd typing away with all her might to produce the loudest noise possible one can ever possibly produce with a keyboard. Ha! SO I AM! Sue me! Wheee. I love making fun of stranger nerds. No I mean I love making fun of nerds I do not personally know i.e. nerds who are strangers to me? Like stranger nerds? Wahahha. But hey don't get me wrong, some nerds I know are pretty cool. (How's that for an argument with both sides of the picture? For balance eh?) Okay so said nerd had just tried to attack me with pressing down hard on the keyboard like six times in succession. To which I shall retaliate with pressing down hard on the spacebar like eight times in succession. HA TAKE THAT YOU NERD! You can never beat me at making noise with a keyboard ha.

And so the Potential I.T. Whizteen (hereby known as PIW) had triumphed once again over the nerd (hey stop peeking over here nerd or I'll gorge your eyes out with a thumbdrive) who stands in her way to becoming a Real I.T. Whizteen. Whoohoo.

To all those taking their Advanced Levels Examinations, GO STUDY and stop surfing la.

Doesn't Sound Quite Right Now, Does It?

I am extremely apologetic for having neglected this blog and all the other blogs out there in the blogosphere which I used to visit.
It has been A Stupendously Long Time now hasn't it.
In said period of time I had been disowned by Bessie not once, mind you, but twice, embarked on a campaign in collaboration with Carolyn to pester Phillip and Bessie for a dog (would you sign a petition if I gave you one, indicating that you'd like the children of the Tan Family to get the dog that they'd always wanted?), been studying really hard (hey I can type with crossed fingers!), and on top of all that been constantly exposed to poetry that is either very rubbishy, or very beyond me to the extent that it appears very rubbishy. You cannot imagine my agony, dear people who do not study the book by a certain Mr Boey. Or maybe they poems are way beyond me. Or maybe I'm drifting about like an empty shell. Or maybe I just need to embark on a pilgrimage, like a certain Mr Boey.
It's been such a Stupendously Long Time since I'd been blogging it seems like I'd almost forgotten how to. Oh and by the way I've been trying to figure this out---> Put pointer here and click. It's an uber cool site and the graphics are all so cute. OH! I'VE FINALLY INCLUDED A HYPERLINK IN AN ENTRY FOR THE VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE!!! HUZZAH!! WATCH OUT FOR THE UPCOMING I.T. GENIUS IN THE MAKING!
I've been reduced to updating in school again. I try not to feel sorry for myself, but the three irritating people sitting across me are annoying. One's humming "Tong Hua" (OVERRATED! OVERRATED! OVERRATED!) on repeat, one's asking the meaning of prawning, and the other, oh well the other one's just typing too loudly. Let me see if the sound of ME typing on the keyboard can drown all of them out. Damn nerds. Oh well I shall just leave them to their world and move to the library. Watch out nerds if I see the three of you again I'm gonna sock you with my schoolbag.
Ha but before that I'd like to announce: On Hiatus until the next time I have the time to update. Like duh. Okay but I found that fun.

Bet You Thought it was the End of Me.

*ctrl alt del*



*ctrl alt del*


*Ctrl Alt Del*
*Ctrl Alt Del*





*CTRL ALT DEL*
*CTRL ALT DEL*
*CTRL ALT DEL*
*CTRL ALT DEL*
*CTRL ALT DEL*
*CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL**CTRL ALT DEL*

*When things go beyond your CONTROL, take the ALTERNATE way out and hit the DELETE key to erase the mistake. *

Why Are You Reading This?!

If I were a camera, would I want to have an in-built short term memory?

If I were a camera, I wouldn't want to have an in-built short term memory. It'd be fine if all I see and capture are of a pleasant nature, but what if I belong to a psychopath and all the pictures this psychopath takes are of an unpleasant nature?! Oh the horror! The horror! These unpleasant images would then be imprinted in my short term memory, and I'd be unduly traumatised by them images. But then again if I were a camera I wouldn't be capable of emotions and feelings, and I probably wouldn't find anything wrong with the pictures taken by a psychopath. So I probably wouldn't mind if I had a in-built short term memory. I think it's even more probable that I were to be the psychopath.

About the short term memory, mine doesn't seem to be working very well these few days. I think it's pretty much overloaded with rubbish. Oh no. I'm becoming so forgetful that I cannot remember what it was that I wanted to type when I was just thinking about it a few minutes ago. I think every human being should be constructed with a build-in sound recorder that records every single thing you say and hear in the day, that way we would all become super humans, and then we'd be wishing for stuff like retractable wings, x-ray vision and maybe Saddam would wish for a nuclear testing plant. Wait, or does he already have one. No! I'm not insinuating anything! I need to clear my short term memory, it's getting so messed up that I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm becoming incoherent! AAAAH! That's about the worse thing that can happen to a camera. I meant psychopath. Nono, Saddam. No actually I wanted to say superhuman. Or did I want to say human. Is that it?

I think communication is an important tool. We constantly need to make our feelings known. I would gladly talk to animals if it was socially acceptable. I would gladly talk to Jay Chou's picture. I would also gladly talk to inanimate objects like the Xbox, although I would be much better of playing it. HAHA. Okay no pun intended. Or did I intend to pun? Gah. I cannot, for the love of all humanity, remember what my intended destination was in saying "I think communication is an important tool," but I think it goes along the lines of oh well, the importance of communication.
*I scream and faint.*
It's so pointless to try and type when the brain is giving up on me.

Maybe I'll do something simpler like disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativty for the 583rd time. Haha no I'm just joking, I don't even know his Theory of Relativity. I still wanna type even in the state of massive degradation my brain is in.

I am so gald taht the Jnue hloiyads are gnona dsenecd uopn me in auobt two dyas tmie. Oaky at tihs pinot in tmie I get the fienleg taht I'm tnriyg too hrad and shitemong tlels me taht I solhud jsut scumcub to the stuedcion of the bed.
My spllieng is gtntieg sceewrd I sewar. Hey balme it on the barin oaky. Taht's waht you get for tiyrng too hrad.

You are the Bluest Light

Donny had been feeling harsh and bitter cold on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. The animals in the barren woods told Donny that Sunday was technically the first day of the week. Donny still thinks that Rainday would make a better first-day-of-the-week. Saturday, Rainday, Monday. Or why not Snowday? Or Hailday?

Donny trots (although trotting is an inappropriate course of action because it does not match Donny's mood and Donny always thinks that moods should be shown so that people know how Donny is feeling and do not provoke Donny to make Donny flare up because Donny knows that that will be far worse in fact a thousand million gazillion times worse than Donny being in a bad mood and it will be hypocritical but Donny detests the way mood always has a way of poisoning the atmosphere) through the barren woods. The chill refused to go away.

On Monday Donny felt so bad that the tears could not hold. The tears ran through Donny's frock and Donny was left with a torn frock. The chill hit home like a stalactite. The animals are all running away. Donny should be left alone. Donny wants to go home. Donny wants to go home alone. Run animals run. Donny needs to wake up to the rain.


And I did a raindance.

My Parents are Noisy People

Okay so I'm currently supposed to be doing my UN source based assignment but because I'm signed into MSN and so is skippy I think I shall leave the UN source based assignment aside for a while. *Ooh is that a hint of alliteration that I see?*

I just realised that my mucous (I have no idea how to spell this) is bloodied yet again. I think I'm dying, skippy I think i'm dying! I'm so happy that I have people to talk to it gets me off stuff for some time. And it was great what the one called rachel told me yesterday while we were sitting on the stairs outside the Cultural Center, and skippy online! Nah. I'm just kidding.

So skippy just asked me to go watch Da Vinci Code on sunday. Whoohoo! I'm excited yes I am! I know you all are tired hearing about me rant and rant and rant non-stop and it's getting on every single nerve in your body, and it's anti-social behaviour running off to Lecture Theatres on my own. I always thought I was somewhat a social misfit, but like WHATEVER SAY WHAT YOU WANT I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE CALLING ME A LONER BEHIND MY BACK! *left eyelid twitches profusely, nostrils flare and breath exits nose in sharp spurts, sending flecks of bloodied mucous (I can't spell this word for the life of me) all about the keyboard* Okay that's gross. Oh well.

Saint Andrew wasn't with the hockey team today. But then again Saint Andrew was a fisherman, so I guess he wouldn't have known how to help if he had been present. But I bet he would have recognised that the team put up a pretty damn good fight and would have rewarded them with nets/rods/bait. Okay you rest in peace okay Saint Andrew. Look over us while you're at that!

So they say that Singapore Idol's gonna air on channel 5 soon! I so so so can't wait for the debut okay. I wanna laugh my heart out at the ones who are just dying to get laughed at.

And I wanna watch Over the Hedge! It's like so cute. So cute. Oh and X-Men III too! And I wanna watch Cabaret with tofu!

Injections - Withdrawals Part IV

Here's the long-awaited part IV. What do you mean by saying that you didn't even know there was a part IV?

Eeli; EELIPHAAAANTY! hahahah love the name man totally. EELITANNY!!! ahahhaha. (okay that's enough vanessa how would you like it if somebody went about poking fun at your name calling you dabian. AAAAH but then again they already do so dahhahaha! *erupts in a bout of laughter*) But no no, seriously. Okay! Eeli you're this super duper hardworking lady and you are definitely capable of flying way up high in the A levels can! By saying that I mean that your results will be damn good! :) Whoohoo! No kick man girl! haha. Yep so this is my fellow photog mate! Yes photog always seems better because you're around! :) And the you always don't eat breakfast in the morning ah, quite bad you know. Breakfast gives you energy you see! And you must have energy to do things properly! Haha the best part is that I can always crap around with you and that's cool cause not many people like to crap around! :) haha I love you eeli!

The Stars are Plunging, Crashing, Plummeting.

OKAY I'M GOING TO SHOUT IT ALL OUT BECAUSE I'M REALLY FEELING LIKE SHIT RIGHT NOW AND TYPING IT ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS GIVES ME THE ILLUSION THAT I AM VENTING MY ANGER ON ALL WHO ARE CURRENTLY READING THIS. WELL IT'S NOT THAT I WANT TO VENT MY ANGER ON YOU PEOPLE I ACTUALLY THINK YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST PEOPLE AROUND BUT OH HELL JUST BEAR WITH ME. IT'S A REALLY SHITTY FEELING THAT'S RESIDING IN ME AND, AND, and I really don't want to continue feeling this way. All of a sudden I'm feeling so small, SO INSIGNIFICANT, SO SMALL SO SMALL EVERYTHING'S FALLING, PLUNGING, CRASHING, PLUMMETING IT'S CRAP IT'S CRAP EVERYTHING IS CRAP IT'S CRAP. THE NOISE FROM THE TELEVISION IS JARRING SO JARRING I FEEL LIKE SMASHING THE SCREEN IN SO JARRING I HATE THE WAY I'M FEELING ALL THESE FEELINGS SHOULD CEASE CEASE CEASE RIGHT NOW JUST STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT ALL JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP IT SHUT UP I HATE IT I HATE IT EVERYTHING'S NOT WORKING OUT I LOVE MY FRIENDS IT'S NOT WORKING OUT IT'S ALL OVER THAT'S IT IT'S ENOUGH I HATE THIS I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT BUT LIKE WHATEVER IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW PLUNGING CRASHING PLUMMETING FALLING FALLING FALLING FALLING ALMOST THERE NOW ALMOST BELIEVING ALMOST BELIEVING ALMOST ALMOST SHORT OF FALLING. LEADING LEADING BEING PULLED ALONG BY THE NOSE JUST LEAVE ME LEAVE ME LEAVE ME ALL ALONE I HATE THIS.
IT'S ALL OVER.
IT'S ALL OVER.
OVER.

It's all over and I'm cool with that. By tomorrow everything will be fine after a good night's sleep.

Atop the Building, Strumming on Heartstrings.

Act 1 Scene 1
I conclude that it is a bad day today. It is a very bad day. Frightening. I do not like being in school on bad days. Because when it is a bad day I like to be alone. And when school people see me alone, they will conclude that I am a loner. And I do not like being called a loner. Frightening.


I am trying to pull off a "Top Girls" in which the Acts do not appear in chronological order, and the author does it the way she does because she is trying to get the audience to think long and hard about what she is trying to say. (For the uninitiated, "Top Girls" is a socialist-feminist play that addresses the issue of women and their role in a patriachal society. Or sorts. Don't ask me what 'patriachal' means, I didn't know too initially, until Mr. Smith kept using the term and I gradually gathered that patriachal means something like male-dominated, masculine inclination etc. etc.) But personally I think it's an attempt to confuse the audience and lose them somewhere along the transition from Act 1 to Act 2. I would be lost if I were watching the play without having read the text. I don't know about you, but when I go for plays, I don't really see all that use of dramatic devices that Literature teaches us about because most of the time I'm struggling to catch what the people on stage are saying. Oh. So you're saying you don't have that problem? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!!! Okay so I bet now you think you're superior just because you can catch what the people on stage (are they called players I wonder) are saying and I can't, and that gives you much more time to think about the dramatic devices being employed? Okay like whatever. Go eat some shit or something.


Act 1 Scene 2
So this is what happens when Vanessa is having a bad day. She apologises for her rude and increasingly unbecoming behaviour.


Act 1 Scene 3
In Pioneer Junior College three friends are shocked and disgusted when they hear that their friend had quit guitar class. Immediately they send smses demanding to know the reason. *Music plays. "And I just want you to know... I've found a reason for me... To change who I used to be... A reason to start over new.."* And the friend, starts feeling the most intense sadness, sadness so intense that it stabbed. And heartache.


Act 2 Scene 1
So I quit guitar class today. And for a very good reason. I'd thought about it. And I don't like facing up to it. I love guitar classes. After I told Adnan, I started feeling the most intense sadness, sadness so intense that it stabbed. And heartache. But it would be all over with a good night's sleep. And so I slept.


Act 2 Scene 2
I couldn't manage my time. It all voices down to this simple, disgusting flaw of mine - the inability to manage time. In fact it's more than just that. It's the inability to manage my life. I recognise that. I recognise all of that. All of that. And because of this I predict that my life will be screwed up. I have no pride. I see myself being divorced and living in a mangy apartment for the second half of my life. There's no light. It's too dark.


Finale
I need somebody to give me a hard push.

Of Sorts

April Showers.

Bessies's huge on puffs and cakes manufactured from the durian fruit. She's been buying puffs for a consecutive three days. And those in the refrigerator haven't been eaten yet. I wonder what is wrong with her. I open the fridge with trepidation that the stench of durian might come rushing out at me, and it does. I have nothing against durians, I just think that too much of something is no good.

Phillip and I were watching the brainless taiwanese variety programme Guess Guess Guess. There was a segment where the contestants had to pose for the camera close-up shot. Most of the contestants were showing the 'V' sign when Phillip suddenly brought his hand to his face, pointed the middle finger and went "Why don't people pose like that?" and started bursting out in loud laughter. It was pretty funny the way he did it.

aa-04-2006

I had a thought about packaging. Packaging is important. In fact it is everything. I hate the slimming centres advertisements in newspapers. I dunno. Some of them occur to me as being rather crude and unclassy. eeyuck. I shall skip pages with advertorials in future.

I think Chelsea players have interesting names. Phillip was making fun of them. It's almost always a constant joke between Joe and Carolyn and Phillip and I. We love going "Drogba, Lampard and Makalele" and being stupid about these names. It's pretty funny.

bb-04-2006

The pretty and naturally pink rose is sunbathing on my window grille. Biwen says that no colouring was added to the petals! So it's naturally pink! Thanks to Biwen and Jan and Eve! You brighten up my life and so does the pretty, naturally pink rose that sunbathes on my window grille next to the sexy red one that kimmies gave!

cc-04-2006

I look out of the window and the first thing I spot is a double star. I start squinting in amazement. Is this the same kind of phenomenon that has been causing me to imagine all those shooting stars the past few days I wonder. No the shooting stars were fake, and this is real I decide. I like looking out of the window.

dd-04-2006

Today, as usual when I go out with Yanni, I am careful not to mention Phillip in front of her. When I call him I don't acknowledge him, I just go straight into what I want to say. When I talk about the people at home I try to mention Bessie instead of Phillip. It hurts when you've lost your father. Although it's been two years, I know that you are still missing him and loving him. When you say that you want a new handphone, I ask you to trade it in, and you say "no, my father bought this for me." I almost cried.

I was there at the funeral. I saw how fragile you were. I saw how little you ate, and I saw nothing but pain. I'm so sorry, I really am. I wouldn't want to lose Phillip, I know that would suck alot. Alot. I admire your courage. I love you. I love you. I love you.

ee-04-2006

I am plagued by the curse of the number 14. At least for Literature. :(

ff-04-2006

Today I fell in love with the back view of somebody who had the same scent as Adnan. Whoa I'm not saying that I like Adnan so chill. I just think he smells nice.

gg-04-2006

Today I think to myself that when Carolyn gets married she will be the prettiest bride alive. And little voices in my head starts going "yes she will" in a wild chorus. I hope to be able to buy a digicam by then and capture her beauty in picture.

hh-04-2006

I'm in a general state of disarray. But then again I'm always in general states of disarray so nothing new there.

ii-04-2006

Today Phillip and I raced down the flight of steps in front of the long flight of steps leading to Marina Square in a mini competition. We were jumping the steps three at a time and Phillip was wearing a shirt and long trousers and nice shoes and he was jumping and jumping. At times like these I feel like he's the best father anybody can ever have.

I think Bessie's overeating I worry for her because she is not young anymore and should be watching her diet. I try to restrict what she consumes, but it is difficult. But she's the best mother anybody can ever have.

The above took place in the month of April and I cannot remember the exact dates, thus the letters to represent some kind of chronology. I have finally scrubbed down. My skin is pink now!

Injections - Withdrawals Part III

Lately I have taken to updating this blog in school. I am in computer laboratory four right about now and I feel very paranoid that somebody might just walk up on me from behind and start reading what I am typing this very moment. This paranoia that I have comes from the very fact that there are certain people around (like an unidentified classmate of mine who reads people's emails over their shoulders in the school library, and on both occasions the victims being indian scholars *DISCLAIMER* this is not a racist remark, it is just a coincidence that I have noted) who like to read off people's computers over their shoulders. And it really doesn't help that there is a room directly behind me with glass windows in which the laboratory technicians can look out of and have the clearest view of my computer monitor. But currently there are no laboratory technicians around, but I am still updating this blog in paranoia. I look around the laboratory and to my horror, I spot TWO CLOSE CIRCUIT TELEVISIONS!!! What if they capture images of my computer moniter?! Then whoever is keeping watch on the television feeds on the other side can READ OFF MY MONITOR!! AAAAAH! (At this point I stare suspiciously at the CCTVs to see if I can detect any movement, but all is silent except for the tapping of my fingers on the keyboard.) Have I mentioned that I love the keyboard in computer laboratory four? The keys are so darn springy and make noise when you press down on them! =)

And so we left off with Rachel in the previous entry. My my, it feels like it's been ages since I have last updated but the blog says it has only been thirteen days. (Oooh. Eerie, like thirteen.) But then again thirteen days is almost two weeks, and I cannot believe that I haven't been online for almost two weeks. *Eyes widen in horror* (At this point a lady walks in and I am feeling extreme paranoia. But she seems to have disappeared and I can bet you she's hiding in a corner and peeping at my computer screen. Immediately after I have finished typing the previous sentence she appears out of nowhere again and walks out of the laboratory. SEE I TOLD YOU SHE WAS READING OFF MY SCREEN!) Let's now get back to Lilian and Johan.

Lianster; "HEYO WEYO WASSUP MAN." haha. I would like to go up to you one morning and say that coupled with the action of hitting my left fist on my chest twice and then showing the "RESPECT" sign with my left hand. Heh heh. I know you won't be reading this so the rest don't tell her anything okay? Okay, you are like the only person I know who can manage time so well la! Like in between having some "high-up-there" position in the exco of SAJC Band and the heavy workload we get at school, you still find time to study and to go shopping and stuff. Oh wait I forgot that most of your shopping is done online. haha. You're cool I swear. =) And I really really really think you have what it takes to be a successful person. Oh and I can so predict your A level results la! They will be like damn good results.. whoohoo! As a band member you're totally dedicated and I think it's cool. Like although band stuff always give you headaches, you still press on because you're responsible! YAY! Hang in there okay cause Band concert will be wonderful and I can't wait to see you perform!! Jiayou!
Like, get what I mean? HAHA.

Johan; Hello johan, you are the most humorous chinese-malay (or are you malay-chinese) I have ever known! But then again I think you're the only chinese-malay I know. But even if I do know other malay-chinese people I am sure they wouldn't be half as humorous as you. I love the word "humorous" because I think it is a humorous word. It totally brings out the meaning. And I have never seen you play hockey before, and I would like to do so. Hockey season coming up right, you must train hard okay vice captain! haha. OH, and you're the most patient thing around according to a certain Mr Abdal, and that simply reminds me of Patient Griselda. I don't know why but I keep thinking of English Literature. Maybe it has got to do with the fact that you do not take Literature. But what's the link I wonder. And then I think I'm such a pointless person. Oh have I mentioned that I think your crop of hair suits you?
All the best for Hockey! =)

Right. It's now time for me to go for my Pornographic Society meeting, but I still have so so so much to say. But duty calls so, I guess it'll be some other time then!

For the observant people, yes, this entry is deliberately titled "Injections - Withdrawals Part III", which is different from the previous "Withdrawals - Injections Part I and Part II". Okay this is so random but I'm feeling so random now. =)

Withdrawals - Injections Part II

Welcme back for "Withdrawals - Injections Part II" So we left off with Cam and her stoic faith in practically everything the last time. And I am so shocked that she actually read it. Well. I guess this is the kind of twist in life that we all have to experience one time or another.

I have a bad feeling that this won't turn out to be a happy entry, simply because I'm not exactly in a happy mood. Oh, and have I mentioned that I'm doing this while I'm waiting for Photographic Society duty to start at 5.15 p.m. I will be taking pictures during the Life Concert, and oh, I'm so looking forward to being the only one besides Anita and the performers on stage moving around in the Cultural Center at any one time. Ah. Now I see why Rachel isn't here with us today.

Speaking about Rachel, I think it's a good time to carry on with what I wanted to talk about. Shall we?

Rach; Oh. My heart weeps when I think about you. T_T You think I don't love you! Blasphemy! Fie! Indignance! Just because I haven't been tagging on your blog, (not like I tag on Anita's blog either) and leave you in Part II of Withdrawals - Injections just like I did Lilian and Johan (because I was too tired to continue)! Woe is me! What about the times when I message you on your mobile, only to wait in eager anticpation for a reply, and never actually receiving it?! I cry when I sleep at night because of your indifference. Boohoohoohoo. (We used to be so close..... so close.......) Remember the times we went to Sentosa?! Remember the times we went for movies?!! Remember the times we skipped lessons together?!!! WE DON'T DO THAT ANYMORE!!! But actually it's a good thing we don't skip lessons together now. :) But I just want you to know that although I do not tag on your blog, I still read it because you're still a part of my life. Oh well. BUT I THINK IT'S NOT MUTUAL!! =( And I don't think you should go for liposuction on your lips, because I accept you for who you are. Even your indifference. =( Just like how you accept me for who I am, curly hair and all. I think I'm abivalent about you. I love you okay. Even if I don't show it. Kisses.

ANITA IS SAYING THAT MY FRINGE IS UGLY!!! RAAAAAR! oh well. And she claims she's so gonna hate me.

Okay at this point in time I have run out of time. Ooh. Repetition. Gets the point across doesn't it. Come back for "Injections - Withdrawals Part III"

See Rachel! I left Lilian and Johan to the next entry!

Disclaimer: The order of the people mentioned have no significance whatsoever. Because you all are equally important. <3

Injections - Withdrawals.

Today the three universities-- NTU, NUS and SMU, came to Saint Andrew's Junior College to promote themselves. And the little worm of doubt crawled about in my head screaming "WHAT IF YOU CANNOT MAKE IT TO UNIVERSITY WITH YOUR LOUSY GRADES?!!" But it must have gotten squashed by my huge brain when I fell asleep because when I woke up it was all quiet up there.

Today I slapped my classmates with a "I Don't Wanna Go For Econs Tutorial" tantrum after assembly because, ah well, simply because I Didn't Wanna Go For Econs Tutorial and a huge part being that I did only the first question of the case study (only to find that it was wrong later on). So you see, this is somebody who openly announces that she doesn't want to go for class. It seems to be the only thing on my mind that I feel comfortable and totally at ease voicing out. Oh well.

My speakers are making random ticking noises I think there might be two crabs living in there. Oh well. So much for trying to find a reason for everything.

To dear Kimmies; I feel really upset for you that you couldn't get what you wanted. Life thinks it can treat us like we're dirt and come along some time or another and take away stuff that are dear to us but it is wrong! You will fight back by getting excellent results for Block Test 2 and Prelims and finally for the A Levels and SAJC is so going to regret taking that chance away from you. I have never seen another person more passionate about math seriously and I think if it's anybody who deserves that S paper it's YOU. But more than that I really admire your courage in facing it because if it was me in your shoes I would have remained so so so gloomy for the entire day that all you'd see of Vanessa is a dark cloud storming around and picking on every single thing that stands in her way. But you didn't, and in fact you cheered up really really quickly. You made the effort to be happy and I think that required alot of the stuff that makes up a strong character. You are the best in math. We all know that. I LOVE YOU FOREVER! :)

To George; Having the gut feeling that you'd do badly for one history examination doesn't make you someone who cannot do history. Well I mean, it doesn't mean that if I buy two gigantic shirts by mistake I'm so going to continue buying gigantic shirts all my life does it? We all know that your history is the tops. And that is undeniable. (*Voiceover with VIKI* My logic is undeniable) Being down once doesn't mean you simply continue being down the rest of your life. What matters is you pick yourself up and move on and I am absolutely sure that you will do just that. Go go historiconomist go! :)

To Anita; Hahaha idiot. Don't get jealous just because I want to sit beside Kim in lectures. No la no la. I shall not be mean to you in my blog because it doesn't give you a chance to defend yourself and tags are basically pretty useless because there's only so much you can type. Don't be disheartened for math dear, because you always have economics to back you up! And although sometimes in the morning my mood may seem very down, (okay okay what sometimes, most of the time I mean) don't take it personally okay because I'm just pissed that I have to be at the track for morning assembly in the sweltering heat and listen to people like Canon Joshua (now that sounds like a certain brand of camera) talk about how we are ONE TEAM SAJC, and rattle off tales about his past, and reveal his age in the most subtle manner, and claim that he isn't old, and then reiterate that we are ONE TEAM SAJC, and tell more stories.. okay you get the point. I don't particularly like morning assembly you see. But leave me for a while and I'll be okay after that! And then you always wait for my bus to come before you get on to yours! Haha that's so nice of you! But then hor, it makes me feel bad one okay, so I suggest next time we alternate la! :) Hahah. And although I dumped you in the past right, I still have a leeeeeettle beeeeeet of feelings for you la, (kim you are still the one for me! ;D) so if you want we can secretly get back together behind kim's back? What say you my love? :)

To Weiwei; HAHA the super crappy one. Today in class make all the disgusting WET FARTING noises ah! Then still laugh laugh laugh ah, having so much fun right! haha that's the thing about you though, always laughing. Ahha. And then today you had a headache because of GP right? I tell you ah, don't stress too much okay. After that it got much better because it turned out to be interesting! You are one hardworking girl and everybody can see that! So you must persevere and your efforts confirm will pay off one okay! Confirm one. Canoeing is your passion and I firmly believe that nobody can and should deprive you of that. Not even your parents, tell you what la, if they make you quit canoeing right, you just beg and beg and beg and beg them to let you continue until BT2 ah, and then you SHOW THEM that you can DO IT! YES! YOU CAN! And then until BT2 over already right, it will be canoeing season already ma, so it all works out perfectly. Yay! Brilliance I say. Muacks to you darls. :)

To Cam; Must put all the superhardworking ones together. Your history not bad one right? See that's where hardwork get you. You should rub some hardworkingness on to me. Ah. Mentoring Chairman! The one who does all her tutorials and assignments. It scares me sometimes. And the one who likes to make WEIRD NOISES during lessons. Haha. I think you're in love with Jesus. It's a good thing really, that you have stoic faith in religion. Well, in fact you have stoic faith in everything. Just like how you think everybody can do math. No, that is WRONG, do not ever think that way. And do not ever dissuade me in dropring math. Oh. I just realised that you won't even be reading this. Ah well.

At this point I'm getting sleepy. So I think I'll stop here for today. Be sure to come back for "Injections - Withdrawals Part II"!

Oh and I am so excited about guitar lesson next tuesday because I have decided that my guitar teacher's super hot. *sizzle zizzle* And he HELD MY HAND!!! haha to show me how to hold a pick. Actually I think it's just because he wanted to hold my hand. =D sigh.
He's hot. I melt.

This is a happy entry that is dedicated to kimmies cause she says that I need to inject some happiness into this blog! And oh I just watch the two hour special episode of Lost II and it was so exciting I think I left my heart somewhere in the jungle island. Good night for now! :)

Sobani Ite

Sobani ite means to walk on. And to walk on means to oh well, go forward. Any song that uses that phrase always tugs at my heartstrings because it is something I know I cannot do, and need to learn how to. It doesn't sound all that difficult to move forward, but somehow I think the burden's too heavy. Yes I do need to learn how to let go of stuff.

Over the past week I've been thinking a lot about stuff. By rights this blog should have been updated many many times but I have decided to consolidate all those random thoughts in just one entry. *Joy joy* What delight to find that I am applying comprehension skills in daily life.

I should stop treating my friends like punching bags. Whenever I'm feeling down in school it seems like I get so self-absorbed that I start to treat the people around me like they're non-existent or something. I get all attitudal and I don't think I wanna be around me when I'm having a rough patch. All my friends are super nice people and I don't think they deserve to be treated the way they are just because I'm having a bad time.
I need anger management classes.

If life was a taste my tastebuds wouldn't be able to detect it. How many of you have lost the taste for life? I'm not sure about you, but I think nowadays life for me has been very purpose driven-- I'm trying to find a purpose in life. What an irony. My life currently is akin to my Friendster account; pointless. Why live life when there's no point in it? I have taken to reading multiple books at once. Maybe it's the stigma of the block tests, having not read excessively and sufficiently in preparation, my mind sees the need to make up for the lack of mental exercise that usually comes before the body sits for an examination. Like I said, I have taken to reading multiple books and although it seems highly likely that the plots get all mixed up, they don't.

And it's a good feeling to read.

And on to the one that perpetually plagues me. Close friends of Vanessa will know who she's talking about. Let's just call him R. Now I believe there isn't a need for any introduction to this mystery person who has been dominating my thoughts for the past nine days (or the past month, to be specific). I hate to admit this but I have been thinking excessively about him. R is important to me, but not to the extent that other friends get slighted. It's just that we haven't been talking much of late and I just wonder if it was something I did wrong. Or maybe he's just too tired out from work. But anyway it doesn't really matter that much now because it took a very much shorter time to get over him this time compared to the last. I take it that it's a good sign. Heck, it sure is tiring being his friend. Our shared friendship tells me that he's a dynamic individual. And maybe the relationship has stagnated. Just the other day dongua was telling me that it was nice that R had started out as a total stranger and now become a friend who shares stuff. Or in her words, "... and he was the boy at the RJ campfire who was standing at the balcony staring up at the sky and you were the girl who was standing below staring at him." Well, correction here, I wasn't standing below the balcony, it was datou who saw him and called me dear dongua. Dang, I'd missed seeing him in his possibly most suave moment. Ah well. I guess what's behind must be left behind.

And maybe I've had enough.

God's Debris by Scott Adams proposed that hypothetically, the past isn't real because it does not have a physical form and it isn't something that can be considered to be physical reality. "Like the Easter Bunny, the past only exists in your mind, likewise, the future exists only in your mind because it has not happened." I think we all need to empty our minds periodically. But how is it possible to get rid of something that is unreal. Just like how time isn't real because there isn't a way to prove that time exists. We all think that time has passed because there are changes and if time is defined as essentially being the changes that has happened universally then I'd say that time is generally a very relative concept isn't it. What is time really? Why are there dog-years and human-years? Is time a totally different concept for dogs? Oh well. Burning questions that sear my curiosity and possibly impend my learning in school because they make the school syllabus look all the more duller now. Shit to education I say.

So you say the past isn't real.

Today I had pasta for dinner and it had a piece of round piece egg white on top that I thought was cheese. I guess this teaches us that you never know what is in store until you take a closer look and chew on it that you get the clearest picture. Okay this is so pointless, like my life.

I finally own a guitar. It's red and it's pretty. I shall call it cherrystone or something.

I feel so liberated. Hear me whoop for joy.

Hi It Is Me

Donny wonders if the glass chess pieces on the glass chess board would eventually shatter.
Glass breaks under pressure, and broken glass injure. Injuries heal, but Donny's mouth might be stitched up and the stitches might never come undone. Might. Mental strength is big might. And that is what Donny lacks.
The dam does not seem to be able to hold out for long.
What about the dam Donny wonders. Donny will push the water back, but Donny is only human, and a resurrected one at that. Donny can swim in waters, Donny can also drink water, but Donny cannot overcome water. Sadly. Water is good for health, althought it can go down wrong ways excessively.
The newspaper is lying on the floor, spread across.




Donny's heart goes out to You, who is reading this. Dear You, as long as you have friends, all is fine. Donny will be your friend if you don't. But Donny might be cautious.




Donny wants to pick them up, but the wind keeps blowing them about.
Maybe they are there for a reason, maybe the wind blows for a reason.



Chaos Theory goes vaguely like this. The occurence of disasters, even small, every-day ones, happen in a pattern that can be calculated using arithmatic. And that when your toast falls on the buttered side, it is just following the pattern. Or something like that. I read about it like a long way back and it's kinda messed up.


"Goooooooooodbyeeee myyyyy love"


Maybe Donny should quit talking to aliens.

Monkeynesian.

Now let's take a minute to think about what we are doing to this world. The primary school science syllabus taught me that global warming is bad. It causes a general increase in temperatures around the world and this is turn causes the ice caps to melt and to flood any low lying areas in the world, causing people to die. The secondary school syllabus taught me that global warming is essentially the greenhouse effect in magnified intensity, and that the greenhouse effect is actually good because it keeps the earth from freezing up and becoming as cold as it is out there in the universe. It also taught me that global warming is a result of what Man is doing under the watchful eyes of Mother Nature on her territory itself. The audacity of it. We release carbon dioxide like nobody's business and it combines with other gases in the atmosphere to form a *KEYWORD! KEYWORD* blanket of gases that surrounds the earth and reflects heat back to the surface of earth. Because of Man's actions, this blanket has become so thick that more and more heat is being reflected back at earth. And this saddens me so. The junior college school syllabus teaches me nuts because I do not take Geography/Science. But then, Time magazine (WHERE IS MY TIME MAGAZINE I SAY!) teaches me that due to global warming, more and more frogs are dying off because their permeable skin that allows them to detect slight changes in temperature. The increase in temperature means that their body gets hotter and I think it screws up their entire system. (I SAID I NEED MY TIME MAGAZINE!) Well, my facts aren't very that accurate because I cannot seem to find that particular issue, but it is sufficient to know that GLOBAL WARMING KILLS OFF FROGS.
And I have taken a liking to frogs due to the cute pictures printed in the Time magazine along with the article. Therefore, to protect the frogs on planet Earth, I shall become a strong advocator of the "STOP GLOBAL WARMING BECAUSE IT KILLS OFF FROGS" (SGWBIKOF) movement and will attempt to stop the next person sitting beside me in the MRT from breathing out in long breaths because that increases the carbon dioxide count in the air.

Like a week before I was sitting at the bus stop waiting for my bus to come when I saw this girl in the bus caressing the EZ-link card reader. It struck me as odd, uncanny in fact, to have such an unusual fetish. Maybe she was trying to induce an electric shock that would in turn put her in a state of heightened senses and okay nevermind I don't see where this is going. heh heh heh.

Today I took an afternoon nap and I had a Wonderful dream. I would have to say that it was the most fabulous dream I have ever ever had. I dreamt of an ice cream making machine that could make ice cream of ANY AND EVERY FLAVOUR!! Like it had six compartments for you to make six flavours at one time! I had M&Ms, chocolate flakes and what else I forgot. But it was so cool(haha pun intended but okay okay *throws hands up in the air*) and yummy and all. The machine even produced this 3D sculpture made of a really really thin chocholate sheet and it had the most wonderfantabudelicioustic taste EVER! wow! I could taste it in my dream! THE BESTEST DREAM EVER. And can you believe it I actually woke up with my mouth full of saliva I got the shock of my life. Like I have never woken up with a mouthful of saliva before and this was one powerful dream. And evidently (luckily) I sleep with my mouth closed if not imagine where all that saliva would have gone to, definitely not on the floor, that would have been easy to clean. But it was a good dream and I was happy for a moment as I went to spit out all the saliva and went back to sleep.

Come to think of it I vaguely remember a part about Mister JayQ. But ah well whatever. :D

The IQ test website is still sending me mail addressed to Eshik. I have unsuscribed myself from their mailing list.
I AM NOT ESHIK GODDAMN IT.
Everybody out there have a good day! :)

Of Running and Riding.

Maybe one day you will wake up to find that life has been a joke all this while, and that what you have had firm belief in had just crumbled away like the beaches under the impact of a Tsunami. All of a sudden the only thing left is nothingness, and yet at the same time the nightmares are still there. They are only beginning to come true.
The workload that you have is tearing away at your life bit by bit, little by little. Your clothes don't feel like they've been washed clean, starched and ironed. Everything is weighing you down, but you have to make an effort to move on. To fucking get on with life.
No no, I'm not angry. I'm just pissed that I'm living in Singapore. I should be smoking pot and doing time instead of studying. Maybe I'll just smoke, doing time doesn't sound so pleasant. No wait, I'm not even studying that much now. I guess I'm just wasting time. And when one has too much time one tends to update one's blog. But actually I do not have too much time, I just don't really care what happens when I do not use my time wisely. I should be studying for my history test really. But like Jas puts it, heart is willing but body is not. Nah actually my heart isn't that willing either.
Last thursday 9P was supposed to meet up. And I got really upset that stuff happened. And it made me rethink what 9P meant to me. Yes I guess it is correct when you say that there is nothing I can do about it because I cannot force people to go out with me. Maybe all I can do is to buy a hundred bucks worth of bread/cake and throw at them like Raymond says. But then again I do not have a hundred bucks to spend on bread so I guess I'll just have to leave them alone for a while.
I think maybe it's a cool thing to turn eighteen. And then again I think maybe it's not. I don't know my stand on turning eighteen, but whatever, it's not like I can stop it from happening whether I think about it or not. Gee, this age issue is really getting to me, and I'm only seventeen years old.
Well as they put it, we only miss what we have lost when we have lost it. I think I am missing my secondary school days.
All the sand from the beach is sinking to the bottom of the sea. Maybe one day it will all accumulate to form a tiny island. No doubt it will take a long time, but the island formed will withstand all winds, waves and tsunamis. Well at least hopefully. But for now we're sinking sinking sinking sinking sinking.



P.S. An IQ test that I took sent me an email addressed to Eshik. I think it thinks that my name is Eshik. Maybe I should take on the name.

Eternal Noob Updates

She woke up in darkness. Fumbled around for her handphone. No new messages. That was fine with her.
She got up in darkness one more time. Fumbled around for her handphone. No new messages. That was still fine with her.
She decided it was time to wake up. The time was three thirty a.m. She got out of bed and switched off the air conditioner. It was time to brush her teeth and to wash her face and to go online. The song was on repeat in her discman, spinning spinning spinning and spinning. Life was starting to get really turbulent.

Friday was a quiet day. In the morning there were thick dark clouds in the sky. Ants were scurrying around doing their own business and being stepped on without even seeing it coming. It was going to rain. In the forest the aardvarks and the centipedes crawled around trying to find shelter from the impending rain. No chance of sun.
Earthworms and pancakes are made of the same thing.
Matter.
What matters most is that she was happy.
But I don't think she was a happy person. No.

Four a.m. She was online. And so was he. But that didn't matter. It didn't make a difference. She was feeling very anti-social then, even more so now. She was tired. Sleepy. Exhausted. She might be coming down with a flu. Or she might be coming down with her period. But whatever. As long as she was happy.
But I don't think she was a happy person. No.
Maybe it was the song that was on repeat in her discman. It was a sad song. A Sad Song for a Sad Her.

How can she ever be happy when there's someone around. No, it's getting harder for her to be happy. Shit. Eighteen years of age should never be the case. It should never happen. Birthdays aren't meant to be celebrated. Friends should always reply messages. And the whole of mankind should never fall in love. There should be no school so that she can play around all day long and live life the way it should be led.
School is a conspiracy between the King of Suffering and the Queen of Sadism. I bet love is too.
She thinks the world is flawed.
Man is flawed.
But yet time is flawless.
Unless you consider the fact that it makes people forget.
But then again that would be a human flaw wouldn't it.
No, I don't think she was a happy person. No.

Eternal Noob of the Eternal World

Donny discovers a disturbing trend. The frequency of Donny's entries fall into a rhythm that closely follows Donny's mood cycles. If Donny's happy, Donny updates. If Donny's unhappy, Donny updates. If Donny's feeling like crap, all the more Donny updates. What a simple person in this simple world. Wait, what a joke-- simple world. Donny thinks that a simple world is a fallacy. Who in the right mind would say that this is a simple world? Okay Donny just did, but then again Donny's mind is kinda dysfunctional and screwed so that does not count as someone who's in the right mind.

The reason behind my entire dysfunctionality is simple, but yet at the same time incomprehensible, exhausting, consuming and plainly irritating. I am irritated by the fact that the emotional value attatched to the root cause, having been something rather insignificant and inconsequential, has morphed into something that is rather overwhelming and choking. Yes, there is nothing more appropriate than 'choking'. I can't even breathe without thinking of it. It's like a brainworm, putting itself on eternal repeat until my entire mind can hardly withstand the continuity of such a fundamental problem that it breaks down in disarray and my life goes into the pittest of all doldrums.
I have just laid down the foundation for my drowning.

Remnants of the Week

Friday -
To-day was a not-so-good day, only saving grace being the outing with Eve, Jan and Sam, and maybe the time spent in class with friends and people, and maybe Moral Education period too. Okay so that's basically the entire day isn't it. But no, the enitre day consists of more than just school and after-school hours.
This morning I awoke late because I had forgotten to set my alarm the night before and Phillip had to come in to wake me up at six o'clock, which was half an hour later than the time I have to awake in order to reach school on time. I couldn't dally around like I always do in the morning.
Naturally I reached Clementi MRT Station late, and missed the earlier train, and arrived at Outram MRT Station late, and missed the earlier train, and arrived at Potong Pasir MRT Station (I always wonder what Potong Pasir mean because if Potong Ice Cream means Red Bean Ice Cream does Potong Pasir mean something like Red Bean something and is there a relation between Potong Pasir and Pasir Ris?) late, and had to run across the bridge to school.
Reaching school I waited at the Fitness Corner for the Vice Principal No.1 to finish her talk about going marketing with your mothers because the Chinese New Year is coming and helping out at home for the same reason. After we were dismissed Sharlene accosted me in slippers and put her arm around me and I kinda got a shock. The immediate two questions that came to my mind were "1. Why is she in slippers? And 2. Why is her arm around me?" And she said she had stepped on a nail during Canoeing training and that immediately answers both questions due to accute inference. She then proceeded to try and hobble towards the track to find Mr. Tan Chai Kwang and I got quite alarmed by that and said "Don't you have Econs Lecture now?" and she said "Yes, but I need to report to my CT," and I said "It's okay one la just tell him later," and she said "Ya you have a point." And I'm like of course I have a point because I do not want to walk towards a large crowd of sudents walking towards me trying to find a man to prove her existence in school that morning. Luckily I saw them classmates walking towards me and I felt relief wash over me. I said bye I have to go for Econs now and I think she did not hear me but by now her arm was over somebody else so I guessed it was safe for me to go.
Moral Education period was fun. Jonny made us do a positive exercise by writing down a positive quality about every single classmate and that was fun. It felt like a scene taken out of the "Chicken Soup For The Soul" series and it worked wonders and I was in a pretty good mood after that until it was General Paper Lesson and my mood basically fell to levels I didn't know existed until we did group work and laughed a lot and it was quite fun afterall minus the part where we felt neglected by the tutor. But I guess overall I enjoyed it because of the wonderful people in my group save for the absence of a certain Rachel.
In Literature Lecture Anita was crazy so it wasn't that bad. After school I walked with Anita, Eeli and Samantha to the bus stop and we parted there because I was going to Woodlands to meet Eve, Jan and Sam. I hated the bus ride because the bus was hot and stuffy even though it was supposed to be air-conditioned and I don't think the bus was conditioned to the right temperature and I had to open the window in order to continue my survival and not end up at the terminal dead.
I reached Causeway Point at four p.m. and saw them three and we proceeded to the Cathay ticketing booth to buy tickets for Memoirs of a Geisha. (Warning: Spoiler Alert! Skip this paragraph if you are intending to watch this movie.) The movie was rather decent and we all thought it was quite quite wrong that Chiyo had fallen in love with the Chairman at the tender young age at ten and that the Chairman had too fallen in love with a young Chiyo at the ripe old age of maybe what, forty plus? (That totally screams PAEDOPHILE!!!!!) And so too was it quite quite wrong that Chiyo had blue eyes. (How is it even remotely possible that an Asian has blue eyes and I thought it looked quite weird on her.) And so too was it wrong that none of the three leading actresses were actually Japanese and that Zhang Ziyi didn't make such a good geisha. And there wasn't good sex in the movie. Ah well. But I still enjoyed it for mysterious factors that I cannot pinpoint.
After that I heeded Vice Principal No.1 and went to meet Bessie at IMM (will IMM be an eternal mystery that I cannot solve?) to buy New Year stuff. I had a horrid time. Bessie was trying to choose flowers and by the time she had finished I found my feet had rooted to the ground and I had started to crave for sunlight and chlorophyll and water and carbon dioxide and I had basically mutated into a tree. No actually my feet weren't rooted to the ground because I had to follow her around and around and around and around the shop to offer my non-committal opinions on the bunch of flowers in her hand that looked the same to me throughout. Bleah. Shopping with Bessie is not an enjoyable thing because she takes such a long time to decide. Afterwards I was in such a black mood that I wanted to slash everything and anything in front of me with my light-sabre and simply to pulverize the entire building and everything and anything in it along together but I didn't because I don't own a light-sabre but I'm not saying that I wouldn't have done so if I had one. I ended up feeling like I hated Chinese New Year thoughroughly. (<--Is this spelt wrongly because it looks wrong to me. If you had told me that it was spelt wrongly when I was in the mood aforementioned I would have ripped you to pieces, but I'm feeling quite alright now.) RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR!

Did I mention that it wasn't any better that I did not see Mister JayQ in school today? And the fact that Rachel was missing? :(
I hate it when I just do recounts but ah well.

I shall be off to play Gunbound now. Har Har. Yes it is that game you played like two and a half years ago. But I like playing it. Goodbye.

I Feel It.

January's rain has been showering on Donny. Donny used to think that rain was wonderful, but after getting drenched by it thrice just within half a month, it didn't seem that wonderful after all. Donny feels like rain clouds are venting their anger on Donny. For whatever reason Donny does not know, but it certainly is unpleasant. Donny likes drizzly rain, but definitely not the kind of rain where the raindrops are large enough to fill a nostril. Maybe Donny should just bring an umbrella out the next time and not look up at the sky when it is raining.

Monday -
To-day in school I had to skip tea with Mr Lim Chong Shen to help take photographs of the J1s' scholars' tea. On the way to the Photographic Society Room with Rachel, a sharp pain appeared out of nowhere and shot up my left arm and that gave me the impression that my arm was broken. I clutched on to it with my right hand and said to Rachel "I think my left arm just broke." But it turned out that it wasn't broken because I was able to hold the camera up to my face and if my arm had been broken I would not have been able to achieve that. Initially I was given a Digital SLR, (read: cool) but the space left in the memory card only allowed me to take two pictures and that was not enough and I had to exchange camera with Rachel. :( At the actual tea I walked around trying to get good shots, which were very rare because they were all standing around in circles and I couldn't get a shot without anybody's heads from the back unless I got reeeeeeal close to them to snap and I think that would have freaked them out totally. Wouldn't you be freaked out totally if someone snuck up on you with a camera and starts shooting over your shoulder? I would and I think them scholars would too, which is why I did not do it.


Tuesday - HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAY CHOU!!!!
To-day I forgot to bring my mobile phone out of the house, which is too bad really.
I kept falling asleep in class. It must have been due to the fact that I had slept late last night. I forgot to bring my Southeast Asian History Lecture Notes and I almost fell asleep in the lecture itself, which would have been terrifying because the lecturer is a self-professed Sarcastic Person, but she is funny and I like her. I say this because something will happen to-morrow that will change my impression of her.
I was supposed to have a Photographic Society (PS) Meeting and I was complaining about it in class when George suddenly turned to me and said "Van your Pornographic Society (PS) Meeting today start at what time?" and the entire group burst out laughing and it was a good joke.
I waited for Anita to complete her General Paper Handout Meeting and went home with her. On the way home she told me a lot of stuff and I feel happy that she trusted in me. :)
There was alot of homework waiting to be done when I got home but GP research took up so much time and I fell asleep at the table trying to do my Southeast Asian History Tutorial that I didn't get around doing much in the end.

Wednesday -
It was horrible to-day I was so sleepy. It seems like I have been feeling sleepy every single day since the start of J2 year. I spend all my free time trying to complete the Southeast Asian History Tutorial that I didn't do last night. I fell asleep again in Economics Lecture and I felt quite bad. :(
Southeast Asian History Tutorial was the last lesson of the day and I went to class feeling all tensed up like I always do because the tutor is a self-professed Sarcastic Person. But the tutorial turned out to be really fun because she made really funny jokes and I laughed alot and I concluded that she wasn't that bad after all. :)
It was orientation for the J1 photographers and I actually had a great time playing Whacko and Double Whacko and sorts. The number of people who turned up was not so bad and it was cool really.
After CCA I went home with Eeli and Karen. I felt happy because I felt that the friendship that I share with Eeli is improving and that is great! :) Karen is fun to talk to and I had a good time on the bus talking to the both of them even though I was tired.
Jan and Sam and Eve were supposed to come today but I didn't go meet them in the end. :( But it is okay I will meet them soon enough although I think Jan is plotting my death and it is best to stay away from anyone who is plotting your death.

Thursday -
and this is today! Today during Chapel they made us do a survey about God. Here are the questions as follows:
1. What are the TWO things that you want to achieve in SAJC?
-Good Academic Results
-and I forgot what.
2. What is the most important thing to you?
-Friends
3. Do you think it's important to find a purpose in life?
-Yes
4. What is God to you? (and there were answers like "a close friend" and "a fatherly figure" or sorts)
-I don't believe in him
5. What is your perception of Jesus Christ? (answers included "historical figure" and "myth/legend")
-Saviour
Rachel tried to mess up the survey results by indicating the option "others" and putting down stuff like popularity and weight for Qn1, hair for Qn2, and pretty much the same as me for the rest. Kim and George both either do not know how to count or did not read the instructions and I highly doubt the former so it must be that they do not know how to read. Ha ha. Nah they just didn't read instructions and indicated more options than required.


Today Rachel was pretty upset and I do not know what happened to her and I do hope that it does not happen ever again because it was worrying when she cried. :(

I had a good time in Economics Tutorial because Mr Lee Ting Jian is such a funny man and he can teach really well and I basically laughed alot again. I like laughing a lot during last lessons because it just makes me happy for the rest of the day provided nothing unpleasant happens.
I studied a little after school with some classmates and it was fun too. Went home with Anita and Eeli and I was a happy person on the bus until they left me alone to my morbid thoughts. But basically I had a great day in school today except for during Literature Tutorial when Mr John Smith blew his top at us for being late for his Tutorial and the part where Rachel got upset and Teck Yen messaged to say that he had pushed himself too hard and was in the sick bay on IV drip. :( He has a fever now but he will be able to book out tomorrow and that is good because he deserves a good rest.
Overall it was quite a good day and I wish Rachel hadn't gotten upset and Teck Yen hadn't fallen sick. :(

Friday-
Yet to come, but I believe it will be a good day too because it will be a new day and there isn't anything that time cannot leave behind so we should all leave our troubles with time and let him do his job of erasing them all away. Makes it so much easier for us doesn't it.


:)

Modus Operandi, I feel like I'm doing crime.

First weeks of school have never been this tiring.

Phillip is laughing at the tellyvision in the background right and Carolyn is preparing for a wedding dinner and her radio is blasting music in the background left.

Monday - There is no school today. But I cannot help feeling very nervous and constipated because there is going to be school tomorrow. I have homework left unfinished and I am not going to even attempt to complete it. I have promised myself that I would not skip any lectures or tutorials, and homework is not a lecture or a tutorial. I am thinking of dropping a subject, either mathematics or history. I pack my bag according to instinct because I do not have the timetable. My instinct tells me that there are to be no lessons tomorrow and I only pack my pencil case, paper file, writing paper, wallet and music player in. I go to bed at one thirty a.m. and end up falling asleep at two plus plus plus a.m. I guess I am too excited about tomorrow.

Tuesday - I wake up at five thirty a.m. feeling like I have not slept a wink. But I am too excited to care and I start preparing for school. I leave the house at six thirty a.m. and reach school at seven twenty five a.m. I am feeling excited seeing all the students on the train but I put on a sleepy face and look like I do not care and that I dread going to school when actually I am rather looking forward to it. At the Outram Park station I meet Elsa and she drags me along. We see an entire group of River Valley Boys in their shorts and Elsa says that they have been posted to our school. I see Jianrong among them and I think he has become cuter. I meet Jianwei at Potong Pasir station and we walk to school together. The new school compound is pretty and I definitely like it better than the old one. But the walking distance kills especially when I am on the brink of being late and I am dead even before I reach the school gate. At the assembly ground, the councillor on the balcony sing the national anthem acapella and personally I found that rather amusing. I find out from my classmates that there is PE today and I do not have anything in my bag that I can wear for PE. After PE it is math lecture and I decide that I like what they are teaching and I will not drop math. Instead, I will drop history and work hard at math. The rest of the day was basically quite boring because Mr Yoong made us unpack library books for History Lecture and there is nothing else worth mentioning except for the fact that it felt good to see all my friends again.

Wednesday - Today I died before reaching the school gate again and they had a spot check to check our hair colour and style after the national athem and pledge. (I do not understand why they make us sing and recite the anthem and pledge when hardly anyone does it except for the student councillors.) Mr Yoong picks on me as usual in his joking manner for my tie when the subject of the spot check is actually hair colour and style but not attire. Today is a short day with only four lessons and I think our General Paper tutor is rather funny. I decide that I like him and I shall work hard at General Paper. I turned down the General Paper Differentiated Class because I do not want to go to a new class with new people and do General Paper Excercises every single day because that would be stifling. After school I meet El and we go to PJC to meet Teckyen, Zhenhui, Jan, Pris and Eve for lunch. I had fun and I will miss Teckyen when he goes into National Service. I am convinced not to drop math but history instead.

Thursday - I take bus number 154 to school today. I board the bus at 6.40 a.m. because I had missed the 6.25 a.m. bus. I see Yew Long at the bus stop and I wave to him but he does not wave back. He boards the same bus as I do and still does not wave to me. I think that he does not recognise me and I shall ignore him the next time I see him. I go to school late because the jam at the Hwachong, NJ stretch of road was so bad, I think it took the bus like half an hour to get out of that place. Disugusting, really. I meet Anita at the bus stop because she is late too and we are both late for Chapel because Chapel for J2s are conducted on Thursdays. We rush into the Cultural Center and pray while we are standing on the steps because everybody is supposed to stay still when the person on stage asks for a prayer. The rest of the day is in a frenzy because of PE. I see and hear the J1s making merry. After school I walk to the bus stop with Jianwei and it feels nice because Jianwei is such a nice person.

Friday - I go to school especially early today and I meet Camellia at Outram station and I have a good time talking to her. When we reach school she goes off for morning worship and although I am tempted to follow her I don't. Instead I wait for Rachel, Kimberly and George in the canteen. I keep thinking that there is something wrong about Rachel but the rest do not seem to think so. Okay I leave Rachel as she is after bugging her for the past few days and go about my own stuff. I get chased out of Economics tutorial with Kim and I feel really bad about that for pretty much the entire break until it is time for General Paper and I do cheer up a little. I had a Society meeting and I walk Karen to the bus stop when it ends because she does not know where it is. After that I walk back to school and wait for Jiawen because we are going to tag along with Evelyn when she goes on this almost blind date later on. I make a new friend called Jaryl today because he is with Jiawen when she meets me and the three of us ate nuts like birds and went to see the band perform for the Orientation Finale. They do not let the J2s attend it because there was a stripper last year and they are afraid that someone might do the same thing again this year. And I wonder what makes them think that the J1s themselves will not strip? We are very late for our meeting with Evelyn and we are very sorry. We have a great dinner together and we take some very very pretty neoprints together! We kind of ostracise the weird date. But he is really weird. I must say we had a great time together. After he left that is. And I realise that I haven't hung out with Jiawen for a very long time. We make a date to go and buy uniform tomorrow at the Teck Whye Yangtze Kiang. I love the name it is so catchy.

Saturday - We meet at Choa Chu Kang and Jiawen is very late. But it is okay because Evelyn and I have each other for company. We buy bubble tea and I stuff myself with pearls. I accidentally spit one out while speaking with Bessie on the phone and I burst out laughing. Bessie was annoyed and she says "I am talking to you and you are laughing?!" and I explain the situation to her. Jiawen arrives and we make our way to Yangtze Kiang. At Yangtze Kiang I see a schoolmate in the shop. He is Kenneth Sim's fellow soccer team mate and I do not know his name but we know each other and it is a long story how. I realise that I do not see him in school nowadays but he is a funny boy. After that we meet Siyun and we go to my house. We have dinner with my parents and went on to the deserted Ginza Plaza that is sustained by the income generated by the LAN shops and the Shop and Save Supermarket. Ginza Plaza is an eerie place and the four of us are there to try out LAN gaming. We play Counterstrike Source and a little bit of Warcraft III. I find out that Warcraft III is actually quite fun and I shall play it after the A Levels. I have a fun day and I watch a bit of soccer with Phillip when I get home. I learn all about the third, second and first divisions and premiership thingy from Phillip. It is fun.

I have a lot of homework to do and I want to go back to PJC for a campfire tomorrow but I heard they have changed the Principal and I think the new school rules suck. I shall go into the office and insult her tomorrow. Byebye all!