Dear world, today you taught me one lesson with two examples.
11pm at night, 9p was at the airport to see Datou off. We took lots of photos, and my favourites were the polaroid ones. Happy Friend went into the waiting lounge at 12am, and as she turned back she flashed us a most brilliant smile. She looked so much like a little kid venturing into a huge playground with unsure steps, and as we looked at her find her way to her gate, all I could think of was "dt, please be safe."I admit I was worried, still a little now, that the silly big head will be stumbling along, and that she would be a little lost in a foreign land. But I know she is resilient, like how canoe polo has trained her to be, and that she will learn along the way. The only thing that I would ask for from anybody out there and up there who can hear me, is that my Happy Friend gets all the help she needs from anybody who can help her over where she is.
She may have looked a little lost, but as she eventually walked in the right direction I knew that this was how it was meant to be. It may throw you off your feet a little in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it it'll be fine, and I know that datou will be just fine. 6 months in Sweden should be a whole lot of fun.
11am in the morning, dajie officially moved out. It's been ongoing for some time, and I knew all along that she eventually was going to move, but I just didn't expect it to be so sudden and abrupt. Her room is now a vacant space in the house and when I step in it's so empty that I can almost hear my thoughts echo off the walls. I dislike the echoes that ring in the empty room. It amplifies every single tiny sound, even the sound of quiet loneliness. From now on it's just mom, dad and me. I won't have my sis randomly popping her head into my room asking to borrow my mp3 charger anymore. Or pestering me to transfer new songs into her mp3 player. Or just watching dvds together in their room anymore.
Bukit Gombak isn't so far away, but it definitely isn't near at all considering she's been living with me for 21 years of my life. It definitely doesn't feel right when I have to sms her "see you on thursday" for the first time ever when it always used to be "see you later at home!" It's absolutely heartwrenching. But then again that's how it is right. Now that she has her own life to live, I wish her all the best, and that she'd come home often for dinners! And I'm looking forward to stay overs and dinners at her place too.
I used to imagine how my mom and her sisters were before they each got their own houses, and how they must have felt having to move apart from one another. I haven't fully accepted that she has moved out for good, but I guess I will learn to cope. I imagine my parents must feel sadder than I feel. It's like having to finally come to terms with their daughter being all grown up.
Today, the first day in school, a lecturer asked a question: "When does a child officially become an adult?"
I think I've got the answer. It's today.
It's today that I become an adult.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Come on, let's get a move on.
Today, things went wrong. At 1 pm in the afternoon I sat on the toilet bowl and didn't want to leave home. Everything was not going well. I was already dressed and ready to leave, but I couldn't. I looked at the pink blob on the toilet paper and imagined it becoming alive. It was like a piece of flesh from the inside, and it looked like it could breathe. I was looking forward to today, and I was looking forward to it going smoothly so that I could go home to do some editing before the day ended and send it to my editor, but it didn't, and it was alright.
It was drizzling when I left your house, and then I realised I had forgotten to take the heart that she wanted to give me. I know she said it in passing, but at that point it really meant alot to me. I had half the mind to text her to keep it for me, but I guess it would have been weird for her.
Everything feels a bit off nowadays. In my humble opinion, I think it's only because at the beginning you and I spent so much time together, and now that we're comfortable with each other and not spending so much time now -- only now-- do I realise that you're not the one I used to know. Over the years you have changed subtly, and we were close enough and met often enough such that I didn't realise the change in you. When you were with me you showed me a side of you that I had gotten used to over the years. What I didn't see was the time that we did not spend together. What did you do in that time then?
Today I am tired. I am tired of editing taking away my time. People think that editing is easy peasy, just like everybody else who isn't in another person's shoes. But it's not easy at all. Everybody must be thinking, how much time can editing take up? And how difficult can reading a few pages of words be? To be honest, it is the constant thought that is on my mind. I get no peace when I have unedited files due in a tight deadline. Every day without fail I wake up, switch on the computer and sit down to edit, have some lunch, watch some tv, go back to editing till it's dinner time, get distracted some, have dinner, chat on the phone with ray, go back to editing till about 3 am, sleep, wake up the next morning and repeat the routine. It's sickening at times, but I don't complain because the money is good. Sometimes when I sit and stare at the computer screen for 3 to 5 hours straight i get a neck pain that only office workers should be getting, and I don't even realise it until I move my stare away from the monitor, but I don't complain because the money is good. At times, it takes my social time away, like today and previously, where everything I plan I have to plan it around editing. And people possibly aren't happy about it, but I'm not complaining because the money is good. And I sometimes don't like the side of me that works for the money.
Some people don't see the need to earn so much money when we're still studying. Some people don't need the money. I would like to spend the last few days of the holiday enjoying myself too, who wouldn't? Some people don't understand your job. But that's only because they're not wearing your shoes, and however much you wished you were wearing theirs, you're not.
And a very happy new year to you too.
It was drizzling when I left your house, and then I realised I had forgotten to take the heart that she wanted to give me. I know she said it in passing, but at that point it really meant alot to me. I had half the mind to text her to keep it for me, but I guess it would have been weird for her.
Everything feels a bit off nowadays. In my humble opinion, I think it's only because at the beginning you and I spent so much time together, and now that we're comfortable with each other and not spending so much time now -- only now-- do I realise that you're not the one I used to know. Over the years you have changed subtly, and we were close enough and met often enough such that I didn't realise the change in you. When you were with me you showed me a side of you that I had gotten used to over the years. What I didn't see was the time that we did not spend together. What did you do in that time then?
Today I am tired. I am tired of editing taking away my time. People think that editing is easy peasy, just like everybody else who isn't in another person's shoes. But it's not easy at all. Everybody must be thinking, how much time can editing take up? And how difficult can reading a few pages of words be? To be honest, it is the constant thought that is on my mind. I get no peace when I have unedited files due in a tight deadline. Every day without fail I wake up, switch on the computer and sit down to edit, have some lunch, watch some tv, go back to editing till it's dinner time, get distracted some, have dinner, chat on the phone with ray, go back to editing till about 3 am, sleep, wake up the next morning and repeat the routine. It's sickening at times, but I don't complain because the money is good. Sometimes when I sit and stare at the computer screen for 3 to 5 hours straight i get a neck pain that only office workers should be getting, and I don't even realise it until I move my stare away from the monitor, but I don't complain because the money is good. At times, it takes my social time away, like today and previously, where everything I plan I have to plan it around editing. And people possibly aren't happy about it, but I'm not complaining because the money is good. And I sometimes don't like the side of me that works for the money.
Some people don't see the need to earn so much money when we're still studying. Some people don't need the money. I would like to spend the last few days of the holiday enjoying myself too, who wouldn't? Some people don't understand your job. But that's only because they're not wearing your shoes, and however much you wished you were wearing theirs, you're not.
And a very happy new year to you too.
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