Of Jolly and Folly

"Everything happens for a reason."

Everybody must know that by now. The sentence certainly did not conjure itself up. There must be a reason why the saying came to be. It happened for a reason. (What profound knowledge I seem to be exhibiting. Look at what the holidays did to my brain.)

I like this photograph for no reason.
(Might mysteriously be the congested traffic.)

So today is officially the last day of 2007, and it is good to do reflections on the last day of each year. And what better way is there to keep track of all your reflections than making a list? Have I mentioned before that I love lists? I do.

So we start with the start, and end with, oh well, a new start.

1. I went through a break up.
Hey, I'm not being a wet blanket here by reminding you about THAT, but it really is the first major thing that happened to me at the start of the year. But hey, I strongly believe I emerged a little wiser from that relationship. Speaking of that, I saw the ex recently, and I did feel the tiny twinge of my heartstrings being tugged ever so slightly. But it was just a tiny twinge, and okay, in all honesty, I'm wondering whether I should drop him a Happy New Year message. But that's for 12 A.M., and when the time comes I'll just see where my spontaneity takes me. (:

Who in the world came up with the term "heartstrings"? I shall coin a new term, like "lungthreads" or "kidneystones". Oh wait, that's not new right. But lungthreads is new, and it shall be used as such: Thinking of him made my lungthreads knot up such that I had difficulty breathing.

2. I managed to secure a place in a local University.
Why, and even now as I type I'm missing school can you believe it. But I know that once the school term starts I'm gonna wish that I was on holiday, and that school never existed, and once the holidays start, I'm gonna wish that I was in school. Argh. Irony likes playing around with people like that. On hindsight, I'm very thankful for this chance to study Literature. I know my grades weren't all that good, and I am so grateful.

3. I almost became religious.
This is the closest I've ever been to an encounter with religion. At that time I really did believe that there was a God, but there was always a "but", always a "but". I don't know which is worse, believing that there is a God, but refusing to accept the teachings in Bible and all that is preached, or refusing to even believe that there is a God at all in the first place.

So in the event that there really is a God, and the day comes where you are hauled up in front of Him for judgment, can you imagine what'd happen?

Scenario A - Man who believes there's a God, but doesn't accept the Bible.
Man: There! I always knew you existed!
God: Good for you, so why didn't you follow my teachings in the Bible?
Man: Urm, that's because I found it full of contradictions, and I honestly didn't believe in life after death, thus negating the need for any kind of salvation to earn myself a place in your kingdom.
God: But you're dead now right, and we're still conversing, so doesn't this constitute life after death? Where do you think those pearly gates you entered led you to?
Man: Uhoh.
*Gets struck down by a bolt of lighting which mysteriously appears from nowhere.*

Scenario B - Man who does not believe in God.
Man: Who are you? What is this place?
God: I am God, the one you did not believe in.
Man: Whoa, cool. So, do I get pardoned for my sins because I didn't know better and commited them out of ignorance?
God: Hmm.. But you do know the existence of the Bible right?
Man: Urm, yeeees... But I've never read it before!
God: Too bad for you then, if you chose not to read it. I always knew free will was a mistake.
Man: Uhoh.
*Gets struck down by a bolt of lightning which mysteriously appears from nowhere.*

I dunno, I guess religion comes in a package. If you believe in God, you have to believe in the Bible. If you believe in Allah, you have to believe in the K'oran. If you believe in Buddha, you have to believe in the.. what, Buddhist scriptures? I-ching? The Buddhist Bible if you must. If you believe in MacDonald you have to believe in the Big Mac, just like how if you believe in Kentucky you have to believe in his fried chicken. (ARGH stop it already.)

No but seriously, I don't know. I don't know a lot of things. You hear so much nowadays that you don't know what to believe in anymore. "The greenhouse effect is a myth. The greenhouse effect is reality. Eating eggs increase your cholesterol level. Cholesterol does not come from eggs. Having 8 hours of sleep each day helps you lose weight. Not sleeping for three days straight helps you lose weight. Ghosts exist. Ghosts don't exist. David Blaine has magic in his fingers. Don't trust those warnings the producers put on saying that no camera tricks were involved. People are essentially born sad. People are essentially born happy. GOSH DON'T YOU JUST HATE CHOICES. There's a lot more we can talk about, but I'm sure you're tired of hearing already.

4. My editing job screwed up my command of the English language.
I can't tell whether it's "its" or "it's" anymore. Is it "the dog wagged it's tail" or "the dog wagged its tail"? Both look correct to me, sadly. "It's tail was injured"? "Its tail was injured"? Raaaaaarrrrr!
This is such a warped world. ):

5. My sister got married. I am officially a sis-in-law.
Wow cool! I've got a married sibling! Not many people I know have got married siblings. I'm eagerly awaiting the day where she gets pregnant and gives birth to a cute baby for me to play with. Ho ho ho. I have been dropping very blatant hints to her about my expectations for the arrival of a niece/nephew, but she doesn't seem to get them. ): No, I suspect she does actually, she just doesn't want to give me the satisfaction of playing with her baby. Heh heh.

6. I seriously considered trying to pick up smoking for a period of time.
Bad, bad person! ): Everybody copes in different ways. Okay that's pretty irrelevant. But oh well. I had bouts of emo and one bout of anti-social and all the while my mind was keeping me occupied with morbid thoughts which did nothing good for me at all. I think Lit does funny things to one because it can be such a depressing subject. It weighs down heavily, and you know it, but there's nothing you can do to lift that load off, it will stay there because it has made an impact on your life. I love Lit for various reasons.

7. I realised that you need to work at making relationships work.
Why, of course I didn't only realise it this year. But this year made it especially hard for me because I suddenly became busy with seemingly pointless things that snowballed into terrible time consumers. We're talking about my time here, hello. It's no longer like in the past where I had too much time on hand, it's different now. It's like I suddenly realised that there are things waiting quietly to be done, and when they start getting impatient you'll miss them, and I didn't want to miss anything, so I did everything. Or at least i tried to.

8. I almost fell in love.
Okay that's too dramatic. I didn't almost fall in love, I had a crush on some stranger in school. And he's the closest I got to liking since the ex, so I consider that a good thing because it signifies moving on.

8. I had a wonderful Christmas.
Christmas Eve was lovely, Christmas Day was lovely too. And I certainly do believe that New Year's Eve will be lovely too, as with New Year's Day, and the new year ahead. It's always funny how when you caught in that situation at that point in time you experience the extremely good, the extremely bad, and all of the array of varying degrees of goodness (and badness) in between, but when you look back, somehow, it's all good. It's all good. I guess that's what they call having no regrets, and if there's one thing I'm proud of myself, it's having no regrets. (Until i recall any, that is.) The thing is, I strongly believe that my life has turned out the way it has so far because of the choices that I make. I can't remember how regret feels like. Which is a good thing I assume, let's hope it stays that way.

OH, and I'm starting out small for my new year resolution. It's simple, and hopefully achievable. I resolve to be punctual. There you go. Nicely done. Simply put, but says a lot. At least to me it does.

Next year I'll resolve to buy a Ferrari or something.

The year ahead will be a great one. (:

King of Kings, Queen of Queens

It was hanging there one fine day.

Throughout the entire examination period I'd been having utterly random thoughts and dreams, and it didn't feel appropriate to go about updating blogs during the exam period. So I wrote everything down in my word pad.

I dreamt of MacDonald's, of Tian Meng (a secondary schoolmate I've never spoken to in my entire life), of zombies, of being given a pencil to defend my self, of interchangeable shaft covers, of pretty weird stuff, but mostly dark images.

What if one day you fall in love with Death? What if one day you realise you don't have much time left? (I was watching Meet Joe Black at the time, and it was interesting the way they portrayed Death to be innocent and all, not to mention hot.)

Confined to my own thoughts, I toss in bed, drift off and wake up without feeling rested. I eat, simply allowing the throat muscles to push the food down, without any enjoyment whatsoever. I almost throw up when I swallow the salmon.

My parents are the cutest people on earth. My sister is the third cutest person.

The view from the kitchen window. It's what I have grown to rely on for random moments of serenity.

And then a friend said,
"Mean it when you cuss! That's what makes it satisfying!
That or don't do it at all."
And I thought it sounded like a catchy tagline for a cussing advert

Hanging there for its dear life.

Cold Clothes.

Sun rays never fail to amaze.

Today is one of the coldest days ever.

I recall how it's the same every end of the year, where the roads in Orchard are decked out in fancy lights in anticipation of Christmas day. There I'd be in the bus, my hands being freezed off by the jets of cold air blowing out from the aircon outlets. You know how the furthest those little nozzles can be adjusted is such that the cold air blows directly on your lap, and when you're travelling in a bus, there's no better place for you to position your hands except on your lap? Of course by the end of the journey my hands would usually be under my butt, which would be the only part of my body which remains warm.

Bloody freezing I tell you. But the decorations somehow always seem to make it better. I like looking at the lights out of the bus windows condensed with water droplets.

While I was at IMM tonight I momentarily became a Magnet for All the Bad Vibes There Possibly Could Be Floating About in the Air. My mind blanked out and started filling up with all of those thoughts meant to get you down. And they did. They got me, right in the head, and straight to the heart.


It kept playing, "knock, knock, knocking on heaven's door..."



I saw without seeing, I heard without listening, and I spoke without thinking. I saw people without faces. I heard voices without sources. I said things which had no meaning. I must have been unreal just for that moment.




I scanned the crowd.
I thought of my happy friend.
I love my happy friend.