Valentine's Day today is not a happy day.
Valentine's Day one year ago:
- We met at Fish & Co. for dinner. I distinctively remember a warm fuzzy feeling as I stood at the LOVE sculpture looking at them in their animated manner. It was a nice feeling. Most of all it was a happy day, and even the dinner couldn't ruin it.
Valentine's Day today:
- As well as being the main reason why I am feeling pretty much like crap, it is also the reason why I'm feeling fucking much more than crap like I'm in the pits in a mood so foul I took it out on my family my family my family I shouldn't have I took it out on the people around me I need sleep I need sleep I need to forget to forget to live my life like it is mine and not yours not yours not theirs. I know we all have our lives that we have to lead I know it is nobody's fault there is no fault no fault the only fucking mistake I made was to commit to choose a name to indicate commitment to show that it really matters it really matters it matters too much. Maybe it doesn't those days that mattered have all passed now it's all in the past we should all move forward no correction I need to move forward I can't dwell in the past anymore it's not like we'll all be stuck in our 13 14 15 16 17 year old bodies and minds and naivety we all grow up. I accept that. I shan't protest. We all lead our own lives.
I'm crumbling.
Mel thanks for trying, I appreciate all that you do.
Swee thanks for making me see.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Sunday, February 04, 2007
Eternal Sundown In The Spotty Mind
Diaries of The Spectacle Girl
I feel like I've been brutally detached from my life since I'd started working at a certain optical shop in town. Most of the time I'm down. I'm literally bogged down by my job, and I don't want to stay there long enough to actually get used to it. I've got no time for my friends, my family, my blog, my xbox (I mean Phillip's xbox), my music, my books and all the other simple things that I'd really like to do, like watching a television programme that I really like, or to sit and talk with my family on weekends. Instead, guess where I am most of the time? Compliments if you guessed at work. Which is why it's becoming such a dread for me.
Day in day out I stand on my poor (stinky) feet in the shop, serving the rich (and nasty, the rich and nice, and the not-so-rich and nasty, and the not-so-rich and nice) customers who come into the shop. I've seen those bad cases of snob whereby customers speak in loud demanding tones. I've seen those bad cases of miscommunication whereby customers can't speak english, but try to. I've seen those bad cases of greed whereby customers (get this) DEMAND that they be given freebies, freebies and more freebies. Of course there are the pleasant customers who speak in pleasant tones, who joke around and are pleasantly nice. But still.
And then there are the colleagues. I love the colleagues, but they're not enough. Colleagues aren't like friends. Colleagues aren't like family. Colleagues aren't like the boy. Although maybe if I stay on they might become like friends. Okay actually they are like friends, they're lovely friends. Lovely people. But they're not people I love. (This is hard to put across. I can't seem to get it right.)
One thing I took away from the job is Learning From Mistakes. This holds especially true for this job because there were alot of mistakes I made, and the experiences taught me not to make them again. It's like most of the time I could feel my brain making mental notes about the mistakes made and how not to commit them ever again. Yea so I guess it was cool in that sense.
And I learnt alot. I really really learnt alot from the work I'd done in the shop. Not just about the spectacles, sunglasses and contact lenses that I deal with per se, I've learnt stuff about working life, about relationships, about the importance of time, about thrift, about tolerance, and plenty more. I like all that I have learnt, and I don't regret working this job, even though I have many complaints about it. But no regrets, overall, that is.
I feel like I've been brutally detached from my life since I'd started working at a certain optical shop in town. Most of the time I'm down. I'm literally bogged down by my job, and I don't want to stay there long enough to actually get used to it. I've got no time for my friends, my family, my blog, my xbox (I mean Phillip's xbox), my music, my books and all the other simple things that I'd really like to do, like watching a television programme that I really like, or to sit and talk with my family on weekends. Instead, guess where I am most of the time? Compliments if you guessed at work. Which is why it's becoming such a dread for me.
Day in day out I stand on my poor (stinky) feet in the shop, serving the rich (and nasty, the rich and nice, and the not-so-rich and nasty, and the not-so-rich and nice) customers who come into the shop. I've seen those bad cases of snob whereby customers speak in loud demanding tones. I've seen those bad cases of miscommunication whereby customers can't speak english, but try to. I've seen those bad cases of greed whereby customers (get this) DEMAND that they be given freebies, freebies and more freebies. Of course there are the pleasant customers who speak in pleasant tones, who joke around and are pleasantly nice. But still.
And then there are the colleagues. I love the colleagues, but they're not enough. Colleagues aren't like friends. Colleagues aren't like family. Colleagues aren't like the boy. Although maybe if I stay on they might become like friends. Okay actually they are like friends, they're lovely friends. Lovely people. But they're not people I love. (This is hard to put across. I can't seem to get it right.)
One thing I took away from the job is Learning From Mistakes. This holds especially true for this job because there were alot of mistakes I made, and the experiences taught me not to make them again. It's like most of the time I could feel my brain making mental notes about the mistakes made and how not to commit them ever again. Yea so I guess it was cool in that sense.
And I learnt alot. I really really learnt alot from the work I'd done in the shop. Not just about the spectacles, sunglasses and contact lenses that I deal with per se, I've learnt stuff about working life, about relationships, about the importance of time, about thrift, about tolerance, and plenty more. I like all that I have learnt, and I don't regret working this job, even though I have many complaints about it. But no regrets, overall, that is.
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