Hello Post Exams World!

Reading mel's blog inspired me to update mine. I think it's amazing that she's started a blog, and I really like reading her entries. (:
Jas' blog is so depressing, she's always talking about disappearing that I'm quite afraid that she might be entertaining some darn morbid thoughts. But I've got faith in her that she will tide through this, because like rachie says, bad things always pass, and I agree. Hang in there skippylee!
Datou's blog is pretty much about random things that I sometimes don't get. But recently she's been talking about her preparations for the exchange trip. Exchange sucks, it takes people away. =/ For 6 months at that.
Carinnie's blog is like mine, the entries hardly come, and the blog can't update itself, so in her words, "I think my blog is gathering mould."

Well I've been wanting to update for ages, but somehow exams, work, love and friends managed to get in the way. I still want to write about the fantabulous birthday that 9P did for me! Because I don't ever want to forget the euphoria of that day. I keep thinking, okay I shall do a post about my birthday, but I never do get to it because... well, see above. I also want to write about how the exams went, and how terrible it is when ray falls sick, and how i missed my mom when she went to vietnam, and how guilty I felt leaving my dad at home to eat dinner by himself when I went out everyday for one week after the exams, and oh, how I found this exact same La Dame aux Camelias quote in one of my previous blog entries on a schoolmate's blog. (What are the chances! The exact same passage with the exact same way of citing the author! Technically it isn't plagiarism because there was the book title and author's name, but it was weird seeing that, like someone just ripped your entire entry off your blog.) But well, you know, life got in the way I guess.

Right now I'm supposed to be doing editing. I've got like, 210 Word pages due on the 22nd, and then another 70 due on the 24th. And it's christmas week next week, I don't think it's even human for people to be doing work during christmas week! ): Why can't we have week long (or is it month long?) holidays like they do in China? And I've done christmas shopping for my family and I am so happy hohoho! I just know that they're gonna like their presents. Actually that's what I thought last year too, but it turned out that they didn't really like their presents. Nonetheless, it's a new year and a brand new christmas, so hurrah! They'll love their presents this year! But I haven't bought any for 9p and ray yet, and CHRISTMAS IS IN, WHAT, SIX DAYS?!! AND OF ALL TIMES I'VE GOT EDITING NOW?!?! AND WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS CARDS?! AAAAAAAH!

One thing though, I can't have xmas eve dinner with 9P because my folks are having it on christmas eve despite my relentless objections. ): And 9P always has dinner on christmas eve! Man. How do I resolve this. ): Gah.

Ray is sick with a throat infection poor boy. And I've got to go to my sister's house tomorrow at 9.30 am because she's expecting her furniture to arrive, and she doesn't have anybody else to accompany her so I'm gonna be nice and do it. After all her birthday's in 6 days' time. (: The dog is whining outside my room door I'm gonna let it sleep on my bed tonight because it's gonna be Christmas soon.











Nah the dog is imaginary. But the rest is real!

I Have Powers to Predict the Future

And even if I don't, I just know that this Saturday will be a BLAST! Like, BOOMZ! (gosh it's everywhere isn't it, even in nondescript blogs.)

Today, deetee messaged me "omg happy friend GO AND OPEN YOUR MAIL BOX," and I did, and I found that a cryptic message had arrived in the form of a letter through the mail. Upon opening the envelope, I saw two inserts. On one side of the first cardboard insert, it said "The Amusing Race," (it's SO 9P la, must have been skippy's idea can) complete with the signature Amazing Race clue card design. (Back at you skippy, "amaze me, amuse me" EH?) On the opposite side, it says "OUR PLANS HAVE CHANGED" in capitals, and below, "**DO NOT BE LATE**". (Something tells me that I musn't be late, and that they expect deetee and me to be able to figure out the location. What if we don't?!?) The second insert was a hand-drawn map. AAAAAHHHHH! And I died on the spot from the excitement that my 21 year old heart could not take.

Because of all the effort that 9P has put into designing the Amusing Race, I just know that it will be great. (: And I am terribly excited! So excited that I can't concentrate on my assignment. Speaking of which, it must be the busy period for them now too, and yet they took time off to think of this lovely race (cum tekkan session) thingum. (: They're the sweetest (and the most mischievious) really! BIG KISSES TO YOU GIRLS!

Another Day Over, Another Year Older.

Paying tribute to my loner days in JC, I have taken to updating this blog in school once again. This time the computer lab is filled with girls. And I am looking off their screens and seeing some KFC webpage, which is making me hungry. By now it should be pretty apparent that I am trying to while away time. I am supposed to meet Ray at boonlay later for a movie, but he hasn't had his last parade yet.

You know what? I really miss Rachel. Especially when Coldplay's 'The Scientist' comes on in my playlist, I feel like I can swim all the way to Australia and walk to Canberra to find her. Talk about budget travel.

Tomorrow I turn 21, which means that I'll be able to vote for the next elections. But other than that I really don't know what else it means. I haven't found the meaning of turning 21. Right now it just feels like a number to me. A number like 14 or 9. Let me figure out some new direction, and then I'll tell you how it feels to turn 21.

The other day in lecture, this Chinese girl came to sit beside me and started chatting with me. Her english was good for someone who only came to Singapore 2 months ago. (Did the school term only start 2 months ago? It actually feels like half a year had already gone by.) She asked me what my favourite book was. I was speechless for a moment. I find that at times like this when people ask me what my favourite book is my mind usually goes blank. Because I can't seem to think of the books that I like in an instant. Then I answered "Roald Dahl" because I honestly do like his works. Not those that he wrote for adults, but his childrens' books. Fantastic. I grew up reading them.

I am bad at formulating my thoughts and recounting events when you talk to me face to face. I usually stutter and have to think for a long time before actually remembering what exactly I want to say, and what happened. So if you ask me if anything interesting happened I'll probably save myself the embarrassment and say "nope, nothing interesting happened to me recently, how about you?".

After half a year this semester at school I concluded that I am officially a moron.

come undone in the sun

"However much you love a woman, however much you trust her, however sure of the future her past life makes you, you are always jealous to some degree. If you have ever been in love, really in love, you must have experienced this need to shut out the world and isolate the person through whom you wished to live your whole life. It is as though the woman you love, however indifferent she may be to her surroundings, loses something of her savour and consistency when she comes into contact with men and things."
(La Dame aux Camelias, Alexandre Dumas fils)

*Slaps forehead*

What happens when you feel like you've been taken for granted? And I don't mean it in a "hey I know you're sick but could you swing by and buy a packet of char kway teow for me?" way, but rather in a "hey I know you're sick but could you (go down to the supermarket to buy some ingredients, oh and I do want cockles in my kway teow, fresh ones please!) cook some char kway teow and deliver it to my home for me?" way. Well, the above scenarios are hypothetical, but I'm just trying to prove a point.

Sucks man.

I Scored One.

Recently I've been pretty emotional. But yesterday while I was doing laundry and listening to music at the same time, I suddenly got reminded of us, and how unexpectedly that we end up together after some years, that ray was just a boy that I saw at a random campfire, and that the goodness that I have found in him is something that I know I will never take for granted. And I realised that I'm an extremely lucky girl.
I had the renewed vision of what it is like being a part of a family unit. I had newfound appreciation for every thing that my parents have done for me, and I am extremely grateful for them. I have had thought nasty thoughts about them in the past, and I have had shut them out before. I finally understood that no one is perfect, and that what my dad and mom have done for the family is way beyond their flaws, and that I am most willing to overlook those tiny imperfections. And now that they are getting on in age, I want to be able to provide for them, and let them rely on me like I have relied on them my entire life up till now.
I also came to terms with my sister being married. I accepted that we could not be as close to each other as in the past, because she now has someone who will occupy a large part of her life, and she does not have as much time for me. And on my part I acknowleged that I have also left out much less time to spend with her because now I have got ray. And on weekends he and i go out and do stuff, and on weekdays when she comes home she's almost always in the room with joe. But I know that she will always be there for me when I need her, and that she will always be the dajie that I can turn to, whom I can borrow stuff from, and whom I have always loved as before.
I suddenly missed how 9p was in secondary school, when we more or less had lives that involved each other. I saw that this is what growing up and being apart does to people. It puts some distance between people, and with age people change, and that adds a little more distance until I see the same girls who stand before me, the ones I felt like I have known all my life, having become young ladies with plans for the future, with aspirations, with careers in the making, with different passions, with different characters and opinions. And I wonder how much more we will grow, and fervently hope to an invisible force to make us grow up slower, not too fast that we let details fly by, but also not too slow that we yearn to grow up quicker. I fervently hope too, that these girls retain all the innocence of their childhood and school days which will allow them appreciation for the littlest bit of beauty and wonder in the world that they may find, be it lush green leaves rustling in the wind, or the smell of crisp earthy morning air, and not get taken by the so-called-grownups-who-can't-wait-to-grow-up and adults' "oh-i'm-so-jaded-nothing-can-impress-me-now" attitude. I fervently hope that they can find happiness in the smallest things, and that they can only want nothing else.

For The Greater Good

Eugene had a difficult time dealing with his conscience.

His training had taught him that the passengers' safety is always top priority, and in the event of the unfortunate person falling onto the train tracks, he was to sacrifice that particularly unfortunate life for greater good - saving the passengers on board from the sudden application of emergency brakes which could send any passengers on their feet lunging violently forward. It was also easier for the company to dismiss the unfortunate death as a horribly unfortunate incident altogether, rather than to account for the numerous injuries caused by the driver's split second decision to jam-brake the train.

There is a standing joke-that-isn't-really-funny among the colleagues: The worst time for anybody to fall down onto the train tracks is during rush hour - confirm become sacrifice, and the company has to deal with waves of public dissention of "Why wait for train wait so long, why can't you guys be more efficient" and whatnot. The worst part of the train tracks to fall on is at the end part of the station, where the train first enters - driver confirm cannot spot you fast enough and train only just starting to reduce speed. The best kind of people to fall onto the tracks are fresh literature graduates - fresh out of university, with no concrete direction in life, and no skill that is valuable to the workforce, they are pretty much busy being a waste of valuable resources anyway.

Eugene was highly aware of the moral implications that came with sacrificing a human life in return for the safety of the majority, but what's done's done.

Twenty years later today, Eugene's stuck in a rut, constantly reminding himself that it's for the greater good, it's for the greater good. Training didn't teach him how to assuage the guilt that was haunting him. And nobody told him that it would last this long.

But it was probably for the greater good.

This is Heat like I've Never Known It.

For the first time since the stupid examinations ended, behold, a blog entry of sorts! =D

In a narcissistic fit, for the first time since I changed my blog layout, I took a look at my webpage with Internet Explorer and eeyuck, why is the layout like that? The text is tiny, too tiny, don't read it! It's bad for eyesight. Growls.

I don't understand! How come it looks perfectly fine with Mozilla? *grumbles grumbles* What am I supposed to do now? My blog is so pretty on Mozilla aaaaah!

Dear Friend,

My Favourite Dancer.
If you think she's gorgeous static, you should see her on stage--
Absolutely E.lec.tri.fy.ing.
(Photo shamelessly ripped off Facebook, credits to this person called Chong Ng)

Our Favourite Dancer was terribly stressed up about her TPDE concert because while the other dancers were having rehearsals from 9 to 6 on weekdays, she had work to contend with. Thus she had to make do with only 1 rehearsal per week on saturdays, and although I don't know much about dance, I do know that rehearsals are supremely important, and that one-rehearsal-per-week probably isn't enough to ensure a smooth performance. The Dear Dancer was pretty distressed, saying that she had a role as one of the stepsisters, and it was a pretty big role, and that she definitely wouldn't want to screw up. So a couple of days before the concert she broke down during practice. Listening to this you probably think she messed up big time on stage. Or if not, bungled at least one dance routine.




Well, all I can say is that, they don't declare her the "Best Female Dancer" of Funkamania XIV for nothing.

She completely nailed it.
Skippy was more than amazing on stage during the TPDE dance concert this year. I recall it to be the best she's ever been, in fact. And I think carinnie agrees with me. (: Sitting among the audience, I don't think I ever took my eyes off her whenever she came on.

To me, she is a gem of pure brilliance sparkling on stage. In hip hop terms, she is pure dope. *waves wrist in fanning motion*

Jas, I'm so proud of you.

Wait wait! I forgot to tok abt my bf! Today my bf went to the jungle for training. I feel veri scareds for my bf cos i heard tt the jungle got wild boar! x= What if the wild boar attack my bf? I am veri worried. ): I luv my bf veri much, nothing mus happen to him!

And juz now rite, got one veri veri veri veri veri big beetle fly into my house! AAAAAAH! I almost faint, but luckily it fly out quickly after it fly in.

Haha, this pic got no make up so veri ugly. =pPpppPppPpP

I Simply MUST DO This.

Nope not that, whoever said anything about the assignment, silly.

Helloooo frieeends!
I'm going to embark on an experimental blogging journey and do an entry about my day, maybe I'll see the logic behind people who derive joy in doing that, and I'll become one of them. Then at least this blog will be updated more frequently. Yaaay!

Today I woke up at 1 pm cos last nite i was trying to do my essay and i slept at 6 am, so i was really tired and only woke at 1. To my horror, i realised dat i was going to b late for my date with mel to buy dg's pressie! So i got up fast fast, and went to brush my teeth and bathe. When I came out of the bathroom, mel msged me and told me dat she would be driving, and said that she cld come and pick me up. Mel so nice rite~! :D So she picked me up and we went to Vivo.
Haha I luv Vivo cos it is alwaes nice and cold, and there is alwaes so many things to see!
We ate thai express for lunch, melmel had the bangkok chicken rice, and I had the glass noodles in tom yum soup. Really yummiez! Then while we were eating we kept discussing what to do for dg's bday celebration on sat, and what to buy for her.

(Aside: It actually takes more effort phrasing the sentences. I'm gonna push deeper into bimbocity. There's this mosquito flying around and it's annoying me. And I miss the tom yum soup already.)

Heehee! So we juz walk arnd aft lunch and we tot of getting face products 4 her but we didn't noe wich type to buy so we didn't buy lor. then we pass by action city, and saw many many cute cute stuffs! so we bought sumthing 4 her frm there (shhh, secret!), and den rine came to find us. we walk walk around summore and bot another 2 more pressies for her! yaaay so happie! then we acompany rine to have dinner and den melmel send us home. (:

After i reach home i ate my dinner. very yummie too! after watching tv for a while i fell asleep and woke up at 1 am to do my assignment again. But den i got distracted and come n update my blog! i luv my blog! :D

Dis is fun! I shall type like dis in future! XOXO!

Things You Didn't Know about Your Friends...

..which you suddenly learn about them through their blogs. Today I saw a sensitive side of a friend that I'd never seen before. Which isn't surprising considering I've only known her for, oh, close to two years. But I only see her for at most 5 hours per week on average, so it's not much chance to have long talks and whatnots.

I was really touched by her entries and it made her feel more real as a person with emotions and feelings as compared to rather aloof-and-in-control one that I'd been accustomed to. Well, in a way I think it's quite a pity that I haven't taken the effort to get to know her more, but hey it's never too late right? Yes that's right.

So things have been slightly awful, which shouldn't be a surprise because one part of me is convinced that I am damned to rot in the deepest levels of academic hell, but another part of me is saying that salvation is still an option, and going to school definitely isn't.
So once again I am going to try and clean up my act, and hopefully this will be the last you hear of me lamenting about my less than brilliant pursuits in academic excellence.

Screwit.

No Happy Friend, it's not enough that I ranted to you on MSN, I have to rant about it here too.

I'm going to Bintan tomorrow, and every inch of me screams reluctance. If it wasn't on account that I've known her for the longest time, I wouldn't even have considered before rejecting such an invitation. But at the same time it's also precisely because I've known her for the longest time that all the more I feel like I should reject her invitation.

I don't like that it's such a disorganised trip. It's the first time I'm going away to some place I don't know much about because she didn't tell us the details. Of course I know to look it up in the net, but that's not what I'm talking about. No itinerary, no details about the place we're staying in, no update on when and where to meet, no idea about when the ferry is going to leave Singapore etc. That's not planning, that's more like booking a trip for the whole lot and leaving it at that. Seriously, I can so picture what we're gonna do there, we're just gonna muck around in the sun. I'm just gonna sleep the 2 days away so that I don't have to socialise, or eat any 12 dollar per plate fish and chips which I'm sure won't be value for money. It's really just another touristy place like Sentosa where they knock the cash off visitors.

I don't like that I'm going with people I'm not familiar with. I don't even know half of the people going. Like heck I am going to enjoy making new friends on a two day trip and then say goodbye and never see them again forever. It's not even worth the bloody EFFort.

I don't like that I'm going to have to listen to mundane talk that people might throw at me. Heck, I get that a lot from her anyway. I am not interested, get it? I don't care if you think I'm 'gonna faint if you wear super short shorts and a silver bikini top' which screams LOOK AT ME or if it was your 'guy frens who asked you to buy the shorts because they think you look weird in longer shorts'. Honestly I don't give a damn. Why are you telling me all these mundane stuff? How does it help repair our diminishing friendship? It does nothing for me, and it probably stokes your vanity a little, and really, just go find someone else to tell these things to.

I am kicking myself really hard right now for being stupid enough to agree to go.

Stark Moments

This morning I awoke to the fact that I can be a judgmental person at times. More so towards my closer friends.

This morning I realised that emptiness is a horrid feeling to deal with. Without school I am hollowed, like I'm not getting the fulfillment I should be getting from my self as a student. It's screwed up how I understand that, but still refuse to attend school.

I'm probably the most lazy and irresponsible person I'll ever know.

Softly Now.

I don't like reading about people's breakups because it gets me all choked and soft inside, and it makes me go "why does love die?" and all the hairs on my arms stand.

I was reading random blogs and I was touched by some entries. On certain blogs it was like witnessing this generic story unfolding, from how they were really sweet in the beginning, of which the happiness accumulated through times spent on public transport, randomly making up words that were understood by only two people, family dinners, mutual support during trying times, giving and receiving second chances and the sorts, end up forgotten in a conclusive "I know we won't be happy because I wouldn't be happy."

It's pretty confounding how these things work.

Rantings of a Retard

Today I was being absolutely moronic by wailing and wailing while we were stepping into the house, utterly disgracing my parents because there were neighbours coming downstairs.

"Oi, siao ah."
*Whines* "But you whacked my butt just now, and I helped to scrub the hall floor today!"

And I ran into my room in a mock hissy fit and started giggling because I had effectively embarrassed my parents in front of the neighbours. They must regret not giving me away when I was 2.

I am such an irritating kid, it's a wonder my parents still love me. So, I am going to stay up during Chinese New Year's eve so that they will have a potentially long life. I don't see how it works, but it's worth a shot anyway. And it will give me a legitimate reason for staying up late (and my mom shall not come out and say, VANESSA GO AND SLEEP LA SO LATE ALREADY STILL DON'T WANT TO SLEEP!!). It will make my parents happy too.

I have resolved to make resolutions for the Chinese New Year (talk about cheesy resolutions. It's an easy-to-achieve goal, and it will be attained by CNY yaaay!). Well it gives me some time to settle into 2009 and properly think about what I want to achieve this year.

(I HAVE HEEDED THE GOD OF BLOGS!)

Today's a pretty much one of the crappiest days in a long time. I learnt that it hurts more for you in that tiny heart of yours when you hurt somebody who is already going through a bad time, even when it wasn't deliberate. It's funny how a certain bad thing that happens over a few hours can override the emotions from the good things that happen in the day, leaving you feeling as if the day's events never happened at all, and that you really only woke up at 8.30pm in the evening. Possibly daytime was really yesterday, and today only consists of night.



I started this entry having lots to say, but I guess I don't know how to put it across. I shall go watch some terribly poignant DVDs instead.