Godspeed.

It's about ten thirty in the morning right now. Here I am sitting in front of the computer, about to update about my escapade from Chomel.
I've just been to the work place. It wasn't cold, dark and claustrophobic as I had expected, on the contrary, it was rather noisy, brightly lit and spacious indeed. Yes, and I was really hesitant about working at that place and I wasn't sure why I was feeling that way. But yes, when the woman gave me the application form to fill up I started writing my name, marital status, race, nationality and then I started freaking out. Well, she said that I had to work until mid-december and that there was no way I could back out before that, and she was speaking in a loud, almost screechy voice. I dunno. And then I removed the application form from the clipboard and took flight before anyone could say "I'm a Chomel employee, may I help you?". I guess I chickened. It's like as if commitment doesn't exist in my values as a person, but it isn't like I have many in the first place. As far as I can remember, it has always been such that I can't commit myself to doing something; same with studies, same with ideals and it is always the same with some interests even.
I remember the time in Secondary One, when I wanted to learn to play the "di zi", (well that's the kind of flute they use in the Chinese Orchestra by the way) and my mom bought one for me, I fiddled with it for nearly a month and it's been lying await in the cupboard for a better owner ever since.
And to think that I often tell myself to go ahead with any decision that I make and not regret it. What an irony.
Regret. Regret. Regret.
(For those who play Halo 2, I think the Prophet of Regret is a dumb name.)

And I really feel as though I have let Sam down. Once again, my greatest apologies.

For now, I guess I'll have to wait for Carolyn to get back to me about the job at Coffeebean and The Tea Leaf. Well I always thought the name was cute. But of course I still wish that the Night Safari would hire me. Or maybe I should just go and peddle drugs. Nah, I'd probably take them and end up in rehab.

Ah, My Love.

I swear Jay Chou is the hottest being that ever graced the Earth with divine feet. Like seriously, what wouldn't I give for a just a tiny chip of his toenail.

Yay, Long Live Jay Chou the King, the Cutest One, the Greatly Endeared One, the Most Kind, Gracious and Intelligent One etc...

It's late and I'm quite sleepy. Sam found work for me as a packer/tagger for Chomel and I start tomorrow(today, technically). Seeing that the Night Safari people have left me out of their "possible employees" list, I have decided that I shall stick around as a packer/tagger before the Night Safari people realise their horrendous mistake and justify it by calling me up for an interview. After which I'd leave Chomel to grapple with their loss of the best packer/tagger they'd ever seen by quitting them and leaving poor Sam all alone in the cold dark claustrophobic room packing/tagging like never before.
No but seriously I really hope the Night Safari people call me soon and save me from the cold dark claustrophobic room in which the future shines bright for me as a packer/tagger and swish me away to a place where people pay twenty five bucks to watch sleeping animals. But well at least it's open air out there, unlike the cold dark claustrophobic room.
But actually I've not started work as yet and I haven't even been to the workplace so I'm not realy sure if it's cold, dark and claustrophobic. Aha. So there you go, tells you how much I want to work at the Night Safari such that any other job I'm offered seems so inconsequential and lousy. Gah.

Well I'd really like to work for the Night Safari! Who knows I might have the chance to train the lions to jump out at the tram when it passes by and bite on to the railings with their teeth. But wait are there lions at the safari? Or maybe I'd have the chance to train the bears to jump out at the tram when it passes by and bite on to the railings with their teeth. I know! There are deer! I've seen them before! So perhaps I'd have the chance to train the deer to jump out at the tram when it passes by and bite on to the railings with their teeth and maybe scare the people in the tram with grass essence dripping from their teeth. Yes, that would be a pleasant experience for the visitors to the Night Safari. So, I say, I really should work at the Night Safari. Sigh.

And Jielun totally rocks. I can't think of any better way to put it. Ah well.

He is my love.

And *drumroll please*... introducing... NATHANIEL! He's a friend of mine from Canoeing days. He's this really happy person! =) And since Nathaniel's been introduced, I find it difficult not to introduce another friend of mine.
And *drumroll please*... introducing... ANITA! She's a friend of mine from class. She's this really crappy person! ha ha!
See Nathaniel, I mentioned you! And you too Anita! =) And I'm really glad to have you both as my friends. Yay!
And of course I'm glad to have other wonderful people as my friends, but if I were to mention all of them and do a short write-up on each one, I think I might just get fired by Chomel for not turning up on the first day of work because it would take all night and all of the next day. Well it's not that I have thaaaaaaaat many friends, but I think each of them are like so wonderful and so so so so so special that.. that.. that I'm at a loss for words and sigh, I really love them. Love you all guys! <3

Speaking of friends I just went out with Evelyn, Jiawen and Bryan and I thought the entire outing was such a hilarious affair. Yes, that was definitely enjoyable. =)

But for now I've got to get some sleep, because I've got to gear up for work in the cold dark claustrophobic room which awaits me in approximately seven and a half hour's time. Okay, that's it for now!

How Do We Like Things As Such?

Things to do for the Holidays:

Number 1: Get a life.

Ways in which one like me can get a life:

- Get an income! By applying for a job and clinching it such that my material needs and wants can hopefully be fulfilled and I will be livelier.

- Get a boyfriend! By flying to Taiwan and accosting a certain Jay Chou and telling him we were meant to be and I will be much livelier. Or the alternative would be to hook up with the next guy in Sentosa that smiles at me, in an innocent kinda way and I will be less livelier than if it were Jay Chou, but definitely livelier alright.

- Have a stayover! By bugging any one of my friends around me to organise one and messing up their house, following them around all the time and sleeping on their beds and I will be Almost Brimming with Life! (<-- Look it's an exclamation mark, and this indicates that I'm at least a little Livelier now! <-- Oh hey it's another one! and another! yet another! oh hey there's one more!...)

- Have a 2D chalet! But hey that's not up to me! But it will definitely make me a Livelier person! But I do have a feeling that at the end of the chalet I'd resemble living dead more than anything else and there's nothing Lively about that no siree.

- Look forward to Christmas and New Year!! Whoohoo! Isn't Christmas the Loveliest festivity ever?! I simply love Christmas! That is life alright.

- Be nice to Bessie, Phillip and Carolyn! By buying them Christmas presents which they do not need, but want indeed! And that would set me back by alot of money, which brings me all the way back to my first point of getting an income. Seems like I would need a larger income then. Perhaps I could try for two jobs! And then that would make me a very busy person indeed and I would not be able to get a boyfriend, have a stayover, have a 2D chalet, look forward to Christmas and New Year or be nice to Bessie, Phillip and Carolyn!!! AAAARGH! It's a VICIOUS cycle!! So maybe I'll make do with one job and then the three of them will have to make do with hand-made presents or something. =) That will do nicely.

Number 2: Watch the Gemini starshower with Tofu like every year!

Number 3: STUDY!

hahaaa gotcha! bet you were TRICKED!
okay whatever I'm in love with Oliver Twist right now!
and this is pretty much what i wanna do in the holidays minus the third point. Wow! I don't think the holidays are even long enough.
=)

Fuck Off and Die.

It's a tragedy when life contains no meaning. And 'tragic' is the perfect word to describe my life right now. Sometimes I wonder if I'm wallowing in Self-Pity because it seems to me right now that's what I'm doing. It's so Pathetic that I'm so Pathetic and currently, life is so Pathetically Pathetic. (WOW I make a great Scrabble player with my wide range of vocabulary.)

SAJC is still an unhappy place for me. There's no warmth whatsoever in that place. Each day I dread going to school. Friends don't feel like friends, no offense, but it really hurts. I mean it's great just hanging out with them but there's always this distance and it fucking hurts. No I don't know what I'm saying do I? And I don't know what to say or what to do. I miss 9P, jiawen and siyun so much. I can't do without 9P, but 9P can do without each other. Everything seems so meaningless right now, such that I actually try to find meaning in the music I listen to, all that shit about happy songs. I am so hating life right now fuck if I had one wish I'd want to stay at the age of 15 for all eternity when I was stupid enough to believe in the phrase "Friends Forever" and all that crap about trying hard to keep the friendship alive. And maybe I should just fuck off and die and maybe the world will be a fucking better place.

Shit I feel like a dumbass but I was so looking forward to watch Corpse Bride with 9P even when people were telling me not to because it was a sucky show and all but I wanted to because it was a promise made. I wanted to go to Sentosa with the class as a class. I want to play bball with 9P all over again like in the past at the ayer rajah bball court, or the leng kee bball court which ever until we were all tired. I want to hang out with jiawen siyun and evelyn on the rocks at the gombak stadium until late at night like in the past even though it was the Literature exam the next day. I want to be able to open up to all my friends like I always can with 9P. I want to be able to see my friends together and happy each day. I want to do everything possible there is and shit, I feel like everything is taken for granted. Fuck I don't know what I'm talking about again. Life isn't about angsty blog entries and shit. Life is about being happy and I know what I want in life, and that is to be happy.

But SAJC is such a miserable place.

Anti Nostalgic.

On friday it rained in school, and I got all melancholy and nostalgic.

I used to love the rain to bits when I was in secondary three. I remember running towards rain whenever it fell. It was a kind of an obsession. I was obsessed with rain. At that time I figured there wasn't a particular reason why I shared this peculiar relationship with this natural phenomena which involved water falling from the sky in little droplets. But it was fascinating. Always had me looking skywards. Raindrops plopping on my skin. That was a good feeling.

And then there was this period of time when I kept seeing rainbows. As in real, non-metaphorical rainbows. Yes another of nature's phenomena I used to be in love with. Yes, those coloured arcs were everywhere. I don't know if anybody knew, but I was constantly seeing them. It was quite queer. Or maybe it was because that was the period of time I was actually consciously looking out for those rainbows. It was quite pleasant really. During gateway practice, I'd be rolling my eyes upwards due to some ridiculous behaviour of the juniors and tada, there would be a rainbow. During recess, I'd be leaning against the parapet and at the lift of my head, tada, a rainbow. And I remember the most stunning and beautiful rainbow I'd ever seen appeared in the sky when I was on my way to the 'O' Level Chinese exam. The sky was gloomy, stormy and the rainbow stood out brilliantly in the midst of the rolling dark clouds. It was a beauty really. And the weather conditions were so harsh I wonder how it actually prevailed. I think it had something to do with the presence of a reservoir. Does weird things really.


I think I should learn to embrace the rain once more. That would be good.

Festivity!

T'was a windy Mid Autumn Night..
Everywhere they went little kids were burning ants with the candles in their hands.
Not wanting to lose out to them little kids they too started burning ants with the candles in their hands.
Ants roasted and popped.
They were disgusted, but they could not stop.
The moon threw cakes which fell on them that night.
They picked them up and they ate them and they all died.

This day last year saw me and the 4L bunch playing with fire near the Bukit Timah Food Center. And we were all sweaty and hot. Tonight I went back to the Bukit Timah Food Center, not to relive the memories, but for a greater cause: to fill my empty stomach i.e. to have dinner. Well. I heard kids screaming their heads off when they were playing with those whistling sparklers thingies.. maybe the sparks flew into their ears or something. Ha ha. No, maybe their mouths. ha ha ha. Or maybe one of them fell when playing with the sparkler and it poked through his eye and the sight of the eyeball being pulled out by the sparkler made them scream. Ha ha ha ha. "FRIED EYEBALLS!" with the sparks still emitting it's so gross i can almost scream myself.

Hmm. remember the zhi char stall assistant whom I said looked like jielun some time back? I SAW HIM TODAY AGAIN! hahah. and he cut his hair. But he was still cute. And he still reminded me of the character takumi fujiwara in Initial D which JIELUN played. sigh. AND HE SERVED ME AGAIN! AHHAHAHAH. okay. i'm like all pervy. but he's really cute. sigh. Oh my god i wonder if he's single. I wonder if he goes to Orchard Road. I wonder if he stays with his mom. I wonder if he likes jielun. I wonder why I don't know anything about him at all.
I told bessie i thought he was cute and the first thing she said was "Lousy customer service." Bah. i think she's just jealous. She said an Indian man at the petrol kiosk smiled at her. I told her he'd probably fallen in love with her. And she was like "Of Course."
haha.

Like one week back I was going home on the train and this person dressed in a black top revealing CLEAVAGE stepped into my carriage. Good god. The tight fitting pants and the overwhelming Eau De Toilette, horrid. And this person wasn't really good looking. In fact i think even Mark Lee has a better complexion.

And this cleavage was the very first cleavage i ever saw

on a man.