Recently I've been pretty emotional. But yesterday while I was doing laundry and listening to music at the same time, I suddenly got reminded of us, and how unexpectedly that we end up together after some years, that ray was just a boy that I saw at a random campfire, and that the goodness that I have found in him is something that I know I will never take for granted. And I realised that I'm an extremely lucky girl.
I had the renewed vision of what it is like being a part of a family unit. I had newfound appreciation for every thing that my parents have done for me, and I am extremely grateful for them. I have had thought nasty thoughts about them in the past, and I have had shut them out before. I finally understood that no one is perfect, and that what my dad and mom have done for the family is way beyond their flaws, and that I am most willing to overlook those tiny imperfections. And now that they are getting on in age, I want to be able to provide for them, and let them rely on me like I have relied on them my entire life up till now.
I also came to terms with my sister being married. I accepted that we could not be as close to each other as in the past, because she now has someone who will occupy a large part of her life, and she does not have as much time for me. And on my part I acknowleged that I have also left out much less time to spend with her because now I have got ray. And on weekends he and i go out and do stuff, and on weekdays when she comes home she's almost always in the room with joe. But I know that she will always be there for me when I need her, and that she will always be the dajie that I can turn to, whom I can borrow stuff from, and whom I have always loved as before.
I suddenly missed how 9p was in secondary school, when we more or less had lives that involved each other. I saw that this is what growing up and being apart does to people. It puts some distance between people, and with age people change, and that adds a little more distance until I see the same girls who stand before me, the ones I felt like I have known all my life, having become young ladies with plans for the future, with aspirations, with careers in the making, with different passions, with different characters and opinions. And I wonder how much more we will grow, and fervently hope to an invisible force to make us grow up slower, not too fast that we let details fly by, but also not too slow that we yearn to grow up quicker. I fervently hope too, that these girls retain all the innocence of their childhood and school days which will allow them appreciation for the littlest bit of beauty and wonder in the world that they may find, be it lush green leaves rustling in the wind, or the smell of crisp earthy morning air, and not get taken by the so-called-grownups-who-can't-wait-to-grow-up and adults' "oh-i'm-so-jaded-nothing-can-impress-me-now" attitude. I fervently hope that they can find happiness in the smallest things, and that they can only want nothing else.