Muses

20th September 2007

They were daughters, and there were nine. Muses, that is.

According to the OED, a muse is a classical mythol. (How amusing! Haha I'm so sorry I couldn't help that.) Each of the nine goddesses regarded as presiding over and inspiring learning and the arts, especially poetry and music. They were daughters of Zeus and Mnemosyne, and normally held to be nine in number.

Ah, the interesting intricacies we find out as an English Literature Major.

But hey we don't only learn Greek mythology. In fact we don't touch that at all, the above was just a very minor subpoint in the entire lecture, but it was about the most interesting thing, I found. Why I'm not saying that the rest of the lecture was boring. Definitely not, no one planted that idea in your head right?

I was in a rather bad mood the moment I got home because it has been a long day at school, and Bessie pissed me off further by being very demanding, and I cannot stand her being demanding when I am in a bad mood, so I just pissed off and locked myself in the room trying to figure out if she had been through my things and I decided that she had when I found the Daniel Wu pamphlet in the dustbin. So I picked it up in an intense pique of anger and threw it on my table and if I come back from school tomorrow and find it in the dustbin I shall pick it up again, and the next day, and the next day, and the next day until Bessie realises that I want it, and I want her to stop going through my things. I am irritating that way, but that's the way I am.
I also got pissed because she removed the bedsheets and I had to put the bedsheets on if I wanted a nap, which was what I wanted badly when I got home, so I slept on the floor of my locked room in the very same intense pique of anger. I hated the smell of her cooking wafting into my room and staying like an unwanted guest for a very long time but I still fell asleep anyway. I woke to the sound of Phillip frantically trying to open the door by twisting the doorknob this way and that and grumpily ate my dinner of porridge, canned meat, fish and vegetables.

I wish I had a rooftop to sit on.

18th September 2007

She's been taken in by the music. And that doesn't help with her perennial neck ache. Nor does it help with the moods. Listening to it over and over will not cure her obsession. She wished she had ivory to tinker on. You never know what's going through her head. Let her waltz, let her tap her feet in time with the music, let her feel it in her fingers in her veins in her blood in her life. In her life. In her life like a soundtrack; the soundtrack of life where the scenes do not connect they break they shatter they cut like glass and etch themselves deep in her heart, deep in her heart where no one can every access. She locks herself up away from the family. There is no light, just one yellow bulb. And it lights up most of her time. Let the music go on, let it play, let it be the one that unlocks the chains on her ankles and wrists. Let it unlock the chambers in her heart.

11th September 2007

I'm losing myself.
What am I doing? Where is she?
I don't like it. What am I doing? Where is my character where has it gone?
Where are my friends?
Pull me back friends pull me back.
I'm lost.
Find me.
FIND ME.
Get me back.
I miss everything we used to be, used to share, used to have.
I miss the ways.
I miss.
I'M MISSING.

Well, You Probably Weren't All Aware.

Happiness, she said, and then it was gone.

It's sort of a transient thing. But then again, all things are transient. No wait, what's the meaning of transient in the first place?

School's probably the current highlight of life. But it's so draining and I really wonder why. Maybe it's the course. Maybe it's the stifling atmosphere in campus. Maybe it's just the weather. Must be the weather. I keep dressing for the wrong weather, and then feeling stupid for doing so. People should just stick to school uniforms. (Bessie's watching some korean drama. I dislike korean dramas for reasons unknown.)

Everything's rather different now. I keep having bouts of ridiculous emotions dropping in (during school hours mostly). The weather's really hot isn't it? But some days the weather's really cold. I'm high at inappropriate times. I get moody pretty easily, and I realise I don't have much to say so I keep quiet most of the time. But when I talk an entire truckload of rubbish comes out. It's like there's nothing good left up there. I'm sleepy.

I miss my friends. I'm gonna cry like a baby and hope that my tears will wash me towards them like a tidal wave. I think we're tired most of the time. (At this point, there really are too many "I"s in the paragraphs, making me sound like some self-absorbed freak.) Met a bit of 9P today, realised that our meetings are getting shorter and more abrupt. A bunch of tired people aren't really that dynamic. But it's always nice. Always nice.

I want to skulk around in the shadows.
I want to shave my head.
I want to be a plateau. (I had trouble spelling that.)

Give me a Rubik cube anyday. Temper's short though, might just destroy it.