Tag - You're It.

Blinded (When I See You) - Third Eye Blind

Just an old friend coming over now to visit you and
That's what I've become
I let myself in though I know I'm not supposed to but
I never know when I'm done
("Are we gonna be friends?" I find myself constantly asking myself that. Or rather I find myself constantly wanting to ask him that. But thing is, I don't think he even wants to hear from me now. He doesn't message. He doesn't call. Not even as a friend? Why is that? Do you think he's angry? About what? I haven't got an inkling. Oh well.)

And I see you fogging up the mirror
Vapor round your body glistens in the shower
And I want to stay right here
and go down on you for an hour
( Have I ever mentioned that he has a great body? Yeah he does and I'd always felt secure with him. Minus the fact that his sense of balance is almost nonexistent. Gosh I love his built.)
Or stay, and let the day just fade away
In wild dedication, take the moment of hope
And let it run, and never look back at all the damage we have done now
To each other to each other to each other
(Yes, like all the times we've been quiet, not knowing what to say, and I had the strong urge to just plant a kiss on your cheek to make everything better, but always being restrained by something, something I know not of.)

Cause when I see you, it's like I'm staring down the sun
And I'm blinded
There's nothing left to do
But still I see you
(Everywhere I go now that we've been to before I still get these short clips in my head depicting all that we've ever done. Stop surfacing. Stop surfacing I say. Glorious memories melt into misery and pain when we're no more.)

I never believed that things they happen for a reason and
They never go as planned
(I hated planning, and you were one who had to plan everything beforehand. You wanted to make full use of your time. I have always been idle.)
I wanted to thank you for a vision that was lost that you returned
but you're passed do you understand
(You were my miracle. You are my miracle no more.)

Now her appetite is blown, little else is known
Except she a little angry, grabs a towel and looks away
And heat fades with the day
And I fall down on what to say,
Oh something clean let me be clever
(Now there must be something wrong when I've got more to talk about with my friends than what I've got to talk about with you. But I always tried. But the more I tried the less I had to say. And when words failed so did we.)
Hey oh well whatever
But that's not what I mean
Where we've been has left us burned
Still I won't turn now from a fight
You know I'll never win
(You once told me, in the event that we fought, to just ignore what you said and never to argue with you because ultimately I would be the one getting hurt. And that when you've cooled down you'd be able put yourself in my shoes and think about the matter in a rational way. But we never had the chance to fight.)

So when I see you, you know all the things I've done
Well I'm blinded
Like I'm staring down the sun
When I see you when I see you when I see you
It's like I'm staring down the sun
I'm blinded
(The times I watched you on the basketball court. You were in your element and you practically shone. At least I saw you shine. And now your face is still inked in my mind.)

Time passes and it tells us what we're left with
We become the things we do
(I was eaten by insecurities, but they were justified in the end. I saw it as a sign.)
Me I'm a fool, spent from defiance, yeah you got me but
I didn't give up on you
(There were times when I contemplated if I was doing the right thing. Maybe we should have waited longer before getting together. But it's okay, we tried right? It's all about feel.)

Icarus is not a tee shirt or a swan song, no
He is born again and it's not easy being me
(Heartily know, when half-gods go, the gods arrive. - Emerson)
But I can't promise I will mend or bend
When you believe that we are fixed now from our birth
And I've just fallen back to earth
Still you know I'll try again
(I take it as a consolation that we weren't very deep in love because the fall was then not as hard. And it appears now that even if there was a slightest chance that we'd get back together for some reason I wouldn't want that, but if I could turn back time I would definitely choose the path that I had chosen then, and get together with you all over again even if we had to break up ultimately.)
Cause I believe that
We are lucky
We are golden
We're stolen manners
In the days when we were one
(You made me see things the way I 'd never been able to before.)

So when I see you, despite all that we've become
I'm still blinded
But I'm still staring down the sun
When I see you when I see you when I see you
I'm still staring down the sun I'm still staring down the sun I'm still staring down the sun
I'm blinded
(There is no blame. I still miss you and think of you constantly, but hey think on the bright side, it hasn't even been one month since we ended. Give me more time alright?)

Heartily know, when half-gods go, the gods arrive.

Honey Bunny

It would have been our third month today if we were still together.

Together; (definition taken from Dictionary.com)

1. into or in one gathering, company, mass, place, or body: to call the people together.

2. into or in union, proximity, contact, or collision, as two or more things: to sew things together.

3. into or in relationship, association, business, or agreement, etc., as two or more persons: to bring strangers together.

4. taken or considered collectively or conjointly: This one cost more than all the others together.

5. (of a single thing) into or in a condition of unity, compactness, or coherence: to squeeze a thing together; The argument does not hold together well.

6. at the same time; simultaneously: You cannot have both together.

7. without intermission or interruption; continuously; uninterruptedly: for days together.

8. in cooperation; with united action; conjointly: to undertake a task together.

9. with mutual action; mutually; reciprocally: to confer together; to multiply two numbers together.

It takes two. We were together for eighty-one days.

It takes two to be one.

The walking epitome of emptiness. I'm hollow inside. It's an inexplicable feeling. I can't say it's sadness, neither is it depression.

The closest word would be lethargy.

I need to go back to reading to watching to listening to laughing to smiling to going to thinking (not of bad things of course silly) to being to befriending to just being to just being to just being me.

I'm not me when there's him. I'm still not me when he's not there.

He graduates from Basic Military Training tomorrow if I didn't remember wrongly. I need to live past this period of time with dates of what we have planned previously. Time is what I need. Because everything I see still reminds me of us. I dread going home each time I'm out. I dread seeing the void deck of my block of flats, I dread walking through the corridor, I dread taking buses, trains, dread seeing motorbicycles, I dread remembering, because then the unsettling lethargy just sets in. It simply sets in, it attacks me from within until it reaches the layer beneath the skin, and it seeps out from the pores, the way poisonous gases always seem to be able to permeate through cracks in the walls, and the lethargy hangs around for a large part of time and I find that I am totally ruined by it.

I know I will get past this in due time. I love my friends! :D And I love retail therapy! :)

What Is It That You Want Now

What is it with breakups and tears? Why do people cry when they experience the aftermath of breakups.
Point: A breakup is something that happens at a certain point in time, it is not a process, it is an event.

Why does it seem to be indefinitely so that crying ties in with breakups? And then I wonder if the boy is feeling anything at the moment. And then I realise that I probably should stop trying to figure out what he's doing what he's feeling what he's thinking at the moment because that's not going to change anything.

Anyway, back to the question, I figured that people cry when they breakup probably because they really are breaking up inside.

Something pretty miraculous happened last night. On Lilian's advice I actually prayed. And for a long time since I actually felt that my prayers were answered. Okay I know this sounds weird coming from me, but all I did was to ask for my tears to stop flowing, and for a good night's worth of sleep, and that really happened. I mean. It just dawned on me that Boy's not the one for me. I mean it was something I knew all along from the start but maybe lost somewhere along the way and last night it just became clear all over again, and that stopped the tears. I mean. I dunno. Divine intervention? But fact is it was inherently in me all along that Boy wasn't the one. I dunno. I tried making it work. Okay come again, I think I tried making it work. Maybe it wasn't easy, but I've got no regrets whatsoever.

Boy said that when we went out I didn't know what he wanted. I mean we've known each other for all of three months? I probably understand him as much as I understand my first three months classmates. Not excluding the fact that for the past one month plus we've only been spending one day of each week together, I probably understand him as much as I understand my first three months cca mates. But no.

In all honesty that's not true. The stark truth is that we had no area in common. Alas. He was very open with me. Which was touching, very touching.




Thank you boy. For once I'm sure I can say that I love you. I love you for teaching me happiness, for teaching me priority, love you for teaching me acceptance, tolerance, commitment, punctuality, I love you for being open with me by taking off your mask in front of me, for teaching me that sometimes letting go is the best option. Thank you so much. I love you.