Why Are You Reading This?!

If I were a camera, would I want to have an in-built short term memory?

If I were a camera, I wouldn't want to have an in-built short term memory. It'd be fine if all I see and capture are of a pleasant nature, but what if I belong to a psychopath and all the pictures this psychopath takes are of an unpleasant nature?! Oh the horror! The horror! These unpleasant images would then be imprinted in my short term memory, and I'd be unduly traumatised by them images. But then again if I were a camera I wouldn't be capable of emotions and feelings, and I probably wouldn't find anything wrong with the pictures taken by a psychopath. So I probably wouldn't mind if I had a in-built short term memory. I think it's even more probable that I were to be the psychopath.

About the short term memory, mine doesn't seem to be working very well these few days. I think it's pretty much overloaded with rubbish. Oh no. I'm becoming so forgetful that I cannot remember what it was that I wanted to type when I was just thinking about it a few minutes ago. I think every human being should be constructed with a build-in sound recorder that records every single thing you say and hear in the day, that way we would all become super humans, and then we'd be wishing for stuff like retractable wings, x-ray vision and maybe Saddam would wish for a nuclear testing plant. Wait, or does he already have one. No! I'm not insinuating anything! I need to clear my short term memory, it's getting so messed up that I don't know what I'm talking about anymore. I'm becoming incoherent! AAAAH! That's about the worse thing that can happen to a camera. I meant psychopath. Nono, Saddam. No actually I wanted to say superhuman. Or did I want to say human. Is that it?

I think communication is an important tool. We constantly need to make our feelings known. I would gladly talk to animals if it was socially acceptable. I would gladly talk to Jay Chou's picture. I would also gladly talk to inanimate objects like the Xbox, although I would be much better of playing it. HAHA. Okay no pun intended. Or did I intend to pun? Gah. I cannot, for the love of all humanity, remember what my intended destination was in saying "I think communication is an important tool," but I think it goes along the lines of oh well, the importance of communication.
*I scream and faint.*
It's so pointless to try and type when the brain is giving up on me.

Maybe I'll do something simpler like disprove Einstein's Theory of Relativty for the 583rd time. Haha no I'm just joking, I don't even know his Theory of Relativity. I still wanna type even in the state of massive degradation my brain is in.

I am so gald taht the Jnue hloiyads are gnona dsenecd uopn me in auobt two dyas tmie. Oaky at tihs pinot in tmie I get the fienleg taht I'm tnriyg too hrad and shitemong tlels me taht I solhud jsut scumcub to the stuedcion of the bed.
My spllieng is gtntieg sceewrd I sewar. Hey balme it on the barin oaky. Taht's waht you get for tiyrng too hrad.

You are the Bluest Light

Donny had been feeling harsh and bitter cold on Saturday, Sunday and Monday. The animals in the barren woods told Donny that Sunday was technically the first day of the week. Donny still thinks that Rainday would make a better first-day-of-the-week. Saturday, Rainday, Monday. Or why not Snowday? Or Hailday?

Donny trots (although trotting is an inappropriate course of action because it does not match Donny's mood and Donny always thinks that moods should be shown so that people know how Donny is feeling and do not provoke Donny to make Donny flare up because Donny knows that that will be far worse in fact a thousand million gazillion times worse than Donny being in a bad mood and it will be hypocritical but Donny detests the way mood always has a way of poisoning the atmosphere) through the barren woods. The chill refused to go away.

On Monday Donny felt so bad that the tears could not hold. The tears ran through Donny's frock and Donny was left with a torn frock. The chill hit home like a stalactite. The animals are all running away. Donny should be left alone. Donny wants to go home. Donny wants to go home alone. Run animals run. Donny needs to wake up to the rain.


And I did a raindance.

My Parents are Noisy People

Okay so I'm currently supposed to be doing my UN source based assignment but because I'm signed into MSN and so is skippy I think I shall leave the UN source based assignment aside for a while. *Ooh is that a hint of alliteration that I see?*

I just realised that my mucous (I have no idea how to spell this) is bloodied yet again. I think I'm dying, skippy I think i'm dying! I'm so happy that I have people to talk to it gets me off stuff for some time. And it was great what the one called rachel told me yesterday while we were sitting on the stairs outside the Cultural Center, and skippy online! Nah. I'm just kidding.

So skippy just asked me to go watch Da Vinci Code on sunday. Whoohoo! I'm excited yes I am! I know you all are tired hearing about me rant and rant and rant non-stop and it's getting on every single nerve in your body, and it's anti-social behaviour running off to Lecture Theatres on my own. I always thought I was somewhat a social misfit, but like WHATEVER SAY WHAT YOU WANT I DON'T CARE IF YOU ARE CALLING ME A LONER BEHIND MY BACK! *left eyelid twitches profusely, nostrils flare and breath exits nose in sharp spurts, sending flecks of bloodied mucous (I can't spell this word for the life of me) all about the keyboard* Okay that's gross. Oh well.

Saint Andrew wasn't with the hockey team today. But then again Saint Andrew was a fisherman, so I guess he wouldn't have known how to help if he had been present. But I bet he would have recognised that the team put up a pretty damn good fight and would have rewarded them with nets/rods/bait. Okay you rest in peace okay Saint Andrew. Look over us while you're at that!

So they say that Singapore Idol's gonna air on channel 5 soon! I so so so can't wait for the debut okay. I wanna laugh my heart out at the ones who are just dying to get laughed at.

And I wanna watch Over the Hedge! It's like so cute. So cute. Oh and X-Men III too! And I wanna watch Cabaret with tofu!

Injections - Withdrawals Part IV

Here's the long-awaited part IV. What do you mean by saying that you didn't even know there was a part IV?

Eeli; EELIPHAAAANTY! hahahah love the name man totally. EELITANNY!!! ahahhaha. (okay that's enough vanessa how would you like it if somebody went about poking fun at your name calling you dabian. AAAAH but then again they already do so dahhahaha! *erupts in a bout of laughter*) But no no, seriously. Okay! Eeli you're this super duper hardworking lady and you are definitely capable of flying way up high in the A levels can! By saying that I mean that your results will be damn good! :) Whoohoo! No kick man girl! haha. Yep so this is my fellow photog mate! Yes photog always seems better because you're around! :) And the you always don't eat breakfast in the morning ah, quite bad you know. Breakfast gives you energy you see! And you must have energy to do things properly! Haha the best part is that I can always crap around with you and that's cool cause not many people like to crap around! :) haha I love you eeli!

The Stars are Plunging, Crashing, Plummeting.

OKAY I'M GOING TO SHOUT IT ALL OUT BECAUSE I'M REALLY FEELING LIKE SHIT RIGHT NOW AND TYPING IT ALL IN CAPITAL LETTERS GIVES ME THE ILLUSION THAT I AM VENTING MY ANGER ON ALL WHO ARE CURRENTLY READING THIS. WELL IT'S NOT THAT I WANT TO VENT MY ANGER ON YOU PEOPLE I ACTUALLY THINK YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST PEOPLE AROUND BUT OH HELL JUST BEAR WITH ME. IT'S A REALLY SHITTY FEELING THAT'S RESIDING IN ME AND, AND, and I really don't want to continue feeling this way. All of a sudden I'm feeling so small, SO INSIGNIFICANT, SO SMALL SO SMALL EVERYTHING'S FALLING, PLUNGING, CRASHING, PLUMMETING IT'S CRAP IT'S CRAP EVERYTHING IS CRAP IT'S CRAP. THE NOISE FROM THE TELEVISION IS JARRING SO JARRING I FEEL LIKE SMASHING THE SCREEN IN SO JARRING I HATE THE WAY I'M FEELING ALL THESE FEELINGS SHOULD CEASE CEASE CEASE RIGHT NOW JUST STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT ALL JUST SHUT UP SHUT UP STOP IT SHUT UP I HATE IT I HATE IT EVERYTHING'S NOT WORKING OUT I LOVE MY FRIENDS IT'S NOT WORKING OUT IT'S ALL OVER THAT'S IT IT'S ENOUGH I HATE THIS I WAS LOOKING FORWARD TO IT BUT LIKE WHATEVER IT DOESN'T MATTER NOW PLUNGING CRASHING PLUMMETING FALLING FALLING FALLING FALLING ALMOST THERE NOW ALMOST BELIEVING ALMOST BELIEVING ALMOST ALMOST SHORT OF FALLING. LEADING LEADING BEING PULLED ALONG BY THE NOSE JUST LEAVE ME LEAVE ME LEAVE ME ALL ALONE I HATE THIS.
IT'S ALL OVER.
IT'S ALL OVER.
OVER.

It's all over and I'm cool with that. By tomorrow everything will be fine after a good night's sleep.

Atop the Building, Strumming on Heartstrings.

Act 1 Scene 1
I conclude that it is a bad day today. It is a very bad day. Frightening. I do not like being in school on bad days. Because when it is a bad day I like to be alone. And when school people see me alone, they will conclude that I am a loner. And I do not like being called a loner. Frightening.


I am trying to pull off a "Top Girls" in which the Acts do not appear in chronological order, and the author does it the way she does because she is trying to get the audience to think long and hard about what she is trying to say. (For the uninitiated, "Top Girls" is a socialist-feminist play that addresses the issue of women and their role in a patriachal society. Or sorts. Don't ask me what 'patriachal' means, I didn't know too initially, until Mr. Smith kept using the term and I gradually gathered that patriachal means something like male-dominated, masculine inclination etc. etc.) But personally I think it's an attempt to confuse the audience and lose them somewhere along the transition from Act 1 to Act 2. I would be lost if I were watching the play without having read the text. I don't know about you, but when I go for plays, I don't really see all that use of dramatic devices that Literature teaches us about because most of the time I'm struggling to catch what the people on stage are saying. Oh. So you're saying you don't have that problem? Huh? Huh?! HUH?!!! Okay so I bet now you think you're superior just because you can catch what the people on stage (are they called players I wonder) are saying and I can't, and that gives you much more time to think about the dramatic devices being employed? Okay like whatever. Go eat some shit or something.


Act 1 Scene 2
So this is what happens when Vanessa is having a bad day. She apologises for her rude and increasingly unbecoming behaviour.


Act 1 Scene 3
In Pioneer Junior College three friends are shocked and disgusted when they hear that their friend had quit guitar class. Immediately they send smses demanding to know the reason. *Music plays. "And I just want you to know... I've found a reason for me... To change who I used to be... A reason to start over new.."* And the friend, starts feeling the most intense sadness, sadness so intense that it stabbed. And heartache.


Act 2 Scene 1
So I quit guitar class today. And for a very good reason. I'd thought about it. And I don't like facing up to it. I love guitar classes. After I told Adnan, I started feeling the most intense sadness, sadness so intense that it stabbed. And heartache. But it would be all over with a good night's sleep. And so I slept.


Act 2 Scene 2
I couldn't manage my time. It all voices down to this simple, disgusting flaw of mine - the inability to manage time. In fact it's more than just that. It's the inability to manage my life. I recognise that. I recognise all of that. All of that. And because of this I predict that my life will be screwed up. I have no pride. I see myself being divorced and living in a mangy apartment for the second half of my life. There's no light. It's too dark.


Finale
I need somebody to give me a hard push.

Of Sorts

April Showers.

Bessies's huge on puffs and cakes manufactured from the durian fruit. She's been buying puffs for a consecutive three days. And those in the refrigerator haven't been eaten yet. I wonder what is wrong with her. I open the fridge with trepidation that the stench of durian might come rushing out at me, and it does. I have nothing against durians, I just think that too much of something is no good.

Phillip and I were watching the brainless taiwanese variety programme Guess Guess Guess. There was a segment where the contestants had to pose for the camera close-up shot. Most of the contestants were showing the 'V' sign when Phillip suddenly brought his hand to his face, pointed the middle finger and went "Why don't people pose like that?" and started bursting out in loud laughter. It was pretty funny the way he did it.

aa-04-2006

I had a thought about packaging. Packaging is important. In fact it is everything. I hate the slimming centres advertisements in newspapers. I dunno. Some of them occur to me as being rather crude and unclassy. eeyuck. I shall skip pages with advertorials in future.

I think Chelsea players have interesting names. Phillip was making fun of them. It's almost always a constant joke between Joe and Carolyn and Phillip and I. We love going "Drogba, Lampard and Makalele" and being stupid about these names. It's pretty funny.

bb-04-2006

The pretty and naturally pink rose is sunbathing on my window grille. Biwen says that no colouring was added to the petals! So it's naturally pink! Thanks to Biwen and Jan and Eve! You brighten up my life and so does the pretty, naturally pink rose that sunbathes on my window grille next to the sexy red one that kimmies gave!

cc-04-2006

I look out of the window and the first thing I spot is a double star. I start squinting in amazement. Is this the same kind of phenomenon that has been causing me to imagine all those shooting stars the past few days I wonder. No the shooting stars were fake, and this is real I decide. I like looking out of the window.

dd-04-2006

Today, as usual when I go out with Yanni, I am careful not to mention Phillip in front of her. When I call him I don't acknowledge him, I just go straight into what I want to say. When I talk about the people at home I try to mention Bessie instead of Phillip. It hurts when you've lost your father. Although it's been two years, I know that you are still missing him and loving him. When you say that you want a new handphone, I ask you to trade it in, and you say "no, my father bought this for me." I almost cried.

I was there at the funeral. I saw how fragile you were. I saw how little you ate, and I saw nothing but pain. I'm so sorry, I really am. I wouldn't want to lose Phillip, I know that would suck alot. Alot. I admire your courage. I love you. I love you. I love you.

ee-04-2006

I am plagued by the curse of the number 14. At least for Literature. :(

ff-04-2006

Today I fell in love with the back view of somebody who had the same scent as Adnan. Whoa I'm not saying that I like Adnan so chill. I just think he smells nice.

gg-04-2006

Today I think to myself that when Carolyn gets married she will be the prettiest bride alive. And little voices in my head starts going "yes she will" in a wild chorus. I hope to be able to buy a digicam by then and capture her beauty in picture.

hh-04-2006

I'm in a general state of disarray. But then again I'm always in general states of disarray so nothing new there.

ii-04-2006

Today Phillip and I raced down the flight of steps in front of the long flight of steps leading to Marina Square in a mini competition. We were jumping the steps three at a time and Phillip was wearing a shirt and long trousers and nice shoes and he was jumping and jumping. At times like these I feel like he's the best father anybody can ever have.

I think Bessie's overeating I worry for her because she is not young anymore and should be watching her diet. I try to restrict what she consumes, but it is difficult. But she's the best mother anybody can ever have.

The above took place in the month of April and I cannot remember the exact dates, thus the letters to represent some kind of chronology. I have finally scrubbed down. My skin is pink now!