It's a tragedy when life contains no meaning. And 'tragic' is the perfect word to describe my life right now. Sometimes I wonder if I'm wallowing in Self-Pity because it seems to me right now that's what I'm doing. It's so Pathetic that I'm so Pathetic and currently, life is so Pathetically Pathetic. (WOW I make a great Scrabble player with my wide range of vocabulary.)
SAJC is still an unhappy place for me. There's no warmth whatsoever in that place. Each day I dread going to school. Friends don't feel like friends, no offense, but it really hurts. I mean it's great just hanging out with them but there's always this distance and it fucking hurts. No I don't know what I'm saying do I? And I don't know what to say or what to do. I miss 9P, jiawen and siyun so much. I can't do without 9P, but 9P can do without each other. Everything seems so meaningless right now, such that I actually try to find meaning in the music I listen to, all that shit about happy songs. I am so hating life right now fuck if I had one wish I'd want to stay at the age of 15 for all eternity when I was stupid enough to believe in the phrase "Friends Forever" and all that crap about trying hard to keep the friendship alive. And maybe I should just fuck off and die and maybe the world will be a fucking better place.
Shit I feel like a dumbass but I was so looking forward to watch Corpse Bride with 9P even when people were telling me not to because it was a sucky show and all but I wanted to because it was a promise made. I wanted to go to Sentosa with the class as a class. I want to play bball with 9P all over again like in the past at the ayer rajah bball court, or the leng kee bball court which ever until we were all tired. I want to hang out with jiawen siyun and evelyn on the rocks at the gombak stadium until late at night like in the past even though it was the Literature exam the next day. I want to be able to open up to all my friends like I always can with 9P. I want to be able to see my friends together and happy each day. I want to do everything possible there is and shit, I feel like everything is taken for granted. Fuck I don't know what I'm talking about again. Life isn't about angsty blog entries and shit. Life is about being happy and I know what I want in life, and that is to be happy.
But SAJC is such a miserable place.