Time Lapse

I've been away from this space for so long that it feels like unfamiliar territory. I'm typing gingerly; it's a strange feeling. I fumble with words. What goes here? What goes in the next sentence? Should I do a verbal diarrhea post? Was blogging always this difficult?

There are many things that I want put down in this space, pockets of joy, faucets of life that aren't adding up, issues to set right. Nowadays time seems plentiful but often not enough, I wonder where it all goes to.

Technology bugs me, it always has and I fear it always will. I can't deny that it's a powerful tool, but at the same time it annoys the fuck out of me. Or rather, people who get consumed by technology annoy the fucking daylights out of me. It's a strange thing to have a vault of information at a swish or tap of your fingers, and some people can't seem to get over that wonder. How many people have you counted today walking on the streets captivated by their phones or tablets? Also strange that it's one thing to be up to date on the latest trends, but yet be ill versed in everyday etiquette. Perhaps etiquette hasn't caught up with technology. Or better still, perhaps they haven't invented an app that teaches people to watch where they're going, or an app that reminds people to use earphones while watching their latest shows on their gadgets in public, or an app that flashes alerts when an old person comes on board the train and prompts people to give up their seat. How strange that advancements in technology seem to bring about the dearth of common sense. Why does it tear away at our humanity?

What happened to the times where your friend would call you on your house phone an hour before meeting time and inform you that "hey i'm gonna be late, so don't leave your house so early" and still be late anyway and you'd wait undyingly for said friend to arrive at designated meeting point, or where the definition of a picture didn't mean pixels on a screen, but physical sheets of photographs that people printed out for the sake of memory. I mean, what happened to the times where I had to personally ask you what interesting place you visited, or what interesting thing happened to you during the week instead of getting updated by some electronic alert, or to the times where I could enjoy your wholehearted company on a night out, or at a meal without us glancing at our phones every 5 minutes? Call me old fashioned, but isn't old fashioned socialising the best there is? Facebook isn't my friend; Check In isn't my friend; Whatsapp isn't my friend; the handphone isn't my friend; you are. But yet I have to turn to these to reach you?

Don't get me wrong, I love how technology make our lives so much easier, and i'm not saying that i'm impervious to its influence. All I'm saying is that there's always a proper time and place. The world can be better, and so far technology doesn't seem to be helping.

I hope this isn't too late

Reflections of the past year: there's not much to say except that it had its highs and its lows, like all the other years before it.

What I liked about 2010 was the support that 9p gave me during my exam period. They were such sweethearts. All their texts made me smile and made my heart go fuzzy. Although I did really lousy this sem, I think I would have done worse without their encouragement. Which, if you think about it, isn't actually possible because when you're at the bottom you can't sink any further. BUT that also means that next sem will be better! Much better i hope! (: BUT anyhow, I LOVE YOU 9P!!!

What I hated about 2010 was that I missed wonderbuddy's flight. Everytime someone talks about it I still feel a cringe of guilt inside. =/

I think having neglected this blog for prolonged periods has largely stripped me of my ability to write. This feels a little unfamiliar. It's scary to realise that most of the writing I've done in the past 3.5 years have largely been academic in nature.

Tomorrow I start my last semester in school, and what can I say? I'm not feeling particularly excited, nor am I particularly dreading it. It just feels like another day is approaching, you know? Maybe it's because my timetable isn't settled yet, so it doesn't really feel like school is starting yet? GEE I DUNNO. ALL I KNOW IS I can't wait for wonderbuddy to be home, and it's killing me to find out what modules she'll be taking!! :D I hope it's something I'm taking, and I'm crossing my fingers hoho!

I never thought that I would feel this way, but somehow looking at all those facebook posts makes me feel more distant than it makes me feel connected.

I Thank the Very First Person Who Decided to Blog.

I was reading all the past 9P entries and I thought it was funny how I wrote 2 years ago so I stole it off the 9P blog and put it on my own haha. I mean, how random is "eating orange peels for meals"?



So, since our last post in 2006, here I am once again in 2008, (we can pretend we all had time lapses, and the last two years we spent in outer space not knowing we've been eating orange peel for meals) trying to bring a little semblance of activity back into the blog. (: Kudos to me for effort. Oh man I am so thick-skinned sometimes. "Only sometimes," I insist.

SO! If you actually read this, write an entry to let me know that you still read this godforsaken (yes godforsaken, but sainotforsaken) blog. Hahaha I know dg occasionally drops by to tag. Check out the tag board man, she left a tag in 2007 proudly proclaiming that she'd tagged the first tag of 2008. I LAUGHED when I saw the tag can. Maybe dg secretly moves forward and backward in time. And that spawned a First Tag of the Year thread. How retarded can we get la.

Ha I emailed you guys invites to be authors in this blog. It was weird cause blogger asked me to sign in with a google account but there was difficulty creating a new account so I used my gmail account, don't mind okay? Check your email! (:

Hehheh I am supposed to be working on my editing files now and I am so far behind my work schedule but anyway a short update on today's prata outing!

jas, mel and I met for prata at the usual bukit timah prata shop for lunch. AND OH guess what, I saw a certain Girl Guide teacher surnamed Loh on the bus today and I got the creeps la. I was asking mel if I should do something to her, but I decided that I'm a nice person and nice people don't bear grudges so I very nicely alighted without giving her head a hard push. So anyway, we had prata, and they ate boring pratas. jas ate like cheese mushroom prata (not so boring prata) and mel had cheese prata and egg prata( boring pratas. don't tell mel i said that. i think she won't read this ho ho ho). I, on the other hand, had cheese prata and prata PISANG (like PISAI can. oh man i am so childish) which is banana prata and they had the cheek to discriminate my banana prata. I liked it, but they obviously didn't. hahaha. But what matters is I liked it.

And then we had difficulty deciding where to go after the meal. And we finally decided to go to Island Creamery like after an hour. So off to IC it was, and did I mention that the weather was sweltering hot? urgh. It was. And the walk from the bus stop to the place was pretty lengthy. But we cooled off in the aircon at the Creamery so it wasn't that bad. Oh we spotted Jil in a photograph on the wall in the ice cream place. Okay random. Mel and I leeched off their free water supply that by right jas was the only legitimate one who was entitled to drink from because she was the only one who bought ice cream. I wanted to but I was broke. ): But I just got my cheque banked in and soon I will be rich!

So anyway, jas finished her ice cream and we made our way to Queensway Shopping Centre. Haha. The bus ride there was super fun la. The bus 93 didn't have aircon, and when it arrived at the bus stop the two of them were like, "EHH!! Now still got bus no aircon one meh?! The bus fare got cheaper not?" Made me feel like I was the only one who wasn't a suaku. Waherm.
So anyway, jas bought pretty, bling Nike shoes at Queensway! Was a steal really, value for money, good buy. We left the place at about 6 pm and took 61 back to bukit timah. The bus ride home was priceless. We had intellectual discussions about unsightly sleeping positions of commuters and various other topics. (:

I had a good time today, as usual when I am out with the 9Ps. Oh and wt agrees that this blog should be revamped because we are all mature young adults now, and pink really is a frivolous youth's colour. And wt thinks that our minds are all in the gutter because we have names like 'sai' and 9'pee'. Ah well. We aren't frivolous youths, so we should have an image revamp. I know dg is dying to do up the blog, right dg? Haha. Okay that's it for now la huh. I've got editing to do. URGH. Someone put me out of my misery. ):

Not that I'm exactly miserable. (:

Love, sai.



I laughed at fellow-minnah-skippy's entries too, and melmel's "very first (and pretty much only) entry!" mostly because they brought back extremely fond memories, some of which I had cleanly forgotten. (It made me realise that we were ALWAYS into Amazing Race, even when we were younger haha!) It's all very nice, I like the way we were, and i like the way we are. Even though I think we can still spend more time together. Nowadays when we meet it's all about art and craft HAHA. But it's undeniably fun. Even though we aren't as rowdy and crazy as we used to be, oh scratch that, i got reminded that we can still get very rowdy at times haha.

I have come to realise how fragile human relationships, especially friendships, can be. I admit that I don't put in that much efforts in friendships that I have made in the past few years because somewhere along the way, priorities have shifted. I am still looking to set that right, and in general to set my life right because these people matter to me. They do, I just don't show it as readily as I used to.

When I was in secondary school I was all about friends, like if there were silly memes that had questions like "who is more important, friends or family?" I would answer friends without hesitation. But at the age of 21, this has changed, and I am all about family now. Maybe it's because somewhere in my head something clicked when I saw that my dad now has saggy skin and white hairs on his head which I had never noticed before, and that everytime my mom gets up from the floor she has to support herself on the ottoman because of the pain in both her knees. When I look at my dad I subconsciously compare him to the image I have of him in his younger days, where he had thick black hair, lean muscles and a flat belly. When I look at my mom I compare her to when she had clear rosy skin and could walk for long periods of time.

I wonder where my younger parents have gone, and I wish they would come back. But every day that dawns I am faced with the effects of irreversible time, and I am reminded every day that age is fast catching up with my parents. I am scared stiff by the prospect of watching them age and eventually pass away, and when I think of this there is that heaviest weight on my heart that makes it sink to a new depth every day that passes. I don't think I can continue anymore so I shall stop.

They keep going, but they'll come back.

1 month after datou left, rinnie flew for australia today. All I seem to remember at the airport is that it was a big rush, from terminal to terminal, the last minute fussing over the packages, all the frenzied photo taking, rine having to rush to catch her plane. I think we took up her shopping time. ):

I really loved the smile on her face, because I thought it was also especially brilliant. I dunno what it is with brilliant smiles and departures. I think it's the excitement plus nervousness and the not knowing what to expect in a new land with a new start. But anyhow I thought rine was really strong, because she just went in like that, without hesitation in her footsteps.

And like datou, she too was unsure of which direction to head to get to her gate, and I had that same wave of emotion, and the same feeling that I was watching this girl on her way to becoming a woman. All I know is that when rine comes home she won't only be the smart, intelligent, brave, pretty young girl. She'll be a smart, intelligent, brave, pretty young woman who is kickass psychologist. And that makes me feel very proud of her. It's like witnessing the transition of my girly friend into a womanly friend.

All in all I hope that Australia is nice to rinnie, and that she'll be safe and sound, and take care of herself well. And that she'll come home with the same brilliant smile and fierce spirit, and never to lose the hearty laugh that she has. One year is twice of six months, thrice of four months, and six times of two months. Counting like that seems to make time go slightly faster.



And yet I miss her already.

Today.

Dear world, today you taught me one lesson with two examples.


11pm at night, 9p was at the airport to see Datou off. We took lots of photos, and my favourites were the polaroid ones. Happy Friend went into the waiting lounge at 12am, and as she turned back she flashed us a most brilliant smile. She looked so much like a little kid venturing into a huge playground with unsure steps, and as we looked at her find her way to her gate, all I could think of was "dt, please be safe."I admit I was worried, still a little now, that the silly big head will be stumbling along, and that she would be a little lost in a foreign land. But I know she is resilient, like how canoe polo has trained her to be, and that she will learn along the way. The only thing that I would ask for from anybody out there and up there who can hear me, is that my Happy Friend gets all the help she needs from anybody who can help her over where she is.

She may have looked a little lost, but as she eventually walked in the right direction I knew that this was how it was meant to be. It may throw you off your feet a little in the beginning, but once you get the hang of it it'll be fine, and I know that datou will be just fine. 6 months in Sweden should be a whole lot of fun.

11am in the morning, dajie officially moved out. It's been ongoing for some time, and I knew all along that she eventually was going to move, but I just didn't expect it to be so sudden and abrupt. Her room is now a vacant space in the house and when I step in it's so empty that I can almost hear my thoughts echo off the walls. I dislike the echoes that ring in the empty room. It amplifies every single tiny sound, even the sound of quiet loneliness. From now on it's just mom, dad and me. I won't have my sis randomly popping her head into my room asking to borrow my mp3 charger anymore. Or pestering me to transfer new songs into her mp3 player. Or just watching dvds together in their room anymore.

Bukit Gombak isn't so far away, but it definitely isn't near at all considering she's been living with me for 21 years of my life. It definitely doesn't feel right when I have to sms her "see you on thursday" for the first time ever when it always used to be "see you later at home!" It's absolutely heartwrenching. But then again that's how it is right. Now that she has her own life to live, I wish her all the best, and that she'd come home often for dinners! And I'm looking forward to stay overs and dinners at her place too.

I used to imagine how my mom and her sisters were before they each got their own houses, and how they must have felt having to move apart from one another. I haven't fully accepted that she has moved out for good, but I guess I will learn to cope. I imagine my parents must feel sadder than I feel. It's like having to finally come to terms with their daughter being all grown up.



Today, the first day in school, a lecturer asked a question: "When does a child officially become an adult?"
I think I've got the answer. It's today.
It's today that I become an adult.

Hello Post Exams World!

Reading mel's blog inspired me to update mine. I think it's amazing that she's started a blog, and I really like reading her entries. (:
Jas' blog is so depressing, she's always talking about disappearing that I'm quite afraid that she might be entertaining some darn morbid thoughts. But I've got faith in her that she will tide through this, because like rachie says, bad things always pass, and I agree. Hang in there skippylee!
Datou's blog is pretty much about random things that I sometimes don't get. But recently she's been talking about her preparations for the exchange trip. Exchange sucks, it takes people away. =/ For 6 months at that.
Carinnie's blog is like mine, the entries hardly come, and the blog can't update itself, so in her words, "I think my blog is gathering mould."

Well I've been wanting to update for ages, but somehow exams, work, love and friends managed to get in the way. I still want to write about the fantabulous birthday that 9P did for me! Because I don't ever want to forget the euphoria of that day. I keep thinking, okay I shall do a post about my birthday, but I never do get to it because... well, see above. I also want to write about how the exams went, and how terrible it is when ray falls sick, and how i missed my mom when she went to vietnam, and how guilty I felt leaving my dad at home to eat dinner by himself when I went out everyday for one week after the exams, and oh, how I found this exact same La Dame aux Camelias quote in one of my previous blog entries on a schoolmate's blog. (What are the chances! The exact same passage with the exact same way of citing the author! Technically it isn't plagiarism because there was the book title and author's name, but it was weird seeing that, like someone just ripped your entire entry off your blog.) But well, you know, life got in the way I guess.

Right now I'm supposed to be doing editing. I've got like, 210 Word pages due on the 22nd, and then another 70 due on the 24th. And it's christmas week next week, I don't think it's even human for people to be doing work during christmas week! ): Why can't we have week long (or is it month long?) holidays like they do in China? And I've done christmas shopping for my family and I am so happy hohoho! I just know that they're gonna like their presents. Actually that's what I thought last year too, but it turned out that they didn't really like their presents. Nonetheless, it's a new year and a brand new christmas, so hurrah! They'll love their presents this year! But I haven't bought any for 9p and ray yet, and CHRISTMAS IS IN, WHAT, SIX DAYS?!! AND OF ALL TIMES I'VE GOT EDITING NOW?!?! AND WHAT ABOUT CHRISTMAS CARDS?! AAAAAAAH!

One thing though, I can't have xmas eve dinner with 9P because my folks are having it on christmas eve despite my relentless objections. ): And 9P always has dinner on christmas eve! Man. How do I resolve this. ): Gah.

Ray is sick with a throat infection poor boy. And I've got to go to my sister's house tomorrow at 9.30 am because she's expecting her furniture to arrive, and she doesn't have anybody else to accompany her so I'm gonna be nice and do it. After all her birthday's in 6 days' time. (: The dog is whining outside my room door I'm gonna let it sleep on my bed tonight because it's gonna be Christmas soon.











Nah the dog is imaginary. But the rest is real!

I Have Powers to Predict the Future

And even if I don't, I just know that this Saturday will be a BLAST! Like, BOOMZ! (gosh it's everywhere isn't it, even in nondescript blogs.)

Today, deetee messaged me "omg happy friend GO AND OPEN YOUR MAIL BOX," and I did, and I found that a cryptic message had arrived in the form of a letter through the mail. Upon opening the envelope, I saw two inserts. On one side of the first cardboard insert, it said "The Amusing Race," (it's SO 9P la, must have been skippy's idea can) complete with the signature Amazing Race clue card design. (Back at you skippy, "amaze me, amuse me" EH?) On the opposite side, it says "OUR PLANS HAVE CHANGED" in capitals, and below, "**DO NOT BE LATE**". (Something tells me that I musn't be late, and that they expect deetee and me to be able to figure out the location. What if we don't?!?) The second insert was a hand-drawn map. AAAAAHHHHH! And I died on the spot from the excitement that my 21 year old heart could not take.

Because of all the effort that 9P has put into designing the Amusing Race, I just know that it will be great. (: And I am terribly excited! So excited that I can't concentrate on my assignment. Speaking of which, it must be the busy period for them now too, and yet they took time off to think of this lovely race (cum tekkan session) thingum. (: They're the sweetest (and the most mischievious) really! BIG KISSES TO YOU GIRLS!

Another Day Over, Another Year Older.

Paying tribute to my loner days in JC, I have taken to updating this blog in school once again. This time the computer lab is filled with girls. And I am looking off their screens and seeing some KFC webpage, which is making me hungry. By now it should be pretty apparent that I am trying to while away time. I am supposed to meet Ray at boonlay later for a movie, but he hasn't had his last parade yet.

You know what? I really miss Rachel. Especially when Coldplay's 'The Scientist' comes on in my playlist, I feel like I can swim all the way to Australia and walk to Canberra to find her. Talk about budget travel.

Tomorrow I turn 21, which means that I'll be able to vote for the next elections. But other than that I really don't know what else it means. I haven't found the meaning of turning 21. Right now it just feels like a number to me. A number like 14 or 9. Let me figure out some new direction, and then I'll tell you how it feels to turn 21.

The other day in lecture, this Chinese girl came to sit beside me and started chatting with me. Her english was good for someone who only came to Singapore 2 months ago. (Did the school term only start 2 months ago? It actually feels like half a year had already gone by.) She asked me what my favourite book was. I was speechless for a moment. I find that at times like this when people ask me what my favourite book is my mind usually goes blank. Because I can't seem to think of the books that I like in an instant. Then I answered "Roald Dahl" because I honestly do like his works. Not those that he wrote for adults, but his childrens' books. Fantastic. I grew up reading them.

I am bad at formulating my thoughts and recounting events when you talk to me face to face. I usually stutter and have to think for a long time before actually remembering what exactly I want to say, and what happened. So if you ask me if anything interesting happened I'll probably save myself the embarrassment and say "nope, nothing interesting happened to me recently, how about you?".

After half a year this semester at school I concluded that I am officially a moron.

I Scored One.

Recently I've been pretty emotional. But yesterday while I was doing laundry and listening to music at the same time, I suddenly got reminded of us, and how unexpectedly that we end up together after some years, that ray was just a boy that I saw at a random campfire, and that the goodness that I have found in him is something that I know I will never take for granted. And I realised that I'm an extremely lucky girl.
I had the renewed vision of what it is like being a part of a family unit. I had newfound appreciation for every thing that my parents have done for me, and I am extremely grateful for them. I have had thought nasty thoughts about them in the past, and I have had shut them out before. I finally understood that no one is perfect, and that what my dad and mom have done for the family is way beyond their flaws, and that I am most willing to overlook those tiny imperfections. And now that they are getting on in age, I want to be able to provide for them, and let them rely on me like I have relied on them my entire life up till now.
I also came to terms with my sister being married. I accepted that we could not be as close to each other as in the past, because she now has someone who will occupy a large part of her life, and she does not have as much time for me. And on my part I acknowleged that I have also left out much less time to spend with her because now I have got ray. And on weekends he and i go out and do stuff, and on weekdays when she comes home she's almost always in the room with joe. But I know that she will always be there for me when I need her, and that she will always be the dajie that I can turn to, whom I can borrow stuff from, and whom I have always loved as before.
I suddenly missed how 9p was in secondary school, when we more or less had lives that involved each other. I saw that this is what growing up and being apart does to people. It puts some distance between people, and with age people change, and that adds a little more distance until I see the same girls who stand before me, the ones I felt like I have known all my life, having become young ladies with plans for the future, with aspirations, with careers in the making, with different passions, with different characters and opinions. And I wonder how much more we will grow, and fervently hope to an invisible force to make us grow up slower, not too fast that we let details fly by, but also not too slow that we yearn to grow up quicker. I fervently hope too, that these girls retain all the innocence of their childhood and school days which will allow them appreciation for the littlest bit of beauty and wonder in the world that they may find, be it lush green leaves rustling in the wind, or the smell of crisp earthy morning air, and not get taken by the so-called-grownups-who-can't-wait-to-grow-up and adults' "oh-i'm-so-jaded-nothing-can-impress-me-now" attitude. I fervently hope that they can find happiness in the smallest things, and that they can only want nothing else.

Dear Friend,

My Favourite Dancer.
If you think she's gorgeous static, you should see her on stage--
Absolutely E.lec.tri.fy.ing.
(Photo shamelessly ripped off Facebook, credits to this person called Chong Ng)

Our Favourite Dancer was terribly stressed up about her TPDE concert because while the other dancers were having rehearsals from 9 to 6 on weekdays, she had work to contend with. Thus she had to make do with only 1 rehearsal per week on saturdays, and although I don't know much about dance, I do know that rehearsals are supremely important, and that one-rehearsal-per-week probably isn't enough to ensure a smooth performance. The Dear Dancer was pretty distressed, saying that she had a role as one of the stepsisters, and it was a pretty big role, and that she definitely wouldn't want to screw up. So a couple of days before the concert she broke down during practice. Listening to this you probably think she messed up big time on stage. Or if not, bungled at least one dance routine.




Well, all I can say is that, they don't declare her the "Best Female Dancer" of Funkamania XIV for nothing.

She completely nailed it.
Skippy was more than amazing on stage during the TPDE dance concert this year. I recall it to be the best she's ever been, in fact. And I think carinnie agrees with me. (: Sitting among the audience, I don't think I ever took my eyes off her whenever she came on.

To me, she is a gem of pure brilliance sparkling on stage. In hip hop terms, she is pure dope. *waves wrist in fanning motion*

Jas, I'm so proud of you.

Things You Didn't Know about Your Friends...

..which you suddenly learn about them through their blogs. Today I saw a sensitive side of a friend that I'd never seen before. Which isn't surprising considering I've only known her for, oh, close to two years. But I only see her for at most 5 hours per week on average, so it's not much chance to have long talks and whatnots.

I was really touched by her entries and it made her feel more real as a person with emotions and feelings as compared to rather aloof-and-in-control one that I'd been accustomed to. Well, in a way I think it's quite a pity that I haven't taken the effort to get to know her more, but hey it's never too late right? Yes that's right.

So things have been slightly awful, which shouldn't be a surprise because one part of me is convinced that I am damned to rot in the deepest levels of academic hell, but another part of me is saying that salvation is still an option, and going to school definitely isn't.
So once again I am going to try and clean up my act, and hopefully this will be the last you hear of me lamenting about my less than brilliant pursuits in academic excellence.

Such is the Bittersweet Life.

How ironic then, that the people who make you the happiest are the very same ones who have the ability (whether they are conscious of it or not) to make you the saddest.

Today is the first day of school. Last night I was in a general state of despair over the thought of having to go back to school. And then I went online and found like minded people, and I didn't feel so alone. It helps to know that there are people out there like yourself.
But today wasn't such a bad day. In fact it was not bad at all, it was actually quite a good feeling being in school and attending the only lecture I had today with the cohort. And the better part? Buying textbooks which really are novels; most of which with pretty covers. I have to say that the texts for this semester sound pretty interesting from the synopses. (: The best part? Getting to see the very people who made school worth going to - the crazy bunch of litmates. They never fail to fill the regular schoolday with laughter.

On a side note, I was staring intently at the professor (who reminds me of Adrien Brody) during lecture today. My attention was so concentrated that if you waved a hand in front of my face your hand would burn from the heat produced from the intense force of my attention. "NEVER have I PAID such GREAT ATTENTION in my ENTIRE LIFE!" I proclaim loudly with great flourish. (But yet I couldn't answer the questions Jeffer asked me after. Apparently attention isn't paid with the eyes. What is it then? Cash? Okay I see tofu/johan/people who don't appreciate lame jokes rolling their eyes at this point, "with your ears silly/fool/moron, your ears! Duh!") Anyway, I was paying attention to the prof when I suddenly felt a tingly sensation on my right arm. I was annoyed, and looked down to brush away the what-I-thought-must-have-been-hair that was sweeping against my skin.
To my SUPREME HORROR, IT WAS NOT HAIR IT WAS A BLOODY HUGE SPIDER WITH SUPER LONG LEGS. I FROZE IN TERROR for a split second, all the while hearing a blaring voice in my head go "SWEEP IT OFF, HAND, SWEEP IT OFF NOW!" (For a moment I suspected if MightyMe had gone into my head.)
And after all that commotion in my head my left hand calmly lifted up and gently swept it off onto the ground.

And then I turned to Jeffer and said, "Jeffer, there was a huge spider on my arm just now."

Jeffer was like "Where? Where?"

I pointed behind the lecture chairs. "There, running away."

Jeffer turned her head to look and she saw this:

Daddy Long Legs.

And when she turned back her arms were covered in goosebumps.

You know when they say that sometimes during moments of extreme fright your mind experiences extreme clarity? That happened to me today for the first time in a long time. See, that's why school is fun. You learn how to cope with crisis without losing your cool. Where else can you get spiders attacking you while you're paying close attention to a professor?

This semester is starting to look damn good.

Life through Speckled Lens

This was taken on the bus on the way to Genting. The rest of them were sleeping, but I was too excited.

Yes, part of 9P went on a Genting trip on the 6th July for 3 days. Today I watched "L - Change the World." I found it funny how he was obliged to clear his huge pile of backlogged cases even when he was about to die. This has got no link to this entry whatsoever except that if you'd realised, we came back from the trip on the 8th, and today is the 27th. This entry is 19 days late. But like Johan always says, "better late than never."

This is skippy looking excited about the trip. She was having gastric all the way there, but didn't let it affect her mood. (:

This is datou looking sleepy, but still feeling excited about the trip.

Carnie looking very happy here. XD
Shy tofu was too shy, so all she put out to pose for the camera was her hand.

We are the Happy Friends.

HAHA where got people take picture with this kind of place-your-head-here-stands still put up the twist sign one! Not realistic ma!
Notice how carnie doesn't have a neck. She has one in real life. Really she does.

Finally, a picture of shy tofu.

At this point in time I realise there's an even shyer person, and that I don't have pictures of her at all.

Datou looks very cute!
This was taken by the shyer person whose name is otaku teng. Now you should understand why she's shy.

Skippy looks like she's advertising for the bottle of water here.

This is what you see when you look out of the room window to the right.

This is what you see when you look out of the room window to the left.

This is what you see when two girls start going crazy about taking photos from a hotel room window of everything else but the two of them together.

This is the mysterious, alluring, silhoutte-ish backview I fell in love with.



And the owner of the mysterious, alluring, silhoutte-ish backview I fell in love with.



Our laughter caught in the carousel, amplified a hundred times over.

This is for mel and dg.

The Weekender's Promise.

It's a very happy feeling to be doing something with people you love, even if it's something as slow-moving as going up on the Singapore Flyer.

Introducing, Love of My Life 1: Anita.

Introducing, Love of My Life 2: Jianwei

And the love of their lives...

...me.

Yes, make no mistake, we are all in love with one another, and thus we decided that like all lovers, we should go up on the Flyer.

And off we go.

Bad weather will not stop the Flyer from operating, neither will it stop us from having fun.

Fun like this,

this,

this,

and this.

And then the skies could take it no longer, and decided to open up in shower.

Rain that pelted on our capsule might have formed currents in the Nile river once before.

And we continued our fun.

The rain ended almost as soon as it started, and the sky started clearing into a lovely blue.

And the sun broke through the clouds, and Anita said that no matter what, the sun will still shine through. I will remember that for a long time to come.

My favourite picture. When we saw this we collapsed in laughter.

The two dears look so happy here, how wonderful if I can see them smile so vibrantly like that every single time.

We went home giddy with laughter that day.

It's been the happiest day I've had with them in a long time. I'm so glad we went up the Flyer. It's not so much of the event per se, it's really the people. And I'm thankful that these people are in my life. Thank you both of you!

I Wouldn't Know Until I Have Tried.

I miss the early morning ride we took in the back of your cousin's car back in Ipoh. Your cousin drove with the windows down. The wind was cold, crisp and fresh as it caressed my face. Wherever we drove to there was the constant chirping of birds. The sky was a lovely sleepy blue, there was just enough light to illuminate the words on the signs on the short buildings, but not enough to illuminate the face of the very ocassional passerby on the streets, much less the detailed patterns on the leaves of trees. There weren't many streetlights in Ipoh, unlike in Singapore, and that gave the place a strangely comforting quality. The imprint of trees against the sky has always been my favourite sight.

Life in Ipoh is nicely paced, laidback, but not that all. My first impression of the place was that we were surrounded by mountains in the distant horizon. Seemed like everywhere I turned I could see mountains in the faraway background, which was a nice feeling because everywhere you turn in Singapore you're surrounded by tall buildings. My second impression was that there are many dogs in Ipoh. There were dogs running freely on the roads, and there was a dog at the house I stayed in. Everywhere we drove we saw dogs. In Ipoh you have to drive to get somewhere because the shopping centres and buildings are pretty far apart. A whole lot of land they have.

We arrived in Ipoh at about 5 a.m. and were driven in two cars to some place like a big coffeeshop, because it was apparently the only place nearby that had light, to wait for 6 a.m. to arrive so that we could have breakfast at some dim sum place. (The dim sum was fantastic. Hoho. So many types I'd never seen before. Mmmm.) The other car almost got robbed, from the little Cantonese I understood from the adults' conversation. Apparently, 6 Malay motorcyclists took turns to ram into the back of the car, and according to one of the victims, if the driver had stopped the car and gotten down, they would have beaten him up and robbed the passengers. Quite scary considering that we had only just arrived. Fortunately there wasn't any loss or injuries sustained whatsoever. A little bit of morning terror and excitement.

The weather was sweltering hot, much hotter than Singapore in my opinion. I got slightly sunburnt staying in direct sunlight for about 2-3 hours. And you have to drink a lot of water when you're there because of the heat. Which I obviously didn't, and fell sick. Bloody hell. Kids, it's important to drink sufficient water every day, if you feel like you haven't drunk enough today, now's a good time to go get a glass. It's horrid to be sick in a foreign place without family members to take care of you. I felt a teeny bit sorry for myself for a while, and then I felt much better after a shower and bounced right back. When there's bad, it can't be bad forever-- there's always good next, and that's pretty much what I like about life.

People were speaking Cantonese everywhere around, even the non-Chinese. Amazing. Of course I also heard Malay and Mandarin being spoken. No English though, I felt a little crippled, but of course my command of Mandarin's good enough. :D Oh, I tried the famous hor fun that you find everywhere in Singapore. It's nothing like the Singaporean version. Ipoh's hor fun is the best I ever had; supremely soft and smooth. Like baby's skin, or even finer. Mmmm. The rest of the food we had was good too, maybe when I retire I'll move to Ipoh just for the food. I'm hungry now dang.

We visited a cave called "霹雳洞" (or pi li dong) which housed many statues and figurines of religious figures of either taoism or buddhism, I couldn't tell. There were paintings on the walls of the caves, and it was pretty cool in there, in all senses of the word. It was leaking though, and they were collecting donations to stop the leakages. The sun shone in through small holes in the rock formation and resulted in strong, almost solid beams of sunlight that I wanted to reach out and hold on to. But they were too high up, and it's silly to think that you can hold sunlight in your hand. I dunno, mysterious caves can make you think mysteriously silly thoughts. Oh there was a fortune teller there too, and I wanted to give it a shot because I'd never had my fortune told before. At this point I really want to say "Curiousity killed the cat." There. But I didn't get my fortune told because... because... because of mysterious reasons conceived in a mysterious cave that I have mysteriously forgotten.

Yes, Ipoh was a good experience. Our host, the aunt, was plenty nice, and got her sons and daughters to bring us around. A bunch of nice people I'd declare, although one of the sons tried to persuade us into going clubbing with him. And when we declined him twice, his ego got in the way and said "oh, luckily you all didn't agree, I was afraid you two wanted to tag along." I rolled my eyes so vigourously that they went 360 degrees in my sockets. No I didn't, that'd be rude. We just kept quiet-- I couldn't think of a comeback, our brains had retarded and been turned to mush by the heat outside. Okay I'm rambling right. But overall, still nice because he brought us around and made small talk.

And then I decided that I wouldn't mind living in Ipoh.

Sick Sad Little World.

Something is wrong with the world when at any point in time in your cosy circle of close friends you have more sad friends than happy ones.

Recently the number of sad friends in my cosy circle has been increasing. And it's heartwrenching that when we meet up, they do such a good job of keeping their feelings under wraps, their faces straight or even smiling, such that I can't seem to detect the possible undercurrents of sadness that they might be feeling inside. Which makes me feel quite lousy when I find out after that they'd been putting up brave fronts. I admire them because they're considerate about other people around them which makes me love them even more because they must be feeling very crappy inside. ): My lovely friends deserve better.

"If I had one ray of sunlight to hold in my hand

Maybe we can be happy again."

Rachie sent me this Phantom Planet song while we were in J1 if I remember correctly. And I think of her when I listen to it. She's currently in Australia, and feeling unwell. ): At times like this I am helpless, and all I can do is to tell her to drink more water and get sufficient sleep, which is hardly any comfort. It must be hard on her, and all I can take comfort in is that at least there is the Beng to take care of her. She's coming back on 30th June, which is about one month from now, and I am looking forward to that. The last time she came back for a period of two months we only met like what, 3 times? I know it was so silly.

Previously, on Tuesday I went cycling with Yanni at Sentosa in a weak attempt to take her mind off stuff. I realised cycling is an activity that allows you think more about stuff. My bad. Although she said she had fun at the end of the day, it still made me feel kinda bad, especially after I read what she wrote, that she was actually hurting a lot inside. She is silently resilient like that. What she wrote made me face up to the fact that perhaps our friendship needed a bit of tweaking and repairing. I'm going to work on it because after all like she said, 十三年半的友情绝对不是蓋的。I don't even know what the second last character means, but I figured it probably translates to something like, thirteen and a half years of friendship definitely is for real. (Enlightenment anyone?) Sometimes, the way I look at this relationship, we are like a married couple with kids, and we know that the other one is around at close proximity, but we just don't see that need to reach out to each other. Yanni is my oldest friend, and I have known her for more than half my life, and all I know is that I have to be there for her.

Anita, the one who has the world on her shoulders to bear. Some time back, I had the revelation that she's the strongest person I ever knew. Don't be fooled by her whiny antics and her ah lian appearance. I think most people don't have an inkling of the things she has to go through. It's pretty amazing how she does it, and I know that she's not getting much help. From Anita I learnt that things happen when they want to, and all you can do is to face them head on. By the strength that she thinks she does not have, I am secretly inspired, because in obscure and strange ways, I see it in her. Some of you must be thinking, "What can Anita possibly be going through? I've been through much worse in MY life." This is where some of you may be wrong. Or this might be where I am wrong to think that most of you couldn't have been through what Anita is having to go through right now. But from what I know, Anita deserves much, much better. Salute, and a big pat on the back for her!

Went out with jiawen, poon and evey last Saturday. Jiawen was her usual crappy and crazy self. I swear being with them brings out the noisy side of me. Well, YES I AM USUALLY QUIET and I will push you to the ground if you disagree. So anyway, I think jiawen was probably troubled over certain stuff, but the way she carried herself that night was admirable. She was positively sprightly, and proactive, trying to secure every chance she has to achieve what she wanted. I know whatever she's going through must be disheartening, I know for sure that if it happened to me I'll lock myself in the room and sleep for one whole week before I come to terms with it, but that's not jiawen to mope about. I know we don't meet up very often, but I enjoy every moment that we do.

Have been meeting up with skippy a few times, and this lamo never fails to make me laugh each time. She doesn't wear her hurt on her face, and is forever making lame jokes that I lamely laugh at. Haha. I know. It's a certain vibe cultivated by 7 years of friendship that runs through the 9pees. I still think it's pretty amazing really. With skippy it's not easy to convince her that she can do better than that. But in reality we all think that she can, and we are sometimes exasperated because we can't seem to successfully put that across to her. I think that being in TP dance has changed her tremendously. Skippy doesn't voice out the distress that she is experiencing when she is out with us, neither does she let it affect her and in turn affecting us. Sometimes there are glimmers which hint that she had let down her guard for a moment there, but most of the time they come and go as quickly, and all at once she is looking at you with normalcy on her face again. What I think she needs now is time, a LOT of time. And really skippy, THE NEXT ONE WILL BE BETTER.

Everyone I know can be my greatest inspiration at times.

Your Voice Sounds Hoarse

I pinch my forehead and I think it is too short. My fringe falls like a messy flop over my short forehead.

It's almost becoming a prerogative to be hungover on the days I have a date with the jc bunch. Of course I try not to let the puking get in the way of my stepping out of the house, but you've got understand that puking in public can be potentially mentally scarring. In a warped way I'm always clear headed when I'm hungover. It's like I see and feel about things in a way I've never seen or felt before. Especially with regard to my adamance in total abstinence from alcohol which peaks at its strongest when my stomach is retching and I'm expelling bile. Other than these times my resolve to stay away from alcohol is like my attendance to school - almost religious.

Okay la scratch that, who am I trying to kid right.

Other than these times my resolve to stay away from alcohol is like my attendance to school - nonexistent la can, nonexistent.

They say the alcohol, dear, it ain't so sweet

You don't have to drink that much.

But you can let your hair down,

Every once in a little while.

This was playing in my head the whole time the last time I was hungover. It's a twisted version of When You Were Young by The Killers that my horribly clear mind came up with.

Today I realise that I'm almost slightly perverse when it comes to doing housework. I only derive enjoyment from cleaning up when I see a substantial amount of dust on surfaces getting transferred onto the wet cloth, and then into the pail where it gives the water a dark, murky appearance. I only enjoy sweeping the floor when I see a lot of hair and dust gathered by the broom into a pile. I absolutely abhor it when there are mysterious droplets of water either on the floor or in the dustpan, and when the broom sweeps the hair and dust across the droplets it does something icky to the pile of rubbish collected. Bits of the rubbish pile are now wet, and this causes some of the hair and dust to coagulate on the floor, and strands of straw on the broom to stick together as well, and I lose all enthusiasm for sweeping after that.

But you know what that means don't you? It means that I'm only inclined to cleaning up and sweeping when the place is awfully dirty, and only when there's enough dust to make a pail of water murky, and only when there's enough hair on the ground to cover up the shiny patch on a balding man's head.

On an absolutely random note, Baldwin's not a very nice name to name your kid eh. Imagine the names he/she is going to get at school. Why, it's not very nice to name your daughter Baldwin, considering how Baldwin sounds relatively like a guy's name. (okay, okay, let's not go into the masculinity/feminity binary debate here)
Well, unless you really hate girls for children and want impede her social skills for life seeing how she wouldn't be able to get past introducing her name to strangers she meet, and end up depending on counselling for the rest of her life till she goes to change her name. Which she probably wouldn't dare to because she'd be gripped by the potential trauma she might face when she submits her name-change form to the counter person and gets horribly sniggered at. O the devastation, how unfair life is to girls named Baldwin.
And it wouldn't help if people named Baldwin reach middle age and actually start to bald. Urgh it's a terrible, terrible name.

Back to the point, I think it's perverse to actually derive joy from doing housework in any case, regardless the amount of dirt accumulated. So anyway, I'm a little bit high in a wacked up way purely from the time itself. The clock reads 5 a.m. and I can almost smell the fresh air which comes with nice early mornings when the sun hasn't risen. I think I should go for a walk but I'll probably faint about halfway and roll down the six flight of stairs from my house to the ground floor. Alternatively I can take a lift but I think I'll probably faint about halfway down the corridor to the lift. I'm being a little too ambitious here I think before I even get to stand up from my desk I'll fall asleep in front of the comhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhuyj

Indulge me la.

I have fallen in love with Jay Chou all over again. Hey it's not like I could help it. I was just reading blogs innocently when pictures of Jay's concert started popping up everywhere and... and... and... you get it right? Not my fault that he's so bloody photogenic, and looks good enough to, urm... eat.


Oh oh, and George is sailing for Taiwan in April. Yes you read that right, sailing, not flying. Flying is only for mere civilians like you and I. Divers do it the special way.

"Bring Jay Chou back for me?"
"OK! But will mochi do too?"

AH. I look forward to the day that Jay Chou acknowledges my existence. And DON'T THINK THAT WAY, whatever you're thinking which goes along the line of "in your dreams" and rubbish like that.
I will push you onto the ground and make you eat grass if you do.

Of Classes of Life Forms.

(My eyes sting from the lack of sleep they should have been accustomed to by now.)

"I appreciate you."
This was what Datou told Dongua on the basketball court one fine day in our year as fifteen year olds. This year we're twenty.
This memory randomly surfaced in my head the other day.

I took a quiet pilgrimage around town today. There was no interference from the mobile phone and music player, it was a journey for the senses. My ears took in the sounds, sounds of bus engines, of people murmuring, of babies crying, of bad ringtones, of music blaring from the shops, of footsteps shuffling, and of leaves rustling in the wind. My eyes took in the sights, sights of people's faces, of vehicles on the roads, of mismatched clothes, of sun rays, of intricate actions, of people stealing glances at other people, of clouds, and of grass swaying in the wind. My nose took in the smells, smells of exhaust, of light fragrance from flowers, of cut grass, of pungent body odour, of fried garlic, and of nature carried forth by the wind. My skin took in the sensations, sensations of skin brushing skin, of static in air conditioned malls, of prickly bus seats fabric, of sweat, of rough brick walls, of mist on the face, of hair accidentally grabbed, and of wind blowing.
My tongue however, could taste only nothing.

I sat on the curb and looked at the cars go by and wonder why
They all only looked straight ahead.

We were the four gargoyles sitting atop the gantry. One of us threw paper at the oncoming cars. One of us was thinking about the future. One of us was leaving this place the next day. One of us was hypnotised by the headlights. We were (almost like) the unseen guardians of the roads. The wind was blowing from the back, like it was trying to blow us off the ledge.
One thing I learnt that night,
is that the wind it blows
Perpetually.

This morning I dreamt that I saw Rachel off at the airport. I dreamt that I met her auntie and saw her baby sister. In the dream her sister was all but five years old, and she was already only ten centimetres shorter than me. I held Rachel's hand and only when it was time for me to go home did I let it go.
And then I woke up and it was already 11.30, and Rachel had already left on the plane.